Concerned about gay ds

Newhere78 · 2025-12-10T17:43:27+00:00

Hi, am looking for advice really i have a 22 year old ds, i have known he’s gay for a long time, I really want to support him. He has not come out to me, I think he is struggling with it, he does not have many friends to talk about it and he is very introverted I want him to know I’m here for him, unsure how I should broach the subject or if I should ask him?

Highlandgal · 10/12/2025 18:04

Perhaps he knows that you know if you see what I mean. Personally I’d just carry on treating him as usual. You could ask generally if he’s ok, but I wouldn’t specifically ask if he’s gay. If he wants to tell you and discuss it he will.

Original poster

Newhere78 · 10/12/2025 19:44

Thank you Highlandgal
I think he might know yes, I'll give him space to to tell me when he's ready

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SmoothOperatorCarlosSainz · 10/12/2025 19:58

I agree with Highlandgal. Ask him if he’s okay in general and pop in a I’m here if you need to talk about anything. I think just coming out saying something like I know you’re gay are you okay? Might not be the best. Broach with caution and a hand hold to your son. Well done OP for being supportive.

DaisyChain505 · 10/12/2025 20:06

Just make sure you’re keeping an open channel of communication.

Check in asking how he is, how his day was, how he’s feeling in general about life, maybe if he’s seeing anyone.

I wouldn’t go in with talking about sexuality, let him come to you with it.

Make an effort to do more together. Walk, cinema dates, anything he’s interested in.

Bonsaibaby · 10/12/2025 20:07

DS 21 told us when he was young, nearly all his friends are girls non binary or trans female or gay boys so I think finding like minded friends is important to feel they can be themselves. Does he have access to friends like that? Also ds has some friends who don’t want to tell their very accepting parents, sometimes kids just struggle with it but find it easier to tell their friends.

Original poster

Newhere78 · 10/12/2025 20:15

Thanks SmoothOperator
Have since spoken to him, I asked, "How have you been?" he told me "Fine"
I then told him I love him no matter what and he just blushed

Hi Bonsaibaby, thanks for message, I don't think he has friends like that, as he has few friends, due to him being quite shy

Hi DaisyChain, yes thats great advice, just asked if he'd like to go to the cinema and he said yes, defiantly feel we could do with spending more time together

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DaisyChain505 · 10/12/2025 21:14

That’s great he said yes to the cinema. The more time you’re spending together the more he’ll open up.

Original poster

Newhere78 · 10/12/2025 21:32

Definitely, look forward to spending time just the two of us, think he is too
Am going out to eat before hand, so will give us plenty of time to chat

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lljkk · 11/12/2025 07:56

In my family we would just ask.
"If this were true would you want to tell me?"
helps that I have multiple kids so can pretend the convo is about one of them.
I have actual suspicions about one of my kids... but he's not seeming unhappy about it so <shrug>

Original poster

Newhere78 · 13/12/2025 14:15

Thanks for the advice lljkk
We spent the day together yesterday, went to a restaurant, then did some clothes shopping, we had a really good time. We spoke about the TV series: "It's a sin" and I did ask him whether he'd feel coming out if he was gay. He went slightly red and said "probably" and shrugged

When we were out we bumped into one of one of my gay friends from yoga, I introduced my son and we all had a good chat. My friends a couple of years older than my son. When we got home my ds asked if he could come to yoga with me, I said yes, am thrilled tbh. Am thinking this would be great for him, getting him out his comfort zone and meeting other gay men

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DaisyChain505 · 13/12/2025 14:19

Great update @Newhere78

shellyleppard · 13/12/2025 14:21

Op maybe get a little postcard/greetings card and just say here to talk if you want to. Or give him the contact details for support groups?? Hugs to you both

Sohelpmegod25 · 13/12/2025 14:24

You sound a lovely Mum OP.
why don’t you take him out for some tea one night and just have a general chit chat see if he says anything?

BlueMum16 · 13/12/2025 14:25

Newhere78 · 13/12/2025 14:15

Thanks for the advice lljkk
We spent the day together yesterday, went to a restaurant, then did some clothes shopping, we had a really good time. We spoke about the TV series: "It's a sin" and I did ask him whether he'd feel coming out if he was gay. He went slightly red and said "probably" and shrugged

When we were out we bumped into one of one of my gay friends from yoga, I introduced my son and we all had a good chat. My friends a couple of years older than my son. When we got home my ds asked if he could come to yoga with me, I said yes, am thrilled tbh. Am thinking this would be great for him, getting him out his comfort zone and meeting other gay men

I'm not sure why the big deal of you needing him to come out?

You love him no matter what.

Make sure you're available to chat, encourage him to see friends.

Boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't really matter.

Let him be.

Original poster

Newhere78 · 07/01/2026 13:11

Thanks for the advice Sohelpmegod25
Ds has since told me he is dating a guy, saying how they met online dating and that they’re really getting along
Am really happy for him

Thanks for the support

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