To buy my friend an Ancestry kit?

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I have a friend who never knew her father. We have spoken about it the odd time; she doesn't seem very perturbed about it but has expressed that, in the past, she tried to find him through old fashioned means (ads in the paper etc) when she was a teenager. I suggested she did a dna test like ancestry, and explained how it worked and that she could potentially find siblings etc. She seemed really excited and asked me to send her the details, which I did. She never did it. I wanted to get her a really special gift for Christmas as she is so lovely and I thought about buy her a voucher or kit. But then my instinct is saying that it's really crossing a line and the ball should be in her court. I think I have a 'Surprise Surprise' moment in my mind but it's an awful idea, isnt it?

For the sake of the poll; wibu to purchase this kit for my friend?

Of course YABU, if she had the details and didn't do it she doesn't want to fir whatever reason.

Unanimous yabu. I thought so!

I bought one for a friend whose parent had died when they were young and they were interested in finding out family history on that side of the family.

It was a surprise gift that they appreciated.

They have had some country origin connections confirmed rather than continuing to be family folklore.

I had imagined a happy outcome like this but things could also go very wrong. Im not going to do it.

You’ve given her the info and she has chosen not to pursue it. She’ll have her reasons. Don’t push it.

I don’t think it’s appropriate given you’ve already told her about it and she has decided not to get the kit, so going ahead and buying her one isn’t the right thing to do.

I got one along with an aunt and it opened a Pandora’s box so be aware of that.

I did one.
My grandad didn't know his dad and his mum was adopted.
Although I have links of first cousins we can't pinpoint the link so it doesn't always work! Luckily I didn't need that kind of closure and was just a bit of fun

Little to ‘ the gift’ on BBC sounds , 2 series and each episode reveals an absolute can of worms to people who were gifted these kits. You friend may well of heard these and decided to stay well clear.

I get where you're coming from, but I wouldn't.

Apart from anything else, there is a huge difference between finding someone with an ad in the paper (which requires them to respond, and therefore to have at least some interest in being in contact) and finding them via Ancestry, which doesn't necessarily indicate they want to be found (the father might not be the relative on ancestry himself, and might well not want to know). I can imagine wanting the first kind of 'discovery' but not being prepared to chance the second.

That’s a really lovely thought. I’d just ask her first and give her an out by suggesting an alternative gift or experience.

My Dad is very interested in his family tree so I got him one, which told him he was almost entirely from the corner of England he thought he was. It seems his family had never moved very far at all. He was very pleased with the gift and interested in the info.

As parents are so hard to buy for and this had gone down well, I got one for my mum. She has never used it. I'm wondering if she's worried she might find out something she doesn't want to know. Or maybe she's just not very interested.

Absolutely not. I uncovered a skeleton in the family closet via an ancestry dna test. Fortunately anyone who could have been hurt had died. You can never be sure of what you will find when you research your family tree, but dna adds an extra level of uncertainty.