Urgent question: Is there any chance the hospital might do a phone appointment instead?

[SpidersAreShitheads]

DM has had some health problems recently and she’s due to have her first appt at the hospital today with the gynaecologist. It’s about 14 miles away and I’m the only one who can take her. I also handle all of her healthcare.

The difficulty is I have a migraine starting and have just been throwing up. Ideally I wouldn’t be driving today.

For the full picture: two weeks ago DM had vaginal bleeding. Raised CA 125. GP thought it was definitely cancer. DM was referred and had a transvaginal USS and they said it was all clear, bar one small polyp. USS said it was probably the polyp that had bled ( DM is on blood thinners).

DM is adamant no more investigations. She won’t even consider a hysteroscopy. The initial attempted exam from the GP and then the USS caused her to bleed heavily for two weeks. The bleeding has now stopped.

DM is 78 and in poor health. Cerebral palsy, diabetic, atrial fibrillation, lung issues, and dementia (relatively early stages). GP told us if it was cancer they wouldn’t do any radical treatment anyway due to DM’s health.

As DM won’t agree to any investigations today anyway, do you think there’s any chance the hospital might agree to do a phone appt instead? Would save me driving when I feel really awful and I’m slightly worried about throwing up while I’m there. DM has to hold onto me to walk and stand do I can’t quickly run to the toilet if needed!

Has anyone been in similar circumstances? Sorry for long post but wanted to give the full picture.

YABU: you’ll have to just go
YANBU: call them and ask

There is no harm at all in calling to ask.

There would be very very little achieved via a phone call in this scenario

I would call and ask. What an awful situation.

Tbh if she’s refusing input is there really any point in knowing what’s going on? Can’t you just discuss with her own GP how she could be kept comfortable if symptoms persist as she is not in good health anyway?

I'm sorry I know migraines are horrible. Can you get a taxi to take you both?

Book a taxi.

Call and ask but I think you've no hope.

Taxi for you both? I couldn't drive either.

You’re ill. It’s a simple as that. You cannot deal with someone else when you can’t even stand up yourself it’s a phone call or nothing. Your DM’s arm could be hanging off by a thread, but you still couldn’t deal with it.

She wouldn’t get in a taxi. She’d just cancel the appointment. DM lives with me.

Aside from that, I need to be able to get us back sharpish if needed. I’ve got DC who are disabled and need support with everything (autistic, 16, still in nappies - very high needs), and my DP collapsed with a neurological condition three years ago. If an attack starts to come on for him, I’d need to get back asap. We’re rural so taxis etc aren’t easy to come by and it can be hours to get one.

It’s a bit of a shit situation with everything on me but it is what it is.

If you can't take her because of a migraine, then that's that. It's not your fault.

Call the department and ask, it is more likely they will rearrange.
Why would your DM refuse to get in a taxi? That is putting too much pressure on you when you have enough on your plate. When you are feeling better, see if you can encourage her to consider taxis in future.

Do you have any medication you can take?

This, really.

I can’t see that there’s much benefit going if she doesn’t want investigations and her existing health limits treatment options.

I don’t think most hospitals would be flexible enough to change to a telephone appointment so I’d probably get a taxi, but with very low expectations.

I hope the migraine passes.

I think the consultant is just going to discuss future care? She doesn’t know DM won’t consent to further investigations yet.

I’m just thinking anything that could be achieved in person could be achieved over the phone too? Most of her GP appointments are done over the phone so I thought the hospital might agree?

There’s absolutely zero chance she’ll change her mind.

The only time she’ll consent to leaving the house is if I take her anywhere, and even then she refuses most of the time unless it’s absolutely essential.

There are practical difficulties - her cerebral palsy means it’s harder to get in/out some types of car. She’s also prone to wetting herself without realising so doesn’t want to risk a taxi.

Aah fucks sake.

I’ve taken some meds. Fingers crossed they kick in.

I’m just bloody exhausted tbh.

Thank you everyone.

I think you need to put down your screen, make the call, and then rest up. Being on mumsnet is not going to help ward off the migraine

Don’t run yourself into the ground for this OP. I’m surprised at the taxi suggestions - nauseous with a migraine to do a journey like that both ways with a medical appointment in between. No way.

It’s just not possible today. Call the department to explain, see if they can offer a phone appointment and if not, rearrange. It really is as simple as that. Hope you feel better soon.

What happened Op? Did hospital reschedule?

Aah, thanks for asking.

I rang the hospital for an hour straight but no one picked up.

Luckily the meds kicked in and I left 15 minutes later than planned so they had more time to work. I think getting them in me so quickly with some caffeine helped hold things off. I also drove there with the window open so lots of fresh air!

My period started about a day or so later so that explains the migraine. Bastard hormones!

I still felt grotty and ideally I would have lounged at home on the sofa. However, the migraine just threatened and never erupted soI felt safe enough to drive, and that was the main thing.

With hindsight, I think part of the throwing up was also anxiety - I think the anxious vomiting was making the migraine feel like it was going to be a really big attack. I really, really hate hospitals, I’m autistic, and the speed which DM’s health is going downhill - well, I’m finding it just really hard.

The consultant was absolutely lovely and it was a really useful appointment- but nothing that couldn’t have been done on the phone. Our GP tries to do the bulk of appointments on the phone (their preference for all patients) so that’s why I hoped the hospital might have been able to accommodate the request.