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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Abortion

11 replies

ThisChirpyUser · 10/12/2025 12:11

I stated trying for children in 2019 and had 4 miscarriages i never had any test done as the first 2 i had positive tests but moscarroed really early before id been to midwife or anything. my son came in 2022 I then fell pregnant again in 2024 and lost this baby at 12 week all 3 miscarriages have been really awful with loads of blood loss and resulting in me being in hospital especially the last one where I lost too much all my stats dropped and I had blood transfusion. Fast forward 6 month fell pregnant again with my little girl who came 12 week early.(she's all OK now)
I found out I'm 6 week pregnant and the thought of going through it all again is terrifying I've always been scared of dying due to the miscarriages I have and how severe they get. I don't like the thought of termination and haven't stopped crying since. My little boy is nonverbal so needs extra attention. I don't think I would cope well with either descion as both my children need a lot of attention but I can't bare the thought of the other.

OP posts:

MatildaTheCat · 10/12/2025 12:14

These are valid fears. Talk to your GP asap and make whatever decision is right for you.

TiredofLDN · 10/12/2025 12:14

You are never unreasonable to want to have an abortion, and you don’t need to justify your decision to anyone.

For what it’s worth, in your position I think I would focus on the child who is here, and their needs and probably wouldn’t continue with the pregnancy, but that’s my personal take, and specific to my financial / life circumstances.

But it sounds like you have quite complex feelings and aren’t 100% sure what you want to do? Perhaps some abortion counseling would help?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/12/2025 12:16

OP if you would prefer to have an abortion, do so without any guilt.
Only you really know if this is the right thing for you.
As you already have a non-verbal child who takes up a lot of your resources, abortion may well be the right choice.

How much support do you get from your husband? What does he think about the prospect of a third child?

TallulahBetty · 10/12/2025 12:17

I would always prioritise the needs of my existing children.

FunMustard · 10/12/2025 12:19

I agree with @TiredofLDN and would also add - you are allowed to consider yourself in this decision!

Is abortion the "best" thing to do? Well, define best. Would it mean you can focus on the children you already have? Particularly the child who has additional needs? Would it mean you don't have to go through the stresses of another pregnancy - which has obviously been traumatic for you in the past? On a purely practical level, will it mean you have more money for your existing family?

Abortion is a complex decision between head and heart. I wish you peace with whatever you choose, but in your place, I'd probably choose termination.

magicalmadmadamim · 10/12/2025 12:20

ThisChirpyUser · 10/12/2025 12:11

Hi OP
first of all im sorry about your miscarriages, that sounds horrendous and i can completely understand why you feel they way you do.
It is ultimately your decision to make and no one can tell you what to do here, if you think you could live with a termination that is your choice, but because of your previous miscarriages you would be kept a close eye on and i would imagine they would offer regular scans and overall care if you decide to continue with the pregnancy.
How old are you and what is your support network like?

PhuckTrump · 10/12/2025 12:22

If your plate is full and you don’t think you can be a good mother to your existing children, do not feel guilty for prioritising them. In my book, that’s being a good mother to your existing children.

Sometimeswinning · 10/12/2025 12:22

I think if you have any doubt about an abortion then you don’t do it. You have time to think about this. Speak with a professional. This isn’t for mumsnet.

Poms · 10/12/2025 12:24

Only you can make the decision.

Although personally I would always put myself and any existing children first. That is a perfectly valid reason to have an abortion and it’s not something you need to justify to anyone.

FridayFriesDay · 10/12/2025 12:28

OP your post is so painful to read, you have trauma, which is not at all surprising with everything you’ve been through.

You can do whatever you want to do, it’s completely your choice. Speak to your GP and talk it through with them.

Make the right decision for you - and never hold guilt or regret, because you’re going what you need to do.

Whether you have an abortion or not, you need to speak to a Counsellor/Psychologist to process everything you’ve experienced. You need to heal from it all and you need support.

Best wishes to you x

myglowupera · 10/12/2025 13:12

Yanbu to want to have an abortion.

Just make sure you are fully aware of what to expect regarding the symptoms if you have one. I’m only saying this because you are scared of blood loss from the trauma of your miscarriages. Abortion is a very safe medical procedure , but given your past it you might need lots of support through it.

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