To not want to go ‘home’ for Christmas

[vespersjack]

This year, DH and I moved 3 hours away from our families (his big, mine very small) for his work and have recently had our first child (4 month old).

The transition to motherhood has been overwhelming, mentally, emotionally, physically…it’s been so much harder than I imagined but I’m in love with DD.

DH wants to spend Xmas day just us at home but Boxing Day and until New Years Day staying with his family and visiting round extended family and friends houses. I’m exhausted by the prospect and feeling quite anxious - am I being a big Scrooge?

Ive taking on the SAHM role and am with DD 24/7 although DH helps at weekends. She was a colicky baby and barely sleeps. I’m holding on by a thread.
In laws are lovely but their house is very chaotic and we won’t have much privacy. DH thinks I’m making a mountain out of a molehill not wanting to disrupt our current set up where everything is a bit more familiar. Am I being unreasonable not wanting to drive 3+ hours as well as staying over for a week? Right now the plan is that we are going but it’s because I feel like I have to and everyone will think im miserable and keeping DD away at Christmas otherwise.

He is being selfish, this is a trip for HIM and I bet he will likely be too drunk most of the time to be an equal parent whilst you're away which means you will also be doing a lot of the driving and parenting and feeding and changing.

Your home is where you now live; your family is now you, your DH and your baby. You're exhausted with a colicky, EBF baby - if ever there was a time your needs and views should come first, this is it. Spending a week visiting extended family is ridiculous in the circumstances, and your DH clearly has no idea how exhausted you are and how much work is involved.
Stay at home, you can recharge your batteries, your DH can share the workload and bond with your DD, and family can visit you for a few hours and drive home the same day.
Having moved away you will face this problem every year so you need to stand firm now, decide how you want your family Xmas to be, and stick to it. Otherwise you'll spend every Xmas running round visiting extended family - children are only little for a few years and there's plenty of time for visiting when they're older.

Stay home.

@elQuintoConyo you took the words right out of my mouth! Stay put, OP 💐

nope. There is no fun in dragging a tiny baby around for days on end.
And it's round his family not yours, so - realistically - how much will he be doing?

you could suggest he does it next year while you stay home.

The lurgies doing the rounds would keep me at home.

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Hell no, stay home. If family won't/can't travel to see you then video call them. Travelling with a baby just means you have a worse time than if you'd stayed at home (unless the baby is a dream sleeper and your relatives are professional nannies in which case go for it)

My little one is a similar age. Not a fucking chance am I travelling that far, having to make at least one stop to feed/get out of car seat, with all the stuff we need, to trek round loads of places constantly disrupting sleep and feeding

Please show your DH this thread OP. You really, really aren't being unreasonable.

Honestly, 15 people is too much and Boxing Day to New Year's Day is too long. You have said that you are EBF so that limits the help that your DH can give and it will make you more anxious if other family members try and take the baby away. The lack of privacy would be a worry as well. You are sleep deprived and anxious so you probably won't be able to relax.

How would your DH react if you told him that you don't want to go?

Depends on the family, will they be helping, providing all meals and perhaps letting you have a break a little? Visiting people where we don’t have to help do any household things could be a great idea

I've done it, not at Xmas & baby was slightly younger. It was hard not being at home in familiar surroundings but was nice to see everyone.

It's your call though, you're the Mum! 😉

A week away is too long. Ugh.

So say oh thank you but I want to head up earlier than 1 I’ll just grab a taxi- not really sure the issue?

The three hour travel alone is a good enough “excuse”.
Tell them they’re welcome to drop by to your place if they’re that desperate to see you, I bet they won’t!