Help me make over my weekends for 2026

[ElfinsMum]

My weekends are boring as bat poo. My week days aren't a barrel of laughs either tbf but i kind of just expect that as a working parent!

Reasons my weekends are pants:

1. We have 3 kids from 14 down to 5 and no family support.
2. About 2-3 years ago i ran out of time and energy for maintaining close friendships. I am lonely.
3. We do all of our own cleaning. I do about 80% of it. All of that is at the weekend.
4. Each of the older 2 does 3 sports. They have matches nearly every weekend. DH and i spend about half a day each per weekend driving them around. Chatting with the other parents on the side lines ranges from quite nice to polite purgatory.
5. I do 5+ loads of laundry every weekend. Normal clothes, sports clothes, bedding. Seriously, is this normal?? Is every mother in the Western World doing this every weekend? Oh and no dryer. Nice climate though.
6. The younger 2 kids bicker a lot. I can't stand it. They love it and each other, it's sport for them.
7. I do a full supermarket shop every weekend because we shop in Aldi to save money. Often i drive to a sports pitch somewhere, watch a bit then take the youngest off to the nearest Aldi, do weekly shop and head back for pick up.
8. We are trying to cut out UPFs where possible. Every weekend i make at least one loaf in the breadmaker, bake a cake for the week. Sometimes something for us to heat up during the week e.g. soup.
9. We have a family feast tradition on a Saturday night. I cook usually a roast and a pudding.

10. DH has a hobby that takes up one long afternoon every weekend in summer. 11. I have a hobby that i take the youngest and me to do for half a day per weekend. However, since having kids i lead the activity for the kids. So basically a responsible part time volunteer job on top of my real job. 12. We have one combined kitchen living room. The two younger kids watch quite a lot of TV on weekend afternoons which i am sick of hearing tbh. I wish Steve Backshall the safest of travels but if he could just take his melodrama somewhere other than my living room i'd be so grateful.

Sorry that was long. In summary, it is getting me down that i work outside the home all week and then work inside the home all weekend. I feel more like a facilitator than a person with my own life. I basically never get to choose how i spend any time.

How do others organise their weekends better?

Get a cleaner!
And yes we do a big tidy the night before, we are fairly messy too but half an hour seems to be enough if everyone is helping. If my 2 year old can put his duplo away your teens can tidy too! Maybe TV should be only for when the chores are done?

That does sound like a lot of washing too, I reckon one load per person per week, plus one for the household. So for the 4 of us that's 5 a week? Should be 6-7 for you? Does all the bedding need to be done every week? I only do mine every 2-3 weeks and the kids maybe 3-4 or when there's an accident.

Also online shopping! I think a lot of supermarkets price match Aldi now, eg Texco, and their late slots can be pretty cheap like £1-2.

I am doing 2 beds per weekend. I.e. each bed every 2 weeks. Is that a lot?

It's half as often as my own mum used to do it. Or we had to do it ourselves at my boarding school.

My absolute best parenting decision was getting DC to strip their own beds from tiny. At 5yo they'd strip bedding and load it into the washing machine every Monday morning. Remake before bedtime. Two sets of sheets so it doesn't matter if the first aren't dry. They'd need help initially but not by 9/10yo and it means I've never had to handle teenage boys' bedding!

I've also "invested" time in training them properly. So both boys, from about 12yo, had detailed step by step bathroom cleaning instructions saved on their phones, and could be sent to do the clean without supervision.

Personally I've found a system where they do their bit when asked works better than setting regular chores, otherwise you give yourself the extra hassle of chasing up the chores!

Step back from leading the activity. You've done your bit and you are tired, frazzled and need some time.

Book the shopping online. Maybe it will cost a little more but it gives you back 1.5hours of your life.

