How did you come to terms with the ending of your marriage?

[user2466]

Hi,

My ex and I have been separated for three months now. I feel as though it doesn’t feel any better than it did three months ago, if anything the whole process feels more painful as it’s the realisation that this is life now. It’s just so hard to accept that the family I had envisioned for us is now broken. We have a two year old daughter and I feel so guilty about it ending.

AIBU to think it should hurt less by now?

Three months is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Keep reminding yourself why you left, what you needed that you weren’t getting and work towards making those things happen as much as you can. Focus on your child and just ride out the first year or so

@Lmnop22 surely if it hasn’t got any better it shouldn’t feel worse either? 🙈😩 I keep telling myself it’s probably for the best but telling myself is easy, accepting it is the harder part

In my experience it came in waves. Some weeks I would feel OK and strong, other weeks I would miss him so much it was one hour at a time to get through it. Gradually the good periods took over the bad but it did take time and it’s a big adjustment - you’ve got this!

I kept reminding myself that I never had to deal with his toxic family ever again, and that always cheered me right up!

Three months isn't very long. You're basically grieving and it takes time to process and for the intensity of the emotions to drain away.

This is exactly how it was for me. It’s not linear, it comes in waves. It’s like a bereavement. The withdrawal from your person sets off the same reactions in the brain as withdrawal from drugs.

It might take you a hell of a long time to come to terms & put it behind you. Dont try to rush. Take every day as it comes. Slowly slowly it will get easier.

Take time to heal. Look after yourself and concentrate on your little-one. Behave with dignity and whatever you hear or learn about your ex, develop the mantra “Let him, let them.”

Good luck. There’s a lot of us out there. You’re not alone.

Still doesn’t feel any easier 😟