Single. Alone for Christmas/NY. Why is it always -Volunteer?

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Why is it always the suggestion that Single people alone over the festive season volunteer for something?
It's rare that this is suggested when a couple (without children/other family) ask for ideas of things to do.

This implies, to me anyway, that single people are only worthy if their time is spent in servitude somehow. That their time is of less value.

I find it patronising. It irks me.

Thoughts?

Yes, but single, childfree people who live alone frequently point out on here that this is a normal weekend day to many of them, so no novelty, and certainly not a treat to be relished.

I agee, I am married with dcs but sahms get the same suggestion to fill their time once the dcs are in school. I have done it in the past but I'm past all the internal politics of it now. I like having my time to myself, indulging in hobbies and screen time and whatever I choose.

Until I read this post, I was going to say that volunteering is suggested to avoid loneliness. I hadn’t thought about the advice lone parents are given. It’s really interesting. And I’m betting single men would probably be told to get themselves to the pub. So is it another way of saying women who don’t have children are not all they ought to be and should make themselves useful to make up for that?

I think you’re overthinking it. If people say ‘I’m on my own at Christmas, what should I do?’ Volunteering will pop up because there’s not much else to do. Church? It would be too late to book a restaurant and would you want to go on your own? Pub? Walk? TV? It’s not like people suggest you volunteer when you haven’t asked for advice.

Aside from volunteering, there's not much going on on Christmas day.

There are some sport gatherings (and a lot of posters then complaining that their partner "abandons" the family to spend a few hours being active 😂)

but volunteering is one of the very few ideas if you are lonely that day and not already away on holiday.

Of course it's different when it's a parent! If you are single and child-free, you can put your feet up and enjoy the peace everytime you are at home and not working, it's not a treat.

If you feel miffed, it only means you are bitter about your own situation, it's you who decides to interpret what other people are saying. They don't mean anything by it.

Yes and nowhere to be seen the rest of the year.

I cringe at the idea of people volunteering for Christmas Day. If you actually want to do it, do it all year round 🤷‍♀️

It’s definitely not the only option nowadays.

If you look online there’s groups organising meet ups on Christmas. One I saw recently was a group aimed at childfree women in the London area. They are organising a Meetup on the 25th I believe.

I really hadn’t thought of it like that before but yeah OP may have a point. I agree with others that say volunteering on Christmas alone may be more of a hindrance to the organisations if you’re not a regular volunteer.

Last year there was a thread about suggestions on how to spend Christmas alone and I don’t believe volunteering was trotted out much to anyone irrespective of whether they had kids or not.

Or maybe it was and I just didn’t notice. Food for thought though.

Well what advice are people looking for then? MNetters can't magic up a social setting that a single person might find agreeable.

I know a lady who was by herself and wasn't bothered but did want to make Christmas Day a bit different to all the other days of the year.

She wasn't short of cash and so every week, starting in the first week of January, ordered herself something from the internet from a variety of places: Amazon, John Lewis, Etsy, small websites-up to £50 but quite often, under 20.

She didn't open them but put them away and opened every single one on Christmas Morning after church-many of them were now surprises to her.

Then, she would go out for a drive with a small picnic of nice things, maybe have a walk around and home to a dinner she had prepared on Christmas Eve.

She made it a rule not to phone anyone and usually rang people/texted on Boxing Day.

It wouldn't suit everyone but it did suit her.

I’ve never seen this said in response to someone saying “I’m really looking forward to spending Christmas alone, I’ll relax, eat what I want, watch what I want, any other suggestions for what I could do??”
I’ve only ever seen it in response to people saying something more along the lines of “I’ll be spending Christmas alone and I’m finding the thought of it a bit hard” and then a suggestion that involves them going to where people are doesn’t seem unreasonable even if it’s not what the person wants to do.

Well my suggestion to Op or anyone else
alone is to do whatever the heck you want!

From memory some suggestions in the last Christmas thread were - go for a walk, go to the gym, have a dance party at home, turn off the tv and read a book or paint/knit etc and then cook your favourite meal.

And if you have loved ones do FaceTime/calls etc.

Also I would add - go abroad if you like sunny weather and you don’t have that in the country you live over Christmas (if you can afford it)

I think some people suggest volunteering to assuage their guilt at not inviting their single friends / relatives over to join them on Christmas Day

Love that!

And for those who don’t have as much to spend or don’t want to spend as much it could also be done with just purchasing something every month, as opposed to every week .

Actually a nice idea even for people who want gifts but know unfortunately their husband/wife/kids etc won’t get them presents.

I assume there are various holidays over Christmas that are for singles? I know there are ones for walkers so I assume there are some for other interests - or maybe a cruise?

MN is generally quite irritable and not particularly pleasant about single people at Christmas.

Either you are an object of envy; how lucky are you, a whole day to chill out () or you should volunteer.

Christmas can evoke complex feelings in even the most seasoned of singles.

I think it’s more when someone is lonely and therefore volunteering helps that. And makes you feel good about yourselves. Also because it’s hard to ‘family’ things on your own but you still can as a couple.

IMO it's because single people, even if this day and age, are still pitied and assumed to be lonely.

I always wonder the same thing. There’s nothing wrong with being selfish and using the day to think about yourself.

I would prefer to bugger off to somewhere sunny.

I think people only suggest it if the person does not want to be single/alone.

I’m not disagreeing with you OP but I only see single people asking for ideas as if they want to be around other people. If they don’t then the obvious response ought to be do whatever the heck you want, watch Christmas movies and get pissed 😂

but if you want to be around other people and there’s no family they want to spend it with then volunteering is a good way to do it (or make use of services themselves at Christmas - some local pubs do a meal on communal tables for people who are singles)

Because honestly, if you're in a place where you have nobody you love to spend Christmas Day with, advising you to try and make new best friends or mend familial relationships within the next month is just cruel. You are where you are and you can't change it for this year, and the choices generally are either spend it alone, spend it with loved ones, or volunteer. What else would you do? What else could you do?

People are trying to be helpful, and I say that as someone that volunteered 6hr on Christmas Day two years running when single, and did a few Christmas Day voluntary shifts (3hr apiece) while in a relationship. Just got up early, went off, did it, and then came back and enjoyed the rest of the day.

If you've never tried it it's hard to really recognise how rewarding it can be. If you don't want to do it, fine. But plenty of partnered people and parents volunteer at Christmas. The Christmases I spent doing it were some of the most enjoyable I've had. Knowing that while everyone else was relaxing and enjoying themselves I was there for people that needed someone to talk to for support was so rewarding. It was the busiest day of the year too.