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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to have given unwanted advice

125 replies

GarageRoofLeak · 10/12/2025 08:59

My sibling has decided to go self employed in order to get off benefits. The job requires a lot of up front expenditure and many further expenses which they have been told they can claim as business expenses for the purposes of tax. However, they seem to think that claiming expenses means they will be refunded the full amount by HMRC. I have tried several times to explain that this is not what happens. They have budgeted as though they will be getting all this money back and already made some fairly big business purchases.
When I broached the subject they became very hostile, claimed I was trying to sabotage their job (by explaining how tax and expenses work) and has now blocked all contact with me.
Was I unreasonable to give them factual information about tax? They insisted I was “lying”. Funnily enough, after a bit of googling, I can see that many people do seem to believe they get their expenses paid back in full, if self employed. Is anyone actually in self-employment and receiving reimbursement for business expenses rather than a reduction in tax?!
Was I unreasonable to explain tax to them when they didn’t ask for my advice?

OP posts:
Haveyounotnoticed · 10/12/2025 09:01

Doesn’t matter either way

sibling won’t take a blind bit of notice 🤷‍♀️

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 10/12/2025 09:02

Have a cushion ready.
For when they fall on their arse...

PollyBell · 10/12/2025 09:03

They wont listen so it doesn't matter either way

BillieWiper · 10/12/2025 09:03

Well he's clearly a total mug and his business will be an abject failure. You tried.

Haveyounotnoticed · 10/12/2025 09:04

I imagine expenses will be minimal
and they’ll soon learn for themselves when HMRC doesn’t repay in full!

Namechangerage · 10/12/2025 09:06

Stupid is as stupid does… your sibling sounds like a dick.

GarageRoofLeak · 10/12/2025 09:08

Haveyounotnoticed · 10/12/2025 09:01

Doesn’t matter either way

sibling won’t take a blind bit of notice 🤷‍♀️

Sadly true, but I did suggest they speak to an accountant. Apparently a business adviser told them they could get all this money reimbursed, therefore I was lying.

OP posts:
TheTaupeScroller · 10/12/2025 09:09

It would be mean of you to be quiet. You have told them, you've done your best, prepare your reasons for being financially unable to help out when they fall on their arse.

tanstaafl · 10/12/2025 09:20

Is it a bonafide business or an MLM?

GarageRoofLeak · 10/12/2025 09:23

Haveyounotnoticed · 10/12/2025 09:04

I imagine expenses will be minimal
and they’ll soon learn for themselves when HMRC doesn’t repay in full!

That’s the problem though, the expenses are not minimal. I’d guesstimate at least 30% of their potential earnings will be eaten up by expenses. It’s not a popular job, for this reason. It is a job they can do, but with a lot of budgeting. Hopefully it will work out but there’ll be little profit and I suspect they will have to avail of UCredit to stay afloat. The whole point of them going into this business was to come off benefits.

OP posts:
GarageRoofLeak · 10/12/2025 09:24

tanstaafl · 10/12/2025 09:20

Is it a bonafide business or an MLM?

Bonafide business, but only financially viable by working very long hours.

OP posts:
AgDulAmach · 10/12/2025 09:24

You did the right thing. Can you bear to stand by and put them back together when it blows up in their face? You don't have to - you can take them at face value and accept being cut off, no matter what happens. It's so frustrating when you try to save someone from obvious danger and they won't listen.

GarageRoofLeak · 10/12/2025 09:31

AgDulAmach · 10/12/2025 09:24

You did the right thing. Can you bear to stand by and put them back together when it blows up in their face? You don't have to - you can take them at face value and accept being cut off, no matter what happens. It's so frustrating when you try to save someone from obvious danger and they won't listen.

It wouldn’t be the first time. However, they threw some nasty accusations at me regarding my motives for telling them facts of tax, and pretty firm on calling me a liar.

OP posts:
myhaggisblewup · 10/12/2025 09:34

Everyone makes mistakes the trick is to learn from the experience so you don't do it again.
Be there for your sibling but fgs don't get involved with bailing out financially, there are other ways to support.
They either misunderstood the business advisor or the advisor is talking shit after taking an 3 hour online course and they think they are now 'qualified'.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 10/12/2025 09:34

GarageRoofLeak · 10/12/2025 09:31

It wouldn’t be the first time. However, they threw some nasty accusations at me regarding my motives for telling them facts of tax, and pretty firm on calling me a liar.

Then I'd be stockpiling 🍿 ready to watch it all unravel.

Tdcp · 10/12/2025 09:49

I'm a big believer in "if you won't hear you will feel". You've done your bit and they don't want to hear you, now you can sit back and relax while they prove you right.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 10/12/2025 09:55

Imagine the calls to hmrc...
Give me my money!!
Yes sir I'll have that sent over immediately....

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/12/2025 10:02

I’m guessing from the way you write that there’s a reasonably long back story of not particularly getting on with your sibling; that, combined with having been told by a business advisor that they can claim their expenses back isn’t going to endear your advice to the contrary to them. There’s never any point arguing over things like this - easier to just tell them to check with their UC work coach.

Divebar2021 · 10/12/2025 10:08

i mean this is a scene from Schitts Creek. Send him this 😀

It doesn’t bode very well for the success of the business does it if he doesn’t even have the nous to ask ChatGPT ( if he can’t work it out anywhere else).

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCP27_vquxQ

Greysowhat · 10/12/2025 10:53

Everyone assuming the sibling is male! 😅

TheMorgenmuffel · 10/12/2025 11:21

You tried.
Now you can do nothing but sit back and wait.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/12/2025 11:23

BillieWiper · 10/12/2025 09:03

Well he's clearly a total mug and his business will be an abject failure. You tried.

He?

BillieWiper · 10/12/2025 11:41

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/12/2025 11:23

He?

Sorry DK why I thought male.

UrbanFan · 10/12/2025 11:44

Just leave them to it. If they are grown ups let them manage their own affairs.

GarageRoofLeak · 10/12/2025 12:25

Divebar2021 · 10/12/2025 10:08

i mean this is a scene from Schitts Creek. Send him this 😀

It doesn’t bode very well for the success of the business does it if he doesn’t even have the nous to ask ChatGPT ( if he can’t work it out anywhere else).

Ha! Yes. Except I can’t send it as have been blocked!

OP posts: