To be irritated by claims it’s ‘more expensive for two’?

[Whyst]

I have a friend of many years but over the past year or so she has only wanted to sit in her house with a glass of wine if we meet up, with her wife, rather than go out together as we used to do.

I like her wife a lot and enjoy her company, so I have no real issues with her being there, even if I would prefer to just see my friend every now and then.

I also enjoy a glass of wine in the house now and then, but every time I invite my friend to go out, she manages to change it to just going to hers. I put my foot down for Christmas and said I wanted to go out with her for a change, and that the group of us weren’t changing our plans to go and sit at hers. She always replies to say that her wife would want to come and ‘it’s too expensive for two’. If she was skint I’d understand, but I know she isn’t. She says that they’ll end up spending a fortune and I don’t understand because there is only one of me. But I live alone and pay all my bills alone. So it is not more expensive for two. They are using two wages to pay for two people.

Yanbu, shes a lazy married shite 😄

Thats what the marriage does to you

Well, its also what being single does to you, but thats neither here nor there xx

But maybe she has different priorities to you.

You prefer to spend money on restaurants and bars. Your friend perhaps prefers to overpay her mortgage or pay into her pension. Perhaps she has debt. Perhaps she is a victim of coercive control. Perhaps she or her partner have agrophobia or anxiety.

There are lots of possibilities. Invite her along but accept it if she doesn't want to join you in going out.

I’ve got a friend like this too. I think she forgets that if you’re single you may have to pay less but you’re paying for it all with one income. And two people rarely means double the expenses, although I would say on a night out it mostly does.

That’s fine if she’s happy to left her friendships go. But you can’t maintain a friendship and never see them unless they’re willing to go and sit in your house with your wife.

And regardless of her reasoning you can’t constantly be changing plans to suit just her. The world doesn’t revolve around one person

It categorically is more expensive to live as a single person.

Indeed. I’ve tried to point out before that they’re halving their bills but she refuses to get it.

Yanbu

They are choosing for the wife to come. Does anyone else bring a partner?

I'd stick to the plans and start declining invites to go round hers instead of going out if she tried to change things and you would prefer to be out.

Today I learned I’m a lazy married shite and didn’t even know it…

Whenever there’s any kind of event or activity DH and I are:

1. Definitely not going if only one of us is invited
2. Probably not going regardless.

I don’t even know when it started, I think we’ve always been this way. We don’t have loads of friends or close family to disappoint though so it’s not really an issue.

A nice dog walk, candlelit dinner, catch up on the day, maybe a tv series on the sofa and an early night in is always too tempting. I am officially the most boring person ever.

Nowt wrong with that, not everyone has to be super sociable. The issue is that op’s friend wants everyone else to change their plans because she can’t be arsed going out

Oh of course, that’s why I mentioned not having anyone to disappoint. Sorry if that came off wrong.

Why can you each not go out without the other one?

Do you think she won't come out alone BECAUSE her wife would want to come? Just because her partner is a woman doesn't automatically make it ok to tag along but, if this is the case, maybe your friend would prefer to come alone but doesn't get that choice?

My husband would hate to be the only man there so wouldnt even think of coming, your friend's situation is very different in that it would still be a "girls night out".

Could her wife be a bit controlling?

I don't think she's that fussed about spending time with you OP. She's happy at home with her wife. If you come over she'll talk to you but you're not a priority so she's not going to get dressed up and spend money to see you. You need to decide if you're happy with that or not because she won't change.

😄😄 it sounds nice and you might as well enjoy it

As much as i love being single, I do hear it's tough on the apps 😄😄

She's not going to change. The expense thing is just an excuse for which she has no argument for when you point out that you manage on one income only.

I wouldn't waste any more time trying to get her to go out. But I wouldn't go to hers anymore either. And furthermore I wouldn't like it if the wife has to be included in all her social plans either. That's another cop out.

Obviously we can do, I go out to work every day, we just generally choose not to go to optional things alone.

We’re both pretty introverted, it’s not something that we decided on or anything. He’s my favourite person to spend time with so hanging out with him at home is just preferable to other plans. We’ve been together most of our lives and probably too comfortable!

Maybe but she comes anyway. My friend seems to think it’s fine because she’s a woman. But it’s the ‘it’s more expensive for us’ that annoys me.

If she didn’t want to see me she’d let us go out in peace instead of insisting the plans change to us going to hers.

I truly think she believes that they’re in a worse position because it costs them ‘double’.

YANBU.
I'd tell her we'd miss her and still go out. I'd be happy to go over in addition, but not instead of.

Has she never heard the phrase 'two can live as cheap as one'.

It sounds like she is making excuses because her wife doesn't like her going out.

Well, if there’s a group of you, you go with the majority. So “sorry Jane, but the rest of us are in agreement we’d prefer dinner out. Are you joining us or giving it a miss this time?”