Mate’s engaged to a serial cheater

[EventsLawLife]

Hi,
Not sure what to do in this position. My friend has been with his partner for over 10 years and is due to be married next year to her and for their entire relationship she has relentlessly been cheating on him with different men. One of her own friends has refused to go to the wedding and cut her off due to the guilt and behaviour and several people know about how’s she’s behaved. I’m so shocked he hasn’t found out. The worst l case was 2 years ago, my mate was on a stag do and Amy, (the fiancé) brought a man she’d met in a pub back to their shared house and slept with him in their bed. She apparently hid pictures of herself and my mate from view so the man she took back thought she was single. I’ve seen a photograph of them on the sofa together.
another case that was shocking was her pretending a man was gay and sleeping with him in the next room of their flat. A third case was her gas lighting when he was suspicious of her work colleague and she was cheating with him but acting like my friend (Sam) was crazy and not nice to not believe her. It’s getting closer to the wedding, a lot of the wedding (and their house) was paid for by my mate and I just wonder if I should mention anything or just leave it. Surely she’ll get found out. My work mum suggested posting on here for advice. I just don’t want my mate to marry her and end up having to give her half the house he’s paid a deposit for and spending all this on a marriage to someone who’s been such a liar and cheat through their whole relationship. It seems the whole of Leeds minus Sam knows what she’s been up to. I don’t know what to do

Why haven't you just told your friend Sam? Surely you would wish to know if this were happening to you? Wouldn't you expect a Sincere friend to let you know & prevent you from making a fool of yourself?!

I would tell them but be prepared for the friendship to end if they decide to shoot the messenger.

Why have you sat by so many incidents and not spoken up sooner?

Tell your friend ASAP. He may know deep down but for whatever reason is ignoring the truth.

Even if you lose a friendship, surely better than participating in this lie. What would you want if you were in his situation? Imagine if you didn’t tell your friend and they have children in the future, it’s going to become more complicated.

100% agree - he should have been told after the first proof of cheating rather than watching him continue to be mugged off by a lying cheat .

Sit him down and tell him. Hard but that's what a friend would do I think.

What a great friend you are, letting him get gaslit and being treated like a fool for years. Poor guy.

Okay seriously, what do you think the word 'friend' actually means because the fact you haven't told him is actually insane.
Or are you one of those people who is okay with not doing something that could help their friend avoid getting screwed over if it means you dont have to deal with any aggro or lose the friendship... ie, its about whats best for you, not them...

I really don't get "friends" like you. I've been blindsided by my former partner for years and all of our friends knew and none of them thought to tell me. When the truth came out, I actually felt more betrayed by my "friends" and never spoke to any of them again. They had me for an absolute fool.
Tell your mate. You should have told him years ago!

my work mum

well that’s a new one

you come across as…. Well a little unpleasant odd bod if I’m honest

I hope never to have a friend like you. Have you been eating popcorn with your 'work mum' while watching this unfold over the last ten years?

May this type of friendship never find me.

I think firstly, this is potentially outing if you've written both their names and where they live.. so change that.

Secondly yes obviously you should have sat your friend down and asked if this is something he's sure he wants to do given that she has been cheating but if you do that you need to be prepared for him to react badly towards you, or you go armed with receipts.

You don't know what to do??!! Some friend you are!
You tell him, right away, that's what you should do, because that's what any real friend would do. I'm shocked you've left him in the dark for this long.

I would tell him and I would remind him that if he married her she would get half of everything he has worked for so to please consider the position he'd be putting himself in when he's marrying someone who doesn't even have basic respect towards him. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror if I let my mate marry someone without knowing all the facts, couldn't even call myself their mate anymore if I could do that to them actually. Tell your mate, be there to support, yes he'll be hurt but he'll be alot less hurt than he will be if he marrys her thats for sure.

How on earth does everyone know apart from Sam? I would speak to him. How on earth in good conscience could you go to the wedding and watch him do that??

Well tell him now and give him the chance to decide for himself! Also are these their real names and area?

I didn’t want to out who I am
but I work with her not him. I’d say hi to him and get on but not mates mates. Work mum works with her too

Yes completely concur with you Sincere Soul 💚Exactly true - Part of being someone's friend, is looking out for them 🫂

Yes I was just thinking the same 🤔
In fact I don't think I've ever come across the term "Work Mum" before
Does it mean, female manager
Really confused 💚

I'm so sorry to hear you went through such awful betrayals 😢
Yes I completely comprehend & concur with you, I don't understand why any friend wouldn't bring truth to light
Surely if someone's your friend, you value & respect them, not wishing them to be made a fool of
Well done for being so strong & not speaking to them "so called" friends any more 💚
Wishing you all the utmost very best 💚

If any of my friends knew my partner was cheating I would be so hurt that they hadn't ever said anything to me - you're all complicit to have let it go on for such a long time (ten years?!) without ever having sat him down and had a difficult but hugely important conversation with him. Step up and be a true friend and tell him the truth. He might shoot the messenger, it might strain your friendship for a while - but it's the kindest thing you can do for him, it really is. Surely you would feel a complete heel going to the wedding knowing what you know?

OP, ask yourself this, if you were in this poor man's shoes wouldn't you want someone, anyone to tell you? Especially before you get married to the cheater? He's being made a complete fool of, do the decent thing and tell him what's been going on.

I've been in this situation except it was my pal who was cheating on a her fiancé. I told him, after telling her that I would if she didn't. I lost my whole friendship group but a good guy didn't marry a cheater so I'm ok with it 🤷‍♀️

I honestly don't know how you can both call yourself a friend and sit by and watch him be treated this way tbh.

“Work mum”
”It seems the whole of Leeds minus Sam knows what she’s been up to”

and all this drama and shenanigan

You and I might as well be living in different planets OP.