I have elderly parents and they’re driving me mad but I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable! A bit of back story- I’ve got three small kids, married, recently started working again and have moved house (used to live very far away from parents, now live a bit closer but still am a fair few hours away)
Since I’ve moved and started working again I just keep receiving constant text messages. I mentioned a Christmas night out and she wanted to know I had got home safely- she has never worried before and when we lived further away we were always out and about and she was never concerned. I worked late on Tuesday and she was pestering me again worrying about getting home. She was concerned when we moved that it was a high crime area (it isn’t) and even roped in her even more elderly sister being concerned - she’d checked the national crime statistics for where I was moving and even though it was low, as it was higher than where she lives (middle of nowhere) she had decided it was the equivalent of moving to a war zone. If I don’t respond immediately I get more and more texts. Sometimes she’s called other people if I haven’t replied as she’s so sick with worry!
I mainly work from home but sometimes I do have to travel and so I work slightly later. I’m 35, have my own car and have lived in much rougher places, but suddenly now it’s a constant concern. I’ve tried reassuring her, I’ve tried explaining to her, I’ve tried not telling her, but she manages to find out. On Tuesday for example she was trying to call me and I explained I was at work. Immediately it was a concerned message about getting home in the dark- it was before 8pm so not exactly late.
Shes also started demanding contact and responses immediately. Today she wanted me to call her this morning and when I explained I can’t as I am working, immediately she responded ‘but you’re at home!’ She’s now retired but has worked her entire life in a very good (albeit office based) job. She has plenty of activities to keep her busy but this means that she expects me to fit round her timetable. She has now booked to come and see us after Christmas and when I explained I would be working in the day but was happy to spend evenings etc with her she immediately was offended. I can’t take holiday because I have to be off when my children are off school, and quite frankly I don’t want to have to waste holiday just because she’s decided to visit at a different time.
I’m starting to feel quite controlled by the demands. I have three children who take up a huge amount of my time, a job that is very mentally taxing and a husband whose parent is dying. It’s all quite a lot to be thinking about and so everytime I receive another message demanding reassurance I instantly feel irritated! AIBU in feeling like she has become overbearing. She’s mentioned growing distant from my siblings and to be honest now I can understand if she’s done this to them as well!