MIL commenting on what she has bought

[Blueowlnight]

Okay, slightly tongue in cheek as I know this is one of those irrational IRKS. But…

anytime my girls show MIL something that she has bought (e.g. toys, a drawing with crayons she bought, clothes etc.), her initial (and only) response is “Oh yes! I bought you that”. Always. Everytime!

Egrh, why is this so annoying?! I think I know I am being unreasonable… but why is this such an irk?!

YABU but I understand. My late MIL would buy us a gift for the house, say a large bowl for the table and then every single time, without fail, comment on it when she entered the room. ‘oh, that does look marvellous!’ There are many other examples.

Just grit your teeth 😬

It’s a sign of insecurity, “please love me, I give you lots of items”. Low self esteem. She can probably pick up on your dislike of her and wants you to know that she cares about you/grandchildren and is buying items (her form of showing love).

Do it back.

Whenever she sits down to eat, comment with ‘I bought these forks! And the knives! Oooo, and these plates!’

Echo it. Point out repeatedly “dd is wearing that skirt you bought, doesn’t it suit her nicely?” … “these are such lovely quality crayons, I think it makes such a difference you invested in these.”… “they love playing with this toy - whenever did you get it? I was wondering about giving it to a friend for their child’s birthday, it’s got such a lot of life in it.”

I find if you gush back, you head off the insecurity and show appreciation and gratitude goes a long way.

It doesn’t have to be disingenuous - just take the time to notice how much joy she brings to her dgc

For heaven’s sake … The poor woman gives things as an opening to conversation and closeness. Not primarily because she wants to be praised but so there’ll be a point of conversation that might broaden out into other subjects.

Is it so hard to be a little gracious, agree that the gift was an excellent choice, and spend a few minutes talking about how it’s being used?

Awful to think the children will observe this dismissive attitude and learn to despise their grandmother …

(No wonder there are so many We don’t have any family to help out or share our children’s lives threads …)

I agree with this 100% - she's probably picking up unfriendly vibes from you.

Just out of curiosity - when was the last time you treated your MIL to lunch/afternoon tea?

MIL might find her relationships improve if she responds to being shown a drawing with " What a beautiful flower, aren't you a good artist/careful when colouring inside the libes" etc etc. People can be very odd.

I bet she’s just pleased to see her gifts were being used, that she’d chosen something they liked. Maybe just noting that she contributed to their fun. She’s just not filtering that into, “I’m glad you liked your crayons.” Although even that every time would be annoying

Hmm maybe it’s my own insecurity that I do not buy them enough, and also that my side of the family have a lot less money and so don’t buy as much. We are a low-consumption household, they have everything they need and want but we don’t buy constantly. So maybe that’s it

She's probably just pleased to see the things she bought being appreciated and is self congratulating out load. It's a harmless quirk in the scheme of things. We all have them, and no doubt the day will come when your DC and in laws will be madly irritated by some of yours. If she's a good woman in general the trick is to focus on her positives and not her imperfections.

A wish to prompt conversation and engagement with her DIL and grandchildren is hardly an imperfection!

My mother used to ‘forget’ to take prices off birthday/ Christmas presents. Everyone of them, every year. Strangely so too did Santa Claus at Christmas, though clearly that is purely a coincidence…