Single. Alone for Christmas/NY. Why is it always -Volunteer?

[biggerboat]

Why is it always the suggestion that Single people alone over the festive season volunteer for something?
It's rare that this is suggested when a couple (without children/other family) ask for ideas of things to do.

This implies, to me anyway, that single people are only worthy if their time is spent in servitude somehow. That their time is of less value.

I find it patronising. It irks me.

Thoughts?

Good point. I’d never thought about it but you’re right.

I don't disagree, but if you don't have a more enjoyable social alternative, then I think I would not discard the idea. I am likely to be widowed before I get old, so doing something to help others is a good idea.

I'm single (divorced) and I think you're overthinking. If you're a single person who does want to spend time being Christmassy with others on Christmas Day but haven't got friends and family to join up with then volunteering is a good option. Actually its pretty much the only option. I have DC, but may well spend some Christmas Days alone once they grow up and inevitably need to see their OHs' families too. I'm already thinking that I may well pitch in somewhere on the day.

They’re suggesting it to you because you are alone and might think you’d like the company of others.

they won’t say it to a couple because they aren’t.

But if a couple, or even a family asked me to suggest things to do I would include volunteering, as well as a hike or a trip to the beach to watch the sun set.

The reason it's not suggested to couples is because they will not be alone otherwise.

I assume it's only suggested if the single person says something about not being happy at being alone over Christmas. If you volunteer, there is social connection without excessive effort on your part. A couple already have social connection by virtue of being a couple. Other alternatives would be to invite other single people to join you for Christmas or to go away somewhere. However, I would never suggest the first to anyone as it is assuming they have a network of single friends they can join and if they don't, it may make them feel bad. Suggesting going away can be expensive so again, might not be an appropriate suggestion.

I have heard of organisations who complain they are overrun with volunteers on Christmas Day, often hampering the work they do

Also for someone who is taking offence, you are actually quite offensive yourself. Volunteering absolutely isn't 'servitude' or a less valuable way to spend your time. I'm somewhat sorry for you if you think that!

Yes immensely true point & it seems to be a subtle, kind of underhanded way of implying, oftentimes, that, single folk must be single, because there's something wrong with them 💚
It can be a preconceived form of prejudice 🫂

Stay at home and enjoy a couple Christmas movies.

I mean a lot of single people find Christmas Day a struggle alone. A lot don’t care.

I guess the moral is, when someone suggests it say no, I’m good. Plus Christmas when you have kids is for them to be fair. When mine are old enough I’d love to volunteer.

I'm not in this position but I agree with you op. I also think at Christmas there are probably ample volunteers for things. I knew someone who for various reasons couldn't face Christmas one year so decided to volunteer....they turned up to discover it was overrun with helpers and they stood around feeling useless.

If I was alone, I'd just ignore the whole thing or if I could afford it, head somewhere warm and sunny

I’ve volunteered on Christmas Day when I was single and also when I wasn’t. Because it wasn’t about me, it was about trying to do right by other people. And no, I was never “stood around feeling useless”. Mashing potatoes for 80 people takes work!

OP - I feel you that there’s a lack of options for alternative ways to celebrate Christmas. I am single but have kids and spent my fist Christmas Eve and Christmas Day morning alone without them a couple of years ago. I went out for dinner with a friend on Christmas Eve. On Christmas Day morning I got up and did a home workout, showered, and then got back into bed with macaroons and a mini bottle of champagne. We went to a family member’s for Christmas dinner later on when the kids got back. I think whatever you do, Spoil yourself a bit and maybe enjoy the feeedom of doing something you feel like doing in your spare time, but wouldn’t usually get an opportunity to do at Christmas if you were spending f it with a partner.

I apologise if the word servitude offended. Perhaps I should have said -in service. I meant no offence.

I am not saying volunteering is bad in anyway. I have been a volunteer (not at christmas). I'm saying I find the suggestion implies single people alone should somehow make themselves useful

Volunteering would nice, to be honest because it implies you have Christmas day off. Not being guilted into working because you don't have family/ small children at home , sounds like a win to me.

I don’t think it is said to single people is it? Rather people who are going to be completely alone on Christmas Day. You can be single and still have a large family Christmas planned, for example.

However, if I was actually facing Christmas completely alone, that is exactly what I’d do. I couldn’t face the day on my own, so I’d get out and socialise, and do something to remind me that there are more important things to think about than myself.

It is said to single people alone for Christmas. If a parent is alone at christmas as the children have gone to stay with the ex - it's a very different response - put your feet up, eat all the food, enjoy the peace etc.

Thank you to all those that understand.

Whilst the observation in itself is true - it is usually one of the first suggestions - assuming it’s because people think you’re ‘less than’ is a hell of a reach! I think it’s as PPs have said, volunteering is an easy way of having company and community on Christmas Day if that’s what you’d like 🤷‍♀️

I think you're right, in so much as when people make the suggestion they're making assumptions but I think it's a reach to think they're assuming you're only "worthy" if you're "serving".
I think the base level assumption is that most people don't want to be alone at Christmas. I'd go further, and say if they're asking for suggestions they want to do something they wouldn't normally do. Most of us don't need "watch some tv" to be suggested to us, we can figure that much out without help.

I think people would generally assume that someone alone for Christmas asking for ideas of things to do online had the brainpower to have already come up with putting their feet up and eating food on their own steam and are suggesting volunteering as something the person may not have already thought of by themself.

Im single childfree and loving it also spending another xmas on my own and i love that to.
I dont do xmas either, to me the 25 of december, is the same as the 25 of any other month.

Because peace and solitude is something parents of young children don’t get much of, versus single people who live alone and probably have peace and solitude coming out the wazoo? Hence volunteering is a good counterpoint to that, and a way of being with others if you want to, with no need for prior introduction. Sad that you choose to interpret that so negatively.

I think it’s a nice thing to do if you’re alone and don’t want to be. I’m not sure what the alternative is short of driving to the countryside and having a lovely walk or just downing a bottle of wine, watching nice films and eating your body weight in chocolate. There are options, you could go away on holiday too I guess. I’d volunteer if I was alone.

There are limited options for social events on Christmas Day if you haven’t got friends or family to invite you. That’s why they suggest volunteering, as there isn’t usually a group hike/movie outing/meditation circle/any other of the myriad of ways you can socialise with strangers. It’s not a reflection on your value to society.

The year I was single and alone I took myself skiing to France.

A nice day plodding about in cisy PJ's and eating what you want when you want and having sole control on TV remote with a bottle of fizz and a box of chocolates to hand sounds more appealing to me than volunteering.