To struggle supporting my pregnant friend?

[OiMum]

I am posting this at the risk of being labelled a complete pariah. Please don't assasinate me!

This is a long story. My friend is in a desperately bad relationship (by her own admission) and they got married last year so they could start a family. This was the sole reason. The wedding ended with 5 of his mates holding her brother down whilst he repeatedly stamped on him, him slapping his sister and her mum getting a smack in the face. Enough for most of us to get rid, you would think.

He is a cocaine addict who has racked up huge debt by secretly withdrawing thousands of pounds on their credit card to buy it. He spends every weekend caning it or recovering. He is also on steroids and has hit her in the past blaming it on this.

The problem is that she is now 6 months pregnant and keeps moaning to me about him but when I reach the point of offering my opinion she gets upset. It's now got to the point where I can't be bothered with it all anymore as she constantly forgives his disgusting behaviour and PLANNED to have this baby knowing what he and his family are like and having said 'well if it doesn't last, it doesn't last'. She's already got the nursery booked up for 4 days a week 8 to 6 as she says he won't be able to cope if she's not earning money as he can't go without going out every weekend and shopping for clothes!! Seriously.

I know it's her life but how can you bring a baby into that? It makes me so upset. I know none of us are perfect but he's about as far from it as possible.

You are in an impossible situation. It's incredibly difficult to be someone's shoulder and to offer them the "support" they keep seeking from you when it's repeatedly thrown back in your face and/or your advice is ignored.

I'm sure you understand she is caught in an abusive relationship by the sounds of it and this is why she can't break free (yet). The caring side of you wants to help but you're not a robot and we all have our limits. Additionally, being confronted with this sort of frustrating despair on a regular basis can really drag you down and make you feel depressed ....... again, this is no reason to beat yourself up if you feel you can't cope with it anymore.

No-one can tell you what you "should" or "shouldn't do", because there is no right answer in this kind of situation, and there never will be until she comes to her senses. This might take years, and there comes a point where you have to look after yourself too if the friendship gets too draining. In your position, I'd probably be feeling the same as you ...... itching to get away, but feeling "guilty" at the same time, especially as she's pregnant. Poor kid.

Is this for real?

I would stay well out of it tbh.

You're right, it is completely draining as every time she calls you moaning she offloads, feels a load better whilst you're left feeling like crap.....and to be honest, quite angry!

And yep, it's for real. What I've posted isn't half of it. His mother got so p*ssed at a barbecue they had a couple of years ago sh grabbed me by the hair & punched me in the face! His friends have also had prostitutes back to their house whilst she's been away for the weekend (but of course he never has).

It's so difficult but I think I just have to detach myself from it all & let her get on with it. Friends are meant to listen but Jesus, I have my own problems without her EastEnders style dramas! I almost think she's secretly liking the drama.