I have been with my partner for 3 years. We have a 1 year old little girl. At the start of relationship, I wasn't the best. Looking back, I shouldn't have gotten in a relationship. I wasn't ready and not in the right frame of mind. I think i was borderline depressive. I started lots of arguments. Doubted my partner lots and used my personal time to play detective and to prove he was lying about his past. I'm not proud of my actions. I have changed lots. Some behaviours still persisted but I am in therapy and working on those. My partner started a big house project 2 years ago. Ripped up big bathroom, working on small spare bathroom and knocked down a bedroom wall. He has never completed these jobs. He used to tell me it was because I created hostile environments with arguing.I then stopped talking about the house (as thats when we only argue) and things were great. Still no work done to the house. When I said I was not happy nothing is getting done. He tells me he is enjoying spending time with me and our daughter and then he goes in a strop and says "fine, I'll do house stuff everyday after work and will spend no time with you both. Is that what you want?". I have offered to pay someone to come in and do the work and this is rejected. What do I do?!
Anyway, through the week we planned to do house stuff at the weekend. He said he crack on with these projects. We took our daughter swimming and when people asked what we were doing with our weekend we both said "house stuff". We also agreed to pick up a Christmas tree today and do house stuff after this.
Anyway, we get home from swimming lesson and have an early lunch. He then tells me he is popping to the town to crack on with his xmas shopping as he wont have any other time due to work. I said okay and will he work on house when home. He said yes. He doesn't come home until 9pm. We had dinner. He then went and had a shower and finished some work stuff. It got to 11pm and I knew no house project was getting done. I was annoyed. I then went quiet. Didn't talk and said I wanted space for rest of night. He then says
"Oh here we go, let the nagging commence. This is boring now". I said I was fed up with nothing getting done to the house. He said he couldn't relax christmas shopping as he was worried what I would say. I said I didnt care he went xmas shopping its the fact its now so late and nothing has been said about the house. He said its implied he will do the work tomorrow and this is me "thinking negatively once again" followed by "why can't you be happy".
We went to bed. The next morning. I asked if we were okay and apologised for being passive aggressive but I was annoyed about the house. He then said he will do house stuff today after getting a tree. Before we went to get the tree. He reversed my car and damaged my wing mirror. He got annoyed saying it was more money he had to pay out. I said to leave it and I would sort. He got angry. Said he will sort and to leave him be. I said no. I'll go to garage and get them to repair as he doesn't have the time to do things so I want it done and not have to wait months. He was annoyed by that. Said i didn't trust him. We go out to get the tree but took two cars. I thought I'd get him some lunch as he hadn't eaten and he would get hangry. Despite being annoyed about my wing mirror and potential cost. I put it aside as he does have alot going on and I want to help.
Anyway, we met at the tree place, I gave him food, he said thank you. I said I loved him and kissed him, which he kissed me back. I then tried to hug him and he said "stop forcing things. I'm not okay after your passive aggressiveness yesterday". I waited till we got home and said I'd leave him be and give him space. He said no, he doesn't want space. He wants me to act normally. I said was and when I do he tells me to not to force things he then said "ffs read the room".
I then did my own thing with my daughter. Later he was putting a wreath on the front door but was getting annoyed. I told him I would do it. He then says "all i want is your passive aggressiveness to stop". I then said "I've said sorry, okay, you're just keeping this going now for the sake of it. I'm hiding how annoyed I am about my wing mirror to not stress you out anymore. Be more grateful". He then says "he didnt have time to talk as lots needed done around the house before putting up the christmas tree as he has to fix the ceiling (which he is doing now) and then he said, and I quote, "YOU want me to fix the bathrooms, but i need to fix the ceiling but you will nag me... we have conflicting priorities". I then said "you said you'd do house things this weekend, not me. I don't mention house stuff anymore as it triggers you" he then got annoyed and told me to stop telling him how he thinks. I said "look im sorry. I wont be passive aggressive anymore. If im annoyed ill tell you straight away and not bottle it up" he then said "no, you can only talk to me if its valid and not silly". I then said "how do I know if you'll think its silly or not" he said "use your brain and that he shouldn't have to tell me everything. He then repeated what I said in my accent". I told him he was being incredibly disrespectful. He then nearly started crying and saying I was the disrespectful one and he cant take my behaviour anymore.
I am genuinely confused. What the hell do I do? He keeps telling me to just be happy but I am bloody happy. I'm not when he annoys me. Everyone says im laid back and he tells me "they don't know the real you". I am at a loss. Have you experienced anything like this? What the hell do I do. Is it me?