For feeling sad for my firstborn?

[GreenHeather271]

Mum to 22mo and 7 week old. Planned second child but maybe happened a bit sooner than expected, know we are lucky in that sense. 22mo DS1 has been v clingy in the last few weeks. Trying to spend as much one on one time with him as possible. Generally a good sleeper but been waking early calling for mummy and daddy. Fighting naps even though he needs them. Trying to meet his needs - currently sat in bed cuddling DS1 hoping he falls asleep - after attempting to put him in his cot awake as we previously would have been able to. Aborted mission v quickly as he was screaming for us. Have had this overwhelmingly sad feeling since yesterday, that DS1 has had to grow up quickly, isn’t getting as much one on one time and generally is just more temperamental than before.

Could you take him out in the pushchair for a walk? Should get him to nod off. Yanbu though, it is a bit sad hes had to grow up fast but you can’t change it now. When they are older hopefully they will be good friends and enjoy having each other as company!

Aww don't worry. It's a really rough ride when you first have 2 with a small gap. I had 18m between my first two. The older one did grow up a bit quicker, but it soon settles, you just adjust to each phase as you're in it.

I then had my third 2y 1m after him, so honestly, it will get better!

I managed to get him to sleep with cuddles, transferred him to our bed and swapped
places with daddy who was dealing with our newborn.. constant tag teaming it feels like. But you are right, very much hoping they grow up to be the best of friends!

The early days are hard! Dd was 3.5 when DS came along and I struggled so hard with the changes to her life. It's been almost a year now and they adore each other, hang in there!

I have similar age gaps. It gets much easier. My youngest is currently with the oldest and their partners celebrating his 25th birthday at her flat in London. Small age gaps can pay dividends in due course!

There are pros and cons to all age gaps and family set ups. Ten years between mine and while there are a lot of pros, my god it feels like I’ve been doing things like the nursery/school run & commute, Santa, Halloween etc etc for bloody years! 😂 When youngest DD is 18, I’ll have spent 28 years of my life with an under 18!

It gets easier as they get older. I’ve a year between my two. The pros far outweighed the cons though it didn’t feel like it at the time. They’re now early 30s and are still very close despite one living overseas.

I have that age gap with my eldest 2, now 19 and 17. The early days were extremely hard but it did get better and they are the best of friends now and have been for a long time.

I have 19 months between dd1 and dd2 and dd1 found it hard at first and regressed but she has always adored dd2. They are both in their 30s, went to the same university and are still very close. They have both chosen a longer gap between their own dc!

I have the same age gap and honestly my two grew up best of friends and are now 10 and 11 and are still really close. Don’t feel guilty, you’ve given him a sibling!
Also, could you move him to a toddler bed rather than a cot? Sounds a bit crazy but it worked for us. Our daughter felt a bit more ‘grown up’ when she got a big girl bed and it made her feel special.

I have a 19 month age gap and I look back now and do feel a bit guilty for some of the expectations I had of the eldest who was also just a baby himself! But honestly he doesn’t remember life without his brother and they are now 4 and 5 and best friends. Also he did drop his nap around 23 months so based on what you are saying about his sleep- that could be happening. It’s early and I was devastated to lose the nap time but it is possible that’s why he is struggling to go to sleep and waking early.