Child’s needs secondary to friend’s

[keeponswimming3]

DC’s friend has SEN. During infant years they really struggled with behaviour with regular suspensions and class evacuations but the school at that time could not provide the right level of support.
They’ve now moved into junior years and the level of support for the Friend has been brilliant allowing them to fully engage with school.
DC is a very chilled “go with the flow” type of kid and loves their Friend but has recently started to complain to me how the Friend can get away with not doing as much work but gets more House Points or gets praised for doing much less. I’ve explained to them why this is which they accept (although probably not that happy about it)

DC also stated that the Friend regularly steals DC’s workbook as a joke but DC doesn’t like it. When they tell the teacher he takes a very gentle approach which doesn’t work but (in DC’s words) he's trying not to make the Friend angry.

Finally I found out today through Friend’s dad that DC had got so annoyed at Friend that they asked to be moved away so that they could finish their work. This was told to Friend’s dad by the teacher in the context of “I hope it’s ok with Friend that DC wants to move”. No one spoke to me about this and in my opinion if DC wants to move because their learning is being disrupted then Friend’s needs shouldn’t trump this.

Should I just let things lie or should I be bringing this up with the teacher? It’s so good that this year’s approach is really helping the Friend but it shouldn’t be to the detriment of DS. Or am I being too sensitive?

As the parent of a child with SEN you need to take this up with the school!!! The teacher should NOT have told the other child’s parents this for a start!!! NONE of their business!!! Also if your child isn’t coping being near them in class then they should be prioritising them!

Probably just giving the Friend’s dad a heads up in case Friend mentioned it or was upset.

Provided your DC was moved, which from the comment to Friend’s dad seems like she was, then I don’t see how Friend is being prioritised.

Sounds like your DC was moved as she wished but some damage control was done so that Friend doesn’t feel left out or her feelings about it can be managed.

I wouldn’t make a fuss about Friend’s dad being told what happened even though he shouldn’t have been!

This was told to Friend’s dad by the teacher in the context of “I hope it’s ok with Friend that DC wants to move”.

I would absolutely speak to the school about the way that's been presented.

Just to make sure that it's badly worded, rather than giving the friend's parents the mistaken belief that if their child wants/demands/needs your DC to be moved back then that's what will happen.

Your child isn't there to enable their friend, they are there for their own education.

I have a child who was the friend, I also worked in schools for 20 years and with neither hat on is that wording acceptable, and needs clarifying.

I think your DS did the right thing and I would encourage him to do more of the same and distance himself when needed (permanently if necessary).

Secondly a firm word with the school, advising them that DF is not any of DS concern, him wanting to sit away form DF is not up for debate, and doesn’t require any explanation.

Advocate for your child! To use the cliche, ‘Every child matters’. If your child’s learning is being disrupted due to being a support cushion for friend, then this needs to be rectified.

Of course you should speak to your child's teacher and raise any concerns that you have. The teacher may have been letting friend's parent know in case he was upset, just to give the parents a heads up. Friend's dad may have been paraphrasing so it's better to have the conversation with your child's teacher.

Thanks everyone. Reassuring to hear others opinions.
I will arrange to speak with the teacher to discuss my concerns.