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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Expected them to be in the house

12 replies

Nosleepsince89 · 14/12/2025 19:03

A few friends and I decided to cook for our friend who just had a baby. We’re not overly close, she’s more a mutual friend for me but I like to help out where I can (I’ve been there).

i texted to say congratulations on the birth, and then a week later I message to ask how things are going and when is best for me to drop off the meal on the day that I signed up for.

A few days later I get a response and all it said was could I take it to one of her friends house (the other side of town) at a specific time. I have 3 kids and I’m a working mum so I apologised and said I wouldn’t be able to drop it there because of my commitments and their house is actually only a short walk from mine so I was hoping to drop it there. I get no response for days.

i message on the day to say I’ve got the meal ready and will drop it off in the evening once my kids are in bed, again I ask how things are going. No reply comes and it’s now the evening…so I just message to say I will leave the bag of food on their doorstep. Finally I get a reply that just says thanks, we’re actually out at a friends house anyway.

It was 7pm at this point and the baby was only a few weeks old. I really struggled at that stage so thought I was helping, but I don’t know why, I feel a bit upset about the situation. I didn’t do it for any kind of recognition and I didn’t expect to even see her or the baby. I just found it odd, if they didn’t want the food then I wouldn’t have been offended, they didn’t confirm that they got it.

I know postpartum trenches and tiredness etc. but I still remember making an effort to really thank anyone that came to visit or bring food.

OP posts:
Newsenmum · 14/12/2025 19:04

That’s so odd! Which house was she at? It’s also rude of her.

Eyeshadow · 14/12/2025 19:05

Sorry OP I think you’re BU.

Whose idea was it for you to make her a meal?

I would not like this and I would have hated people visiting me so early on after having a baby.

couldthisbe2501 · 14/12/2025 19:07

I think she’s been very rude in terms of her almost brushing off your efforts, it was a really nice thing to do.

However, I’m not sure why you think she should be at home? I wasn’t glued to the house at all. Spent a lot of time at my friends, my parents and my in-laws from my son being born?

Celestialmoods · 14/12/2025 19:07

Did the family put a request out for help with food or is this something that your group of friends decided upon without asking her?

It’s a lovely thought, but is also one of those things that comes with obligation for the recipient, so it would be best to ask if they want it rather than just telling them you’re bringing it and expecting them to be in when it’s convenient for you.

Sillysoggyspaniel · 14/12/2025 19:07

It's not odd, she told you she was going to be out and you insisted on doing what you thought would be helpful rather than listening to her. I was out and about the day after my baby was born, I definitely wouldn't have necessarily been in.

Nosleepsince89 · 14/12/2025 19:08

@Eyeshadow it was her idea. She always arranged them for the rest of the group and me when we all had. And would say we would all need to return the favour when the time came for her?! That’s why I’m confused!

OP posts:
TFImBackIn · 14/12/2025 19:08

She's not a friend, OP. Quite honestly I'd leave the ball in her court now and wouldn't message again.

Rocketship003 · 14/12/2025 19:10

Thoughtful but all I can think of is that the new mum didn’t want this and although nice of you all she probably didn’t want to be committed to being in for a week whilst you drop off food. She probably is thinking how do I say I don’t want this without offending anyone. So instead she’s told you she’s out at a friends house.

Eyeshadow · 14/12/2025 19:13

Nosleepsince89 · 14/12/2025 19:08

@Eyeshadow it was her idea. She always arranged them for the rest of the group and me when we all had. And would say we would all need to return the favour when the time came for her?! That’s why I’m confused!

That definitely changes my opinion then!

I wouldn’t take it to heart.
It sounds like she’s perhaps a bit overwhelmed.

FWIW I went out very soon after my baby but I hated anyone coming round (house was a mess, I was usually in PJs, harder to get them to leave etc).

It definitely sounded like she didn’t want you going to her home but I wouldn’t take that personally as I know I felt the same.

As you aren’t that close, she may feel a bit uncomfortable about the way she looks or BF etc.

I felt like crap after my baby and didn’t want to see anyone unless I was really close to them.

Nosleepsince89 · 14/12/2025 19:14

@couldthisbe2501 i don’t expect her to be in all day waiting for me. I guess I had just assumed that she would be home at 7pm based on my own experience with a newborn, and that she could be waiting for the meal - on a separate group chat she had joked with one of our friends a few days before that she was starving waiting for them to drop it off.

OP posts:
Celestialmoods · 14/12/2025 19:28

I’ve changed my mind too. Your later posts make her sound rude and ungrateful.

Keroppi · 14/12/2025 19:39

Weird and annoying! Good for you for dropping the meal round though. Maybe time to invest in some other friendships too

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