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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Following girls online

13 replies

Bernie54 · 11/12/2025 16:16

Been with my partner 3 years, when we first met he had been single a few years, we added each other on social media, and his follow list was lots of women, not friends just randoms, fair enough as he was single then, I mentioned that I didn’t like him following them now he was with me, so he unfollowed them all. However the odd one still pops up from time to time. 2 days ago I noticed he was following a new woman and I asked who she was, he said why and then said he hadn’t followed her and must be a mistake (I don’t believe him) fast track today…he is saying he feels depressed, hasn’t slept and doesn’t want to see me tonight, says I don’t trust him and I’m accusing him for a liar etc etc , now threatening to finish the relationship. AIBU to ask who she was, should I of just left it. He is clearly deflecting now, but would welcome any thoughts.

OP posts:
SwanSong30 · 11/12/2025 16:19

Why are you checking out who he’s following?

Bernie54 · 11/12/2025 16:22

SwanSong30 · 11/12/2025 16:19

Why are you checking out who he’s following?

Good point I don’t know hence why I’m asking AIBU

OP posts:
SwanSong30 · 11/12/2025 16:29

Bernie54 · 11/12/2025 16:22

Good point I don’t know hence why I’m asking AIBU

If you trust him there wouldn’t be a need to check. If he’s giving you cause for concern then fair enough, but if you’re checking out who he’s following because of your own insecurities then you need to stop or you will push him away.

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 11/12/2025 16:30

I wouldn't want my partner following women on social media tbh and he wouldn't do it in my opinion you are not being unreasonable if anything he has no respect for you

Pashazade · 11/12/2025 16:30

He’s got a guilty conscience. Threatening to break things up rather than reassuring you? Not worth the drama.

SpoonBaloon · 11/12/2025 16:32

I think it’s unwise to use the word “girls” when you’re implying your partner is interested in them.

ginasevern · 11/12/2025 16:33

"he is saying he feels depressed, hasn’t slept and doesn’t want to see me tonight, says I don’t trust him and I’m accusing him for a liar etc etc , now threatening to finish the relationship."

Let him. I think you have every reason not to trust him. He's demonstrating every classic male tactic of deflection. Didn't you know it's all your fault OP! And so it will continue.

Terrytheweasel · 11/12/2025 16:33

I would leave him alone to reflect a little. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable by not wanting him to follow women on social media but can you clarify, do you mean model types or any woman?

Bernie54 · 11/12/2025 16:35

Terrytheweasel · 11/12/2025 16:33

I would leave him alone to reflect a little. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable by not wanting him to follow women on social media but can you clarify, do you mean model types or any woman?

The first ones were model types, this one was a Snapchat type lots of followers

OP posts:
Crofthead · 11/12/2025 16:36

Girls? How young?

Bernie54 · 11/12/2025 16:43

Crofthead · 11/12/2025 16:36

Girls? How young?

Sorry I meant women

OP posts:
Bernie54 · 11/12/2025 16:44

SpoonBaloon · 11/12/2025 16:32

I think it’s unwise to use the word “girls” when you’re implying your partner is interested in them.

I was in a hurry to post I meant women

OP posts:
BansheeOfTheSouth · 11/12/2025 16:47

Bernie54 · 11/12/2025 16:35

The first ones were model types, this one was a Snapchat type lots of followers

He is following a snapchat account? He's not following for their intellectual posts.

Call his bluff, end the relationship yourself.

Following models and celebrities is very different to following content producers.

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