Struggling to advocate for myself at the doctors any advice

[sleepyjessie]

Hi everyone

I’ve never been great at speaking up for myself with medical professionals and it’s something I really want to work on. I feel like I just fall apart in appointments and I don’t know why. I get flustered and can’t explain everything properly and afterwards I’m left thinking did I make sense did I forget to say something important

Lately I’ve been feeling exhausted pretty much all the time. Even with a decent amount of sleep I wake up tired and by the evening I’m completely drained. I’m always cold, my body temperature feels really low, and sometimes I get lightheaded or dizzy when I stand up. I’ve also noticed some brain fog and headaches that make it hard to concentrate.

I suspect it could be related to a deficiency or possibly my thyroid, but I find it hard to get these things taken seriously because I struggle to advocate for myself. For example with chronic sinus problems I let things slide for years because I couldn’t push back and ended up needing surgery. I don’t want to let anything else go unnoticed

I’d really love advice from anyone who struggles or has struggled with this
• How do you advocate for yourself in appointments
• How do you make sure doctors take you seriously when you’re anxious
• Are there tricks or strategies to help keep everything organised and get the most out of appointments

Thanks in advance any tips would be really appreciated

I think I’m just scared that if I don’t get listened to this time I’m going to just live feeling this way forever

Absolutely understandable and I'm sorry you have had these experiences. I'm a big fan of "I feel as though you are dismissing my concerns".

I just don’t really back myself enough to do this. I don’t know why, it’s just something that happens when I’m in medical appointments

Take someone with you then. Do you have any friends or relatives who would be willing to accompany you?

its a phone call so I can’t take anyone

Take your time and write some notes including

• a list of symptoms
• how they are affecting your life
• what things you have already tried and how effective they were
• what conditions you’re really worried about/what you think the problem might be (if you have ideas)
• tell them what you’re hoping for eg is there something you particularly want them to physically examine? Are there any particular tests you expect them to request? Is there a medication you’d like to try?

If they say they don’t think it’s a condition you’re worried about ask why they don’t think that - a good GP should be able to reassure you with evidence eg. It can’t be x because you don’t have this specific symptom or whatever.
If they say you don’t need the test you ask for, again ask why. Often patients ask for inappropriate tests that are really not the best way to investigate their problem but there are often other tests they don’t know of/haven’t thought about that are better.

Before you leave get a clear plan for follow up. Most importantly is probably ‘what should I do if the tests are normal/the
medication doesn’t work and I feel the same in two weeks/a month’.

You are seeking something. You are seeking medical investigations and diagnosis. That's your GPs job to provide.
I am a clinician and every time I need to see a GP, I have a full list of my symptoms and possible health problems I think may be present and what I have done so far myself trying to resolve symptoms. I have never been accused of "wanting something" during a consult.
If the GP says they don't think I have a problem I think I have, then I ask them what they think might be the issue and what investigations or further referrals they are proposing.

How do you work up the nerve to do this? I just completely fall apart and accept whatever they’re saying to me even if I don’t think it’s right

I don't need to work up the nerve. That's the power of having everything written up. At the end of the day, the GP is there to help you. So approach from the position of power.

I’ve just always been made to feel that I’m not in a position of power. Like I’m being told off for daring to be there

Hi OP. I know that some people might disagree with me but I was brought up to go to the GP looking as good as possible (not withstanding something obviously unwell like a chest infection!)

So when I go, I wear my best, smartest clothes. The same thing I would wear to a job interview or similar. Hair done, make up on (although I know that if you are feeling depressed this could lead to a Dr not taking you seriously enough)

I therefore give off 'intelligent, well put together woman' vibes. I feel that I am taken far more seriously like this. And it gives me a bit of extra confidence.

I also feel very nervous at the GP, and don't benefit from taking a list as I usually walk in with it and forget to look at it and then leave with it still in my hand!

If its an econsult, a tip I saw was to write all the symptoms down on a document and add as a photograph at the part you can add photos. Saves you trying yo condense it all into a small space.

I write lists. I'm firm, and insist on eg a referral. I complain. I take a person with me, this changes the whole atmosphere.

