Gift imbalance

[MrsJigsaw]

As we all know, Christmas is an expensive time of the year. With a fairly large extended family, we keep spend on extended family (including parents) to around £25 per person. Always been this way and its replicated throughout the family. We do, however, spend more on Birthdays.

This year, we're hosting all our parents on Christmas day. I've sorted my mum and dad (following the £25 each spend) and asked DH to sort his mum. Just asked DH if he'd thought of anything for his mum as I had an idea. He's announced he's getting her a new tablet (its around £150). Now, I'm not bothered about the extra money and it wouldnt bother me if we were seeing parents separately over the Christmas period, its the imbalance when everyone opens presents together which worries me.

Whilst deep down i know my parents won't compare, they aren't stupid and will know the cost of a tablet. Combined with the fact that my DH will have to set it up for her, so the gift will have prominence during the day, it just feels to me (I suffer from overthinking and anxiety) that the imbalace will be really obvious. I will feel bad and embarrassed.

(For info, her birthday is 7 months away and apparently her current tablet is playing up)

I've mentioned the imbalance to my DH and he doesn't think its an issue. Is this just a 'me' issue? Am I overthinking?

I wouldn’t be happy about that at all.

Get him to get her something small as an extra, and save the tablet for on her way out the door as an extra?
Set tablet up in advance.

Will they really care? They’ve probably got everything they need. My parents wouldn’t care at all. Set the tablet up for her beforehand. Or, like another poster said, give her something smaller and the tablet before or after Christmas.

I agree, that's unfair for your parents to see her open that.
Do it as she leaves.

I think if hosting everyone like you are, I’d try to keep the gifts fairly equal eg parents having a similar amount spent. I wouldn’t be really strict with it but having spent another £50 today on my little one and with very little to show for it, I can imagine the difference between a £25 gift and a tablet (which I’d have assumed cost more than what you said) will be quite big. But maybe this is because DH and I pool our finances. I might feel a little differently if he bought his mum something out of his money and I bought my relatives stuff out of my money. If DH wants to do this each year, maybe hosting them all together inc the gift giving part with everyone present isn’t going to work. We tend to do presents in the morning with the kids and leave gifts with relatives for them to open in the morning, then people come to us at lunch.

Very unfair and thoughtless of him. Do not let him present/or tell her anout this gift until your parents have left

If there’s a lot of people there it might not be the issue you think it is. Getting her a gift she needs is a good call from your DH. Just say that you’re swapping around the present budget this year and she’ll get less for her birthday so you can buy her a useful present now.
Edited to add, don’t sneak the gift to her later, that looks suspicious and will probably backfire.

Thanks for replies. Just had another chat with DH and suggested we get her something else and then pop round with the tablet in the New Year. He's happy with this.
Now I can relax again!

No I wouldn’t be happy with this at all however not sure what you can do other than buy more gifts/a tablet for your parents?

I think it’s fine, tbh, as a one off. His family can have different gift-giving habits from yours. You can say it’s for Christmas and birthday this year, if it helps, and then make sure you do something extra nice for your parents’ birthdays. Don’t stress about it now.

Buy her a £25 gift for Christmas and get your H to give her the tablet he wants to buy for her as a 'just because you need it and you're my mum' present before Christmas. I get where you're coming from, but if I could have afford to buy my mum something she wanted when she was alive, I'd not want to be restricted with that. You should be able to buy 'just because...' gifts for your parents too of course.

I've seen your update about giving her the tablet in the new year, but with regards to the original problem surely it wouldn't be a big deal to your parents. Comparing the costs of gifts seems a bit grabby. I'm sure they'd rather you spent the money on the children in the family rather than them, and you're just over thinking.

Great update result OP

Your DH’s family presumably doesn’t do the £25 limit and your parents will know that so I don’t see the issue.

I think it's fine for your DH to buy his mum the tablet. Surely he doesn't have to follow your family rules.