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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Baby dad troubles 🤦🏻‍♀️

26 replies

SShelby · 11/12/2025 17:08

So my daughter’father’ sees her at my place once or twice a week at best, pretty much sits on his phone and barks out orders. Last night he decided he was in a bad mood and started on my two year old daughter, the most used phrase was NO and she was getting as sick of it as I was, by 9pm she was still up uncontrollably crying as he was laying down the law and then saying to me I’m too soft on her and she should be in her own bed and physically trying to pick her up and throw her in bed while loosing his temper. I told him to leave and he was like I’m sorting this out forst, even though making it ten time worse. Eventually after successfully kicking him out, it took an hour to settle down and go to sleep and I received a whole load of abusive messages. My only reply was if you want to lay the law down you need to have more contact with her, but don’t ever come in my home accusing me of not parenting correctly and upsetting her he generally scared her.

OP posts:
Charel2girl5 · 11/12/2025 17:14

I would report him for child abuse and never let him through the door again. I really hope you have a record of all he says and surreptitiously record him next time so you can quote his vile comments accurately. I’m just saying this because at times in heated moments it’s difficult to remember everything
Your poor little girl, I really hope things work out. An adult that can put a little one through that is a true ba**ard!

Charel2girl5 · 11/12/2025 17:15

And incidentally he’s not a dad, my children’s father have never verbally abused our children like that.

Hankunamatata · 11/12/2025 17:15

Organise contact at a centre? Or arrange to meet once a week at soft play?

SShelby · 11/12/2025 17:39

Thank you everyone, I have saved all messages and also have camera up indoors at not the first time this sort of thing happens xx

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 11/12/2025 17:52

Tell him you’re stopping contact and he can take you to court if he can be bothered. He probably won’t. Tell your HV and nursery if she goes. He sounds like very bad news. How sad for your daughter.

cestlavielife · 11/12/2025 17:54

Stop him coming. Tell your hv so it is on record.
Let him go to court for contact

Colleaguecomments · 11/12/2025 17:54

What on earth did you see in this man which made you think it would be a good idea to bring a child into the world with him?

Of course YANBU!

PithyTaupeWriter · 11/12/2025 18:10

What a nasty bully, I can't bring myself to refer to him as a man. Imagine being so weak and pathetic that you verbally and physically abuse a 2 year old. You have a duty to protect your DC, please do not let him anywhere your daughter again. You are setting an example to her of what is tolerable and acceptable behaviour from a man.

SShelby · 11/12/2025 18:14

Thank you everyone, he promised he had changed but it never lasts long, I’ve tried but it always ends up being my fault or something that I’ve done, we were back together for nearly 2 years then I found out I was his secret… that should of being red flag city. Sounds so silly but wanted to ask other mums to see if I was really the issue, I know she’s a mummy’s girl and slepps in my bed but I’ve always learnt mummy is safe (my mum was the same for me and I couldn’t imagine my life without that lady now xxx

OP posts:
ItsDarkNow · 11/12/2025 18:14

Is that the last time he will be in your house?

zeddybrek · 11/12/2025 18:17

What a horrible excuse for a human. I coslept with my daughter until she was 6 because it's what she wanted and worked for us. Totally out of order for him to scare her and demand you both follow his orders. A textbook bully. Arrange contact time in public spaces or anywhere outside of your home. Sorry you have to deal with him.

OneGreySeal · 11/12/2025 18:20

Op it’s abuse and cruel to let that man into your house ever again! Protect your little girl. Don’t you dare let him near her. Wtf does lay the law down mean. She’s two and a baby. She can sleep with you if that works. She will gradually transition to her bed but that needs patience, love and attention.

kittywittyandpretty · 11/12/2025 18:23

Download one of the many parenting apps and you only communicate with him through that
And then when you kick him out of your home, you can turn off the app
Block all of the means of communication immediately

ParmaVioletTea · 11/12/2025 18:31

YANBU for chucking him out.

YABU for having a child with this loser of a man and then letting him anywhere near her.

pinkyredrose · 11/12/2025 18:37

There's no way he would be seeing my daughter again. He's v abusive.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 11/12/2025 18:40

Why did you let it go on so long?

Vaxtable · 11/12/2025 18:43

He would have been kicked out well before throwing her onto the bed, that’s abuse even if it meant calling the police

I would not be having him in the house now and he can go to court for access and you can provide a list of all he has done to her

SShelby · 11/12/2025 19:03

Thank you everyone, it went on (the secret relationship) for so long because I belived all the drama was my fault, I belived I was doing wrong. My baby girl is definitely not leaving my bed until she wants too, it’s me her and our dog and that’s perfect. She’s got her own room and can move into it whenever she’s ready - I don’t see a problem there. Thank you everyone, definitely no more I’ve had it with her being scared and upset by him and if he wants to go to court I have more than enough to bring to the table, really appreciate you guys setting my mind steady, I sometimes start to belive I’m on the wrong. The lies he tells and then blames it on me does get in my head.

OP posts:
CheeseIsMyIdol · 11/12/2025 19:07

Have you considered the Freedom Programme? For your daughter's sake.

surprisebaby12 · 11/12/2025 19:10

People don’t change. None of the things he did were ok and you need to protect your daughter from him.

LIZS · 11/12/2025 19:19

It is not up to you to facilitate contact, especially if not reliable and in your home. As it stands he is still controlling you and abusive. As he is abusive towards you and your dd and refuses to leave, it needs to be supervised by someone neutral, if not a willing family member or friend, a sw, and for a regular limited session. Tell him to go to court for contact in future.

notatinydancer · 11/12/2025 19:24

Colleaguecomments · 11/12/2025 17:54

What on earth did you see in this man which made you think it would be a good idea to bring a child into the world with him?

Of course YANBU!

She probably didn’t have a crystal ball.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 11/12/2025 19:25

notatinydancer · 11/12/2025 19:24

She probably didn’t have a crystal ball.

Yeah, I'm sure he was prince charming before.

SShelby · 11/12/2025 21:19

I mean no regrets, my girl is a true blessing and the most perfect thing to come into my life. If I knew at the time I would not change a thing, my girl is my total life and more. I’m sure most mums would say the same.

OP posts:
OCDmama · 11/12/2025 21:50

You would be unreasonable if you ever let this happen again. Cut contact, let him take you to court.

This is abuse. Do not facilitate it again.

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