To have distanced myself from 'broke' friend

[MsTuition]

Firstly, this friend, from what I have learned is highly unlikely to be 'broke' but in the past few years I have known her during times when her income may have dipped she has been very quick to complain about how broke she is. To the point where I've gotten sick of hearing about it.

This all may sound very unfair of me, but here's the context, I was at the very end of my maternity leave and had managed to extend it so I was in the 4th month of having no income (SMP had run out too) so I if I wanted anything fun I dipped into my savings and on top of this I continued to contribute to household bills / mortgage at home using my savings...and then my partner decided to quit his job without having something else lined up, at this point I had already managed to make work agree to allow me to go down to 3 days a week. In short I had plenty to worry about financially but I never once thought of myself as broke and would never think to complain to anyone else about this.

My friend had timed her return to work just before summer holidays, literally the month after SMP would end so she knew she'd get back to full pay during summer (she's a teacher). On top of that she had income from tuition, exam marking, lodgers and her partner was covering ALL household bills & majority of groceries. She also had a 5 star luxury holiday planned, silly money of a flash new car and late night shopping splurges . Is it normal to spend £175 on Primark clothes for just one DD in one shop? She knew my situation but never once showed sympathy, just went on about how broke she would be for a few weeks, happily let me pay for her food when we met up.

Am I being unreasonable to also think that anyone that goes on and on about being broke probably isn't? When you genuinely are worried about finances you don't really want to shout about it from the roof tops.

I didn't write a post about my partner so I think the majority of those post about him are off topic - except to point out that the friend complaining to me about her situation is going to get sympathy from me clearly at a time when I was going through a situation far more worrying.

But seeing as so many of you wanted to know about the partner - God everyone loves a bit of LTB type posting here don't they? See update below.

Yes, it was frustrating and worrying when he handed his notice in to a job which I had said for several years I could understand him wanting to leave but his timing was pretty bad. Thankfully he did find something towards the end of his 3 month notice period ending so he kept up paying for bills etc.

I continued to contribute to household bills during mat leave as I had saved up for it but pretty much all other expenses were covered bu him eg baby items, house improvements, meals out (not that there were many lol) , groceries etc. Going forward I made it clear I won't contribute at all if I'm ever in a similar situation.

Regarding this friend - I hated that she would complain family and in laws were not spending enough money on gifts for her children (she was annoyed her first born wasn't gifted good quality gold on her first birthday) but i'd never known her to give gifts to anyone. bottom line for me was if she's so skint why isn't she cutting back on the non-essentials? To me, buying a cute outfit or three every other week for child that will grow out of it soon seems so wasteful.

I just don’t understood couples who don’t pool finances. We have always been what’s mine is yours but maybe that’s old fashioned?

I can’t imagine my husband expecting me to find a way to cover bills 50:50 when I am home raising our child. However we have never had separate savings etc….

Its not her fault your partner is useless

Well he sounded pretty crap as a partner so that’s probably why so many commented on that too. And I’ve found both irl and online women often redirect suppressed frustration at their male partner onto the women in their life, so it may have been relevant.

I am glad you made it clear to your partner the contribution on mat leave won’t be repeated.

Anyway that aside your friend does sound annoying and entitled. So YANBU by distancing yourself but ask yourself why you felt compelled to pick up the tab for your meet ups? It’s basically enabling and rewarding her behaviour. You can only control your behaviour so just chalk it up to experience and next time don’t play along with such people.

Am I being unreasonable to also think that anyone that goes on and on about being broke probably isn't? When you genuinely are worried about finances you don't really want to shout about it from the roof tops

I don’t necessarily think this is true actually. Your friend may just be at it but there are genuinely broke people who do talk about it a lot. I had a childhood friend like that.