Christmas present for a cheater

[Doyathinkhesaurus]

My sibling has just found out that their long term partner has been having a lengthy affair. They have not formulated a plan for the future, although the partner has confessed and They shared the news with their children. Christmas will be proceeding as normal.
We were discussing Christmas presents For our various children yesterday And my sibling sent a gift suggestion for their partner.
Am I being unreasonable to think duck that? I do not wish to spend any money on this person because they have caused a mountain of hurt and I am enraged by them. My sibling may still be trying to play for happy families, but I am done.
Should I be seeking a Quiet corner of forgiveness in my soul for this person and buy them a present?

Absolutely not. You can be pleasant in person for the children but further to that I wouldn’t do anything.

If it will be awkward for the children to see no present from you, get him a charity goat.

I would do whatever made my sister's life less more complicated.

Why should you buy this person a gift?
Total nonsense to give gifts to people you no longer like or respect.

This

but not a chance this OP will follow the advice

It is all about the drama

Exactly. Presumably if a gift suggestion has been sent there is some sort of relationship that still exists.

I think you’re being harsh to describe your sibling as playing “happy families”. They are the wronged party and it’s completely up to them whether they want to try to save the marriage or end it.

I like PP’s suggestion of a charity goat. I also think it’s fine not to give a gift at all. But I’d try to avoid making any of this about you and whether you forgive them- you’re not the person who gets to forgive or otherwise. Focus on supporting your sibling.

Charity donation is a good idea from pp.

Buy him a bag/box of sweets/chocolate that you know he dislikes 🎄

I would buy the gift if it would be odd not to. I assume the kids don’t know

but I would buy something he’ll hate and be pleased I’ve helped a charity shop

There would be no present but in all honesty I don’t see why anyone buys for a siblings partner in the first place.

Gloves?

You can buy charity toilets. I wouldn’t be able to resist.

Or a padlock for his trousers.

Oh come on, now is not the time for snidey remarks. Many people buy presents for family members. You do you.

If your sister has asked you to get the gift then you're really buying it for her and not him. Don't make her life more difficult by causing extra drama and stress. Gift suggestions are a bit odd for a BIL, cheating or not. But if it's reasonably priced then meh, I would just buy it, wrap it and give it to her. Maybe she WANTS a Christmas that feels normal.

Just something that can be shared, like a bottle of wine. Neutral.

So what is best for your sister is of little importance to you?

If you normally buy him a present and your sister is working on saving the relationship then I think you should buy a present. It is not your place to forgive him. Not buying him something makes it all about you and doesn't help your sister at all

Don’t buy a gift, the only person that needs to feel awkward is the cheater. It’s your sister who’s making the decision to try and play happy families, you don’t need to play along. Be polite yet cool.

How old are the children? I’m assuming a lot older/grown as it’s a bit odd sharing the news of an affair to children and then proceeding with a normal Christmas. That sounds a bit grim for all involved.

Personally as PP have said, box of chocolates, they are neutral, low effort and will be shared out anyway I imagine.

Yes, especially something your sister likes. If he drinks red and she prefers white, buy him white. Wish him merry Christmas with a big smile and know that your sister will enjoy the wine

Another vote for charity goat! Then the cheat gets nothing from you, you do a good deed, and it presumably makes life easier for your sibling. No way would I be buying a proper present unless it was a mug saying I am a cheating asshole.

I would fit in with what my sister wanted. This is her issue. Your role is to be supportive of her.

A nice t-shirt?

I wouldn’t give them a gift and I think playing happy families at Christmas while well meaning will just lead to further upset when they inevitably can’t keep it together. SIL left my brother this year. I didn’t even get her a card.

You don’t want to be part of the family, that’s fine, we won’t treat you like one.

I’m probably biased because I am so angry at SIL but I would feel exactly the same as you. No stocking from my mum this year either, she’ll have to buy her own bloody socks