Mum expect us to drop everything so she can see GC

[superbakedpotato]

Just as the title says. My mum just expects DH and I to drop everything, cancel plans, ignore our baby's nap schedules and meal times so she can drop in with no warning because she wants to see 10mo DD.

Don't get me wrong, it's lovely that she wants to spend time with her, but it's always on her terms, she gives so little notice that she wants to pop round, and if for any reason we say no or suggest an alternative time, she throws a strop and falls out with us.

Is it just me? What am I supposed to do? I find myself, against my better judgement, abandoning my baby's naps knowing I'm getting myself in for a horrific nights sleep, just to avoid a big to-do with my mum. It's so stressful, I'm fed up of it. AIBU to expect her to understand we can't just drop everything every time she wants to pop in on a whim?

Be firm. It's nap time now, so come later and child will be in a good mood and lots of fun.
We don't change nap time, or I get no sleep. Later is the best time.

Give her your babies schedule, highlight when she can’t come as it will disrupt the routine your baby needs. The next time she wants to be a nuisance ask her why she wants to come when your baby is unavailable. Tell her to get used to it unless she intends to go and pull them out of school in a few years time.

I'm a dgm and dd1 is obsessed about her dd's nap times. I was never like that with my 4dc but it works for her and that's fine. I love spending time with dd1 whilst dgd is asleep. It's easier now as dgd is 19 months and only has one nap.

My 16 month goes for a nap around 12pm for 2 hours. I make sure we are home by 11.30am. No excuses.

My family know the nap time. If they choose to come during that, they dont see DS.

Set some boundaries and stick to them. Otherwise its a rod for your own back.

If she was actually thinking of your DD she would respect her nap times op, your mum is a selfish cow.
Just tell keep telling her no when it's not convenient and when she starts flapping her gums at you put the phone down, don't entertain any of her manipulative spiel.

It's an unfortunate situation but you have to be firm now, because it will only get worse.

She's being a dick so don't feel too sorry for her. If managing her means keeping her at arms length then it does.

I know she's your mum, but would your husband be willing to help being firm with her? That bit of distance might help. Change things now, it will only get harder.

Your mum sounds quite manipulative. She can't dictate to you to drop everything just for her. She needs to realise that you're the baby's mum and she cannot control your lives by sulking and guilt tripping. Tell her a firm no if she doesn't expect it remind her that having a tantrum and going into a strop doesn't get her what she wants just like that behaviour won't work for your daughter when she's older either. If she wants to cut you off for not giving in to her demands let her you may get some peace from her

I travel 2:5 hrs each way to see my GC. I adhere to what parents say regarding nap times, sometimes having to cut short my visit but that’s what I expect. I wouldn’t dream of being stroppy. I agree that you need to be firm but I wouldn’t advocate lying ( saying you are out etc) as this could turn round and bite you on the bum.

I travel 2:5 hrs each way to see my GC. I adhere to what parents say regarding nap times, sometimes having to cut short my visit but that’s what I expect. I wouldn’t dream of being stroppy. I agree that you need to be firm but I wouldn’t advocate lying ( saying you are out etc) as this could turn round and bite you on the bum.

If she doesn't live in the same house as you you don't have to deal with the the big to-do. She says she's coming over at X, you say baby will be asleep so come over at Y if you want to see them, I won't be opening the door at X so that they aren't disturbed' mute your notifications from her and let her mither on, don't answer until later on in the evening and say she made her choice, if she wants to see baby the following day Y (or Z, whenever) is a good time.
Essentially you are dealing with a child having a tantrum - this is good parenting practice for when baby is a toddler! She has learned that stomping her foot and whinging sends you into a flap and you ll give her whatever she wants to make her quiet. It will be a learning curve for her to realise that you really have boundaries now, but she's an adult, time to act like one. (and if you have to take the batteries out of your doorbell while she's learning so be it)

“She’s asleep mum, let’s have a brew while we wait for her to wake up”

“Fast asleep, loose woman are on the telly tho, do you want a sandwich”

She’ll either figure it out and change the time or just enjoy your company instead. And if she doesn’t like it, or starts making noises about waking GD up, it’s time to set firm boundaries and risk falling out.