To be bad at dealing with rudeness?

[daynaaa]

Not so much when someone directly says something rude, although I’m probably not great at that either it happens so rarely that if it ever does I can shrug it off.

But … for example yesterday I was at a party where a ‘friend’ leaned across me and talked at length with another woman, completely excluding me from the conversation and effectively meaning I couldn’t talk to anyone else either.

I am crap. I just wish I could call people out but I don’t want to make a scene so I let lots of stuff go that actually is really, really rude. Can anyone relate?

While I can relate, and I think it’s situational, it’s good for you to be able to stand up for yourselves without worrying about the rude person’s feelings.

Can you try to fake a bit of humour ? Like. ‘ hey, I am here! Or ‘ let me out! in a faux happy voice.

If someone is blatantly rude ( like the man who called ‘nice tits’ as I passed him) , I turn round and confront him with an ‘I beg your pardon’ ,or similar, in a clear voice ,. Now would I do that alone in the woods meeting this man, possibly not, but at the door to Sainsbury’s , absolutely I would.

Watch Mel Robbins interviewing Jefferson Fisher, "The right way to respond" on YouTube. He's really good on how to deal with rudeness without making a scene. He's got his own channel as well with lots of useful stuff.
Totally relate to finding it hard to deal with rudeness but it is important to learn how to stand up for yourself. You should have said to switch seats when the friend leaned across you and then made sure you had a good chat with someone else.
Make it your mission to be more assertive in 2026! 💐

In that situation I would have got up and told said friend to switches places with me. Practical solution and instant shaming.

In the example you give, I don't think 'calling out' is the way forward. As a pp suggested, offer to swap seats - in a friendly way. Where people are being thoughtless rather than intentionally rude, stay pleasant and calm, don't create drama.

If people are being intentionally rude, dismissive or unpleasant, that's the time to get assertive.

This happened to me at the school gates the other day, I saw a mum and asked about something and she looked directly at the other mum I was standing with and answers my question to her which then left the two of them chatting away about it while I stood there invisible thinking hmm actually it was me that enquired. I drifted away in the end I don’t think they noticed.

I would have just got up and left.

You can’t force people to like or respect you and you can’t influence their behaviour while you are still in the tent with them.

The only way to really deal is to cut people out. Leave people who don’t deserve your respect.

That sounds like huge immaturity on that mum’s part. I doubt she’d have got it however you decided to deal with it.

No I can't really relate.

But I do wish MNetters would stop pretending that saying 'excuse me please' is 'causing a scene' or some sort of fuss.