Yes a cleaner results in hideous tidying the night before but it does force you to do it and saves the X hours you'd have spent cleaning after you did the tidying. I hate having the cleaner on Monday morning as it ruins my Sunday evening tidying but better that than losing all day Sunday tidying AND cleaning.
Make the kids do their own laundry, that should encourage them to not put clean things in the basket (all teens seem to do this!) Washing bedding once a fortnight is a small price to pay for more downtime.
No one puts on the TV until living room is tidy and they can absolutely pick shit up themsleves.. what did their last slave die of?
Make the kids wear headphones to watch noisy damned TV downstairs or put a TV elsewhere for them. I am noise sensitive so noisy kids TV in an open plan area is 100% just not possible for me.
Really though it's about priorities and you need to prioritse your Economist reading.

I would cut the 3 sports down to 2 if you can

or give them the option - help with housework and laundry or we need to cut down to 2
plus the extra saved cash could go towards online food shopping

we are messy

I think a lot of your problems stem from this. Why so messy and how to improve it?

I’m a massive believer in doing things as I go along which results in a tidy house. Have you tried a box for each person to dump their mess in and then be responsible for putting their own stuff away if they won’t do it as they go along?

Then get the cleaner, book the food shop, drop the volunteering and look at how to first the French and piano in. Everyone else in your house has hobbies that you facilitate so now it’s time to facilitate yourself.

If that’s the case, you have too much stuff. Set aside a weekend for a massive decluttering.

Why are your children not stripping their own beds?

I tidy before the cleaner comes so she can actually clean, but if you dont you either pay the cleaner for longer so they have time to tidy, or accept they clean less.

Or - everyone else cleans - or their stuff goes in a box or binbag - or have less stuff / have it better organised?

Also - where is the give? Do you have the cash to perhaps buy a non-UPF loaf and sub in pitta bread or something else non-UPF? Maybe every other week? Takeaway family feast? Get the kids to do something?
Replace Steve Backshall with a programme or podcast in French?
Dont launder stuff so often (perhaps except pants socks and sports kit)

And yes to a long bath with The Economist.

(Disclaimer - i am a martyr in recovery).

Your time has a value!

On that basis, online shop rather than using up time at Aldi.

Your children are old enough to do chores.

I once bagged up the crap DS and DH left around. It changed their behaviour when the magic fairy stopped putting their stuff away.

@Twilightstarbright Yes exactly. I fear i am raising a boy who believes in the magic fairy. I realise that is a cardinal sin on mumsnet.

I definitely grew up with a magic fairy mum and so did my DH.

I do sometimes drop all the crap in the living room that shouldn't be there into a laundry basket and tell them all that it's going in thr bin if it's still there by dinner time.

I don't think my issue is so much the volume of chores. And i don't do all of it. DH does quite a bit, 14 year old some, 11 year old a bit. But none of them think about any of this for a second. No one else in this house wakes up on Saturday morning thinking "Right, if i do this then this then this then i can take a to b, pick up c on the way" and on and on. Even DH it's more like "do x because Elfin asked me to" then later "go and buy y for some project".

14 and 12 year olds should be doing more of the chore load. They can do laundry and fold and put away. They should be learning cooking skills and helping clean. They should be doing dishes or loading the dishwasher and putting away the dishes. Your 6 year old should have basic chores too.

As for the bread, premix your dry bread ingredients, leave out the yeast and put that in a container. When you're ready to use your machine, put in your wet ingredients, then dump in your mix, and put your yeast on top. Label the mixes, like rye, wheat, whatever you make.

Take a long bath every week. Candle, wine and book if that's your thing, lock the door, 1h no interruptions.

Go for a coffee with your economist once a week. Be that an evening, lunch break or weekend. Go, enjoy it.

I'd also recommend something active once a week, like a gym class.

That's 3h total but makes a world of difference.

And maybe have 5-10 min each evening when the whole family does a quick household tidy. Surfaces clear, cushions plumped, rubbish out, quick dust. Put music on if you want.

@ElfinsMum I completely hear you!

I am trying to unmartyr myself and focus on what matters most- some things I used to tie myself up in knots about DH quite rightly pointed out no one cared about and I didn’t care, I just felt I ought to.

It’s a WIP as it’s so tempting to do it myself rather than watch DS take 5x as long but I remind myself he’ll never learn if I always do his laundry/make breakfast.