Don't use AI
Keep it brief & focused

I'm exhausted, for however long (weeks/months), sleeping well but not refreshed on waking, it's interfering with everyday life/activities, I'd like blood tests to investigate this please.

They'll likely ask questions about life stressors, other signs & symptoms, any red flags, your concerns

Have a look at docready.org.uk. I know you can create a sort of checklist or note on there when you go to a doctor to talk about mental health. There is no reason you cannot apply it to help for a physical condition. I am sorry you have had unhelpful experiences so far, and I’m glad you are challenging that narrative.

When you have your phone call please imagine all of the posters on this thread standing behind you cheering you on to exercise your right to ask for what you need! 💪🏻

Write a list, role play with someone beforehand, do whatever you need to do to get your point across. You could even read parts of your opening post here!

You can do it!

@sleepyjessie I am sorry GP's/Dr's have made you feel like this.

1. They are humans
2. They are no better than you
3. They have professional expertise that you want and have already paid for.
4. When the phone rings, answer and say "Sleepy Jessie speaking"
5. Good morning/afternoon, thank you for calling. I appreciate we only have 10 minutes so have made a lost of my symptoms and concerns.
6. List symptoms
7. The symptoms lead me to consider x, y, z and I think it would be helpful to run tests for x, y, z
8. What are your thoughts based on what I have told you?
9. If the GP dismisses your concerns, ask to be referred to a specialist.

You say you can't have someone with you because it's a telephone consultation but you could. When the doctor calls, just say x is with me for moral support and I'm puttong my phone on loud speaker. I can get nervous on these calls and they have my permission to speak up for me.

How about practising with a friend or your mum pretending to be the doctor ?
Tell them to be a bit dismissive so you can prepare replies. It does take practise.

Your OP and subsequent posts are very clearly written, so you know your subject.

I agree to having bullet points written down, which include a list of treatments already tried.

Remember take a deep breath before answering if you are feeling lost or flustered.

In your OP you mention examples of feeling unwell. Write those down and take them in with you. I have a thyroid condition and, after feeling unwell for years due to being medicated but UNDER medicated and being ignored and fobbed off with 'your blood test results are within range', I finally went in with a written list of symptoms, including numbers as examples. This was thanks, in part, to having a tracker watch and a thermometer and being able to refer to the readings from them. I used these as headline figures then followed up with all the other symptoms I had but couldn't quantify. I also had written examples that really, really explained the impact each symptom was having on me and my daily life. That was the first time I was listened to.

For example, my body temperature is xyz, which is below what it should be (I believe the average is xyz) and I feel cold all the time. My resting heart rate is dropping to xyz, when I believe the average is xyz, and I'm always tired and struggling to wake up every morning making me late for work.

You MUST write it down and take it in with you, if it helps. If you feel you aren't being listened to, you need to be as prepared as possible to 'over'-advocate in order to push your point home. You deserve this. How many hours are you sleeping each night then on a scale of 1 to 10, how tired are you? What actually is your body temperature usually/over a couple of days when you wake up, at lunchtime, at bedtime? Note it down over a couple of days and take it in to the appointment with you.

Having a thyroid condition could itself be impacting on your ability to explain yourself as it affects how quickly your body 'lives', moves, thinks etc etc. Writing things down in your own time beforehand is probably useful to the GP as well as you. Put yourself in the GPs position here too. A list of specific symptoms and clear examples of the impact they are having is far easier to work with than a list of general symptoms that you sort of remember in the moment. The more specific you can be the better and, if you need to do that in writing, then so be it.

If they refuse to accept this, speak to the practice manager and ask for an appointment with a different GP. It's your right to be given appropriate healthcare.

Also, if you can, check the NICE guidelines for the conditions you suspect. They usually set out guidelines for the GP to follow when treating conditions.

(Sorry this response got quite long! Good luck OP. You can do this. xx)

^ This.

It's absolutely fine to talk about how it's affecting your life.

That was what got me help for my migraines- I hadn't been to the GP for 20 years about them as I'd been fobbed off...not realising that in that time pain medication has developed considerably and there was a simple triptan tablet that I could take for them.

I told them I genuinely thought I'd have to give up Work if It continued and couldn't carry on like that.