Desperately want another baby

[user1467309168]

Right first time posting so new to me, me and husband married for a year his second my first marriage.
We are a combined family I have two children and he has one all live with us, I’ve recently started really wanting another baby this would be hard as he had a vasectomy 17years ago I was well aware of this however can’t help the feeling of wanting a baby together! So obviously brought it up he does not want another and is not willing to reverse a vasectomy, now I actually respect that decision but I can’t help being beyond gutted. I don’t just want a baby I want one with him I’m also getting older (39) so this doesn’t help. It’s getting to the point I resent his son living with us (son is an adult) son knows none of this and I treat him no different. I’m constantly crying and really resentful.
im not sure what answer I’m looking for maybe I just needed to rant I think

Perimenopause? Your body is screaming to do it. If you love your husband and see a long term future, it’s time for some serious distractions.

After 17 years the chances of a successful vasectomy reversal are pretty low anyway so... I'd whack that idea out of your head.

You need to decide what's more important to you - your current relationship or your desire for more children. Because you can't have both and it's really, really shitty of you to be fucked off with your husband when you've known all along he's had a vasectomy and obviously isn't interested in more children.

What difference would having one with him make?

You resent his adult son living with you? Is it your house and they both moved in?

Yabvu.

How old is your partner?

I can see if their child is an adult and they decided to not have any more kids 17 years ago… deciding to have another baby now probably isn’t that attractive…!!

I’m not pissed off with him I literally said I respect that decision my issue is the want for one has come from nowhere and it’s caused me to have some serious upset and hurt

What age are your own children?

Iam wondering if that is the issue I just didn’t know I would be this upset about it and genuinely the sudden desire for a baby has come from nowhere

What do you resent his son for? I’m struggling to understand that and how having a baby together would stop the resentment?

13 and 7

It could be your body saying it’s now or never

You have two children and a step child. Your husband has had a vasectomy and a reversal will probably not work. Your hormones want a baby but it's not feasible. Not going to happen.
I do understand that overwhelming broodiness because I experienced it at the same age, but, you're wasting what could be a happy time on misery and crying.
Would you consider any of the following: therapy to talk it through, a GP appointment to discuss possible hormonal imbalance, a career change, pursueing a hobby more intensely, planning a big holiday, family adventure, doing more fun stuff with the kids you already have, a puppy.

Might need to clarify my husband is not the issue and I would only want a baby with him!! I’ve recently only started desperately wanting a baby Im just struggling to navigate the gutting feeling I have over it all so like I said maybe I just needed a rant

Purely I’m resenting he’s had that with someone else I understand that maybe unreasonable but can’t help your feelings, but just so your aware I have never nor would I make him feel any of that he is treated no differently to mine and we have a great relationship

He’d have to go through a painful procedure with risks of side effects which has no guarantee of working anyway.
He doesn’t even want another baby.
You’re 39 so the chances of you getting pregnant easily are much lower than they were when you had your other children.
I think you probably know deep down this isn’t a good idea. You need to find a way to come to terms with not having another baby and enjoy the children you have, and the life you have with your DH. Make some plans for the future that don’t involve a baby

OP we all have to deal with disappointments in life - very few people get through life without some regrets, sadnesses or feelings of what if.

Count your blessings, you have a husband you presumably love, two wonderful children and hopefully a good life. Don't allow resentment of his adult son ruin your relationship, which it will if your husband senses this is how you feel. Remind yourself that you could be much worse off than you are - practice gratitude. That is the key to a happy life.

I think you’re too young at 39 for perimenopause

Exactly, get a puppy or kitten to fill the maternal gap

Adult son will eventually move away maybe even meet someone and have his own family within a few years.

The question you don’t need to answer publicly on this forum but privately to yourself is why his first marriage didn’t last and why you are not with your children’s father? Even relationships that do start out well can always derail when a baby is involved and there are already tensions. Maybe the baby-making years are behind you both now and you have other things to focus on. Even though your kids are past the newborn years I can imagine you are still extremely busy with them.

Maybe even a few sessions with a good therapist would untangle the issues and how to move around them to find peace.

All the best, OP

Bollocks

Wise words

Is IVF possible? As pp have pointed out, a vasectomy reversal is extremely unlikely to work. It sounds like you need to explore all the options and have a few more serious conversations about it. His answer will likely still be no, but if these feelings are overwhelming you need them to be really heard and properly considered before you can move into acceptance (if it's really not possible).