Colleague spreading his stuff on my desk

[Notyouthful]

Have asked him many times not to do this. Currently in training so unable to move desks. When he went to the toilet I put all his stuff on his desk. He was upset on returning. Raised this with the development coach and she had a word with him. He still does this.

What are we supposed to do with him?

Why did you wait until he went to the loo to move his stuff back on to his desk? Why aren't you moving it back, in front of him, as soon as he does it? (And if he gets upset, asking him why he thinks it's OK to keep doing this?) Push back (literally and metaphorically) - verbally challenge his behaviour and stop being so passive.

He doesn't have a cousin who has a bedroom full of her own clothes but then also stores an additional big rail of her clothes in her brother's bedroom that he uses once a week, does he?!

Anything on your desk he clearly doesn't want, so bin it

I think we really need to know what stuff it is. Beyond a laptop, keyboard, water cup and notepad/pen what stuff does he have? I'd be temped to "capture" it and put it in my desk.. "oh I thought it was mine it was on my desk". But of course the real way is to pull him up when he does it. I'd say "for christ's sake ian, stop piling your crap on my desk" and make him pick it up. No way would I be copying in managers on an email about this!

This is me! I am quite a chaotic person and I tend to arrive in a flurry, sit down chatting away, plug in my laptop while still talking and leave an array of lunch bags: chargers etc around me. Some people say to me very clearly…get your rubbish off my desk! Others more of my mindset barely notice and all our stuff mingles together! As with so many things in life, your personality will dictate how you respond. I take being admonished in good spirits and drag my stuff back to my desk but it doesn’t change my overall chaos and I get told off frequently. Office life will always bring its little bug bears!

You’re dealing with a dickhead who doesn’t understand personal space. Can you make a ‘wall’ from a desk tidy / books / bookends so he can’t just spread things by shoving them forward? Obviously, you shouldn’t have to, but having to repeatedly move his ever-encroaching crap is going to get very tiring.

If you placed it carefully on his desk you need to change your method. Scoop it into a bin... If he proclaims what have you down to his stuff. Claim you thought it was crap abandoned on your desk. And maybe he needs to manage his stuff better.

Oh so not happening ,I'm very territorial over personal work space and he would be under no illusion that anything on my desk that's not to do with my work will be treated as refuse and binned.

Yesterday I was at a HIIT class. The benches are quite close together and one of the exercises needed space. The man next to me had spread his billion dumbbells all around his bench so was using "my" space (they're numbered spots, each has its own mirror and equipment). I was hot and sweaty and the exercises were timed so, pissed off though I was, I just moved my bench away from him to give myself more space. He saw me do this, said "thank you" as he clearly thought I was clearing even more space for him, and then encroached further into my space. This is after he'd thrown my towel off of my dumbbells on my rack onto the floor in my space to access my heavy dumbbells (which he thought I wouldn't be using).

I heard him, stopped my exercise, pushed my bench right up to the edge of the border between his, hemming him in between me and the wall. I don't think he could believe what I did, just stood there open mouthed. He left the class early.

These men think they DESERVE more than you. It makes them feel like men. They need to be told they're little men, with little dicks, and to play in their own little playpens.

5 pages trying to get the OP to explain what is actually happening and she's not coming back is she?

Go all Johnny Castle and say ‘this is your desk space, this is my desk space’ - I uttered these same words last week only to be met with a bemused look from my 22 year old colleague.

I take being admonished in good spirits and drag my stuff back to my desk but it doesn’t change my overall chaos and I get told off frequently.

don't you think other people get fed up with having to tell you 'frequently' to move your crap out of their space?

You need to set some rules, ‘Anything that comes on to my desk… :

• Is mine;
• is binned/ blown up/ damaged/ put in jelly/ sold/ painted pink/ hit with a mallet…’

Or you set up your desk so that you have a wall of files or similar between you and him.

Why don't you respect the space of others?

I think I would do this, clearly he doesnt need it, or it would be on his desk

Or... the desk belongs to him and not the OP and she's confused - bit like the story where the person is confused about who owns the cake in the cafe...

This.
Not to be tolerated.
Document and report.
It is bullying harassment of you and an infringement of your space, designed to intimidate you.
Formalise your upset.

Arrive in a flurry? What does that mean? You arrive late or you arrive thinking it’s okay to interrupt everyone else with your chatting? Perhaps you should stop chatting when arriving and try shutting up and arriving quietly, plugging in your laptop in silence and getting yourself organised and your crap contained to your own desk. Less talk, more keeping your shit off other people’s desks.

If you don’t like confrontation then tell HR that you feel slightly bullied. I think this can be a bit of a power play and difficult to say what his reasoning is.

Alternatively, spill a coffee on it.

You must be an incredibly annoying person to work with - 'oh I'm so chaotic, I can't help it, it's just me'. Just behave yourself and get on with your work.

Of course. But the insistence this was some sort of power play, rather than just someone on a cramped desk, was why I was explaining a possible motivation.

About time you stopped being a twat then. You know you do it, you know it pisses your colleagues off and you carry on. You are your offices bug bears and your colleagues hate it. Why do you think it’s ok to do that when you’ve been asked not to? You’re not chaotic, your thoughtless and inconsiderate.

If being admonished involved an electric shock from unseen forces or something else that caused you pain or discomfort I'd be interested to see how quickly yoyr behaviour changed.

Because you view the consequences as inconsequential; I take being admonished in good spirits and drag my stuff back to my desk; your behaviour doesnt change and everyone around you has to put up with your unreasonable behaviour.

Are you quite well?! As character flaws go, being a bit messy probably ranks better than being a sociopath who talks about giving people electric shocks! It’s a bank of communal desks, it’s actually quite easy to spread out inadvertently. It really is better to live in peace and harmony than take the little things massively to heart. I could easily lose my mind at people munching crisps next to me or making loud personal phone calls, but i choose to recognise I’m a bit noise sensitive and let it go. Life is too short to get stressed all the time. Save the anger for when people are being wilfully mean or cruel.

He wouldn’t do this to another man would he!