To not tell friend how bad her teen was

[ChersHandbag]

I have been looking after my friend’s kids for the weekend while she did something important, as a favour. She’d been going on about how awful her 13yo was, and today she really was awful. Very manipulative and ruined everything I set up, and then most badly kept my kids up for over two hours past midnight by keeping waking them
because she wanted to talk… all done with rude smirking and very deliberately. I think she probably wanted me to call her mum and disrupt things further.

I was going to just not tell my friend, so she could have enjoyed her weekend away. She knows how bad the girl is already, so doesn’t need the info.

I don't think this normal teen behaviour. She sounds really obnoxious! I would be blunt with the 13yo that she isn't coming again

Very rich middle class socially undeprived kid of loving parents, for context.

A spoilt brat you mean?

I would have said to the teen that it isn't acceptable to behave like this in anyone's house, hers or yours.

But i would tell her mum, so there can be consequences.

Sounds like her mum needs help tho.

I was once in this situation. The mum had gone into hospital for a hysterectomy and I had her DD along with my 3. She was very difficult but was subject to all the same discipline as my own DDs. At one point she said if I didn't do as she wanted she would jump out of the window. I just said "OK - if you must" and left her (with fingers tightly crossed!). After a while she reappeared and joined in with what was going on - and I said nothing.

If it was my kid id want to know

Oh wow @Mischance. You handled that better than I would have done.

You sound like a really good friend.

I think a vague idea of her behaviour would be the best approach.

If you say she was great it might make her feel shit for struggling with her. If you say she was awful she might feel shit for leaving you with her.

Something like “It was fine. We all managed to get to sleep in the end” with a knowing smile x

I did not tell her Mum about that! Ignorance is bliss.....

I wouldn't add to her stress by saying anything. If she brings it up in conversation say yes she was trying it on with me too. Must be exhausting for you

And don't make her feel guilty for her poor behaviour with you too

How old are your DCs OP?

Mine are 13 (same age as naughty child) and 10.

I think I would just say to my friend that at least her behaviour is consistent no matter where she is. Your friend knows what she is like so will understand from that what her daughter was like but it also doesn’t draw attention towards the behaviour which might be what she is after.

Your friend needs to look into why she is acting like this. Is it recent behaviour? It’s not normal for a 13 year old and I’d be keen to find the root cause.

@ChersHandbag

I think it'd be useful for your friend to know that her daughter is also challenging outwith her own home.

Fair enough - normal teen behaviour can be a bit of a shock to parents of 8 yos!
But obviously all teens are different. Has your friend got any ideas as to why her DD is behaving this way?

When we had sleepovers my Mum would sit outside our door at sleeping time and tell anyone off that spoke. We all fell asleep before she left. Worked a charm

i would say to your friend “yup I understand everything you mean about her behaviour. I’m sorry it’s so hard to be around her, just keep your boundaries and hopefully she will turn a corner soon” make her feel seen, cared for, supported and most importantly - not judged.

I have a 13 year old girl who can behave pretty poorly (but can manage manners outside the house 😬) and I'd want to know.

Yeah you need to tell her. What else are you going to say "She was good as gold"?

I think you need to tell your friend something or she may ask you to have her daughter again if she thinks it all went fine and I’m guessing you won’t want to look after her again?

I wouldn't have any more sleepovers