Do you know anyone who was left while pregnant?

[Attalop]

Just that really. Several years ago I was in a relationship, relatively new, and fell pregnant. He couldn’t cope (he wasn’t young either so no excuses there) and to cut a long story short I didn’t see him until our child was almost two. He’s been in his life ever since and DS is now 7.

I really struggle with what happened even after all these years. I’ve had therapy. I am ok. But often it hits me what he actually did to me in doing what he did. I had to give birth on my own, come home with our DS alone, work out parenting entirely alone and do every wake up and every nappy. I have dated since but what he did to me broke my spirit in a way. I don’t think I would ever trust anyone fully again. I’m 44 so don’t expect to meet anyone anytime soon especially with a young child.

I suppose i’m asking if anyone has any more positive futures that they know of to give me a bit of hope. As I say I am ok day to day but I feel so much was stolen from me in what he did, even silly things like there’s barely any photos of me with DS as a newborn. I don’t want to sound like a victim but I suppose the entire experience feels like I was bruised completely in almost every sense.

Also there’s the fact that I was so physically vulnerable, the fact someone could have left me like that and risked our baby’s health in the process. It just blows my mind even now.

A friend of mine became pregnant, and her partner left her when she was around 3 months pregnant because 'he couldn't cope'. He came back when she was 6 months pregnant and then promptly left her again when she was 8 months. He did turn up for his son's birth and saw him a couple of times afterwards. Her son is now 25 years old, his Dad saw him last at 3 months old. My friend met someone else not longer after her son's birth, she went on to marry him and have 2 further children with him. Don't allow your ex to have so much power over you, that it stops you from dating again. Yes, some men are utterly shit. I wouldn't blame you for never forgiving your ex for the way he treated you but not all men are spineless like him or my friend's ex.

Me!

Left when I was about 5 months gone. Never came back. That was 7 years ago. Blocked me on everything, I don't know where he is, other than he had another woman.
His family are all in various other countries and I don't know where they are to talk to.

I know someone who was widowed during her pregnancy. That has to be the ultimate leaving...(the DH was to all intents fit and healthy, but the post mortem revealed an undiagnosed heart defect).

Yes I know three people this happened to.
First one, a good friend, found out she was pregnant just after the split - her boyfriend had met someone else. She had the baby and he did, somewhat begrudgingly play a role in the lad's life. She was quite young at the time and still lived with her mum who was (and still is) a massive support. Later married and had 2 more kids with someone else.

Another friend, her partner left suddenly when she was 5m pregnant with their second child. She was totally blindsided, he came up with some guff about "growing apart". He was seeing someone else and had got engaged, though it didn't last long. He has been around for the boys when it suits him, he's a fun dad but quite a selfish person. She was devastated and thought she'd never trust anyone again but she got married this year to a great bloke (they both have teen/grown up kids).

Then workmates daughter. 7 months pregnant, 2nd child, when her H left her for one of the nursery staff. She was in a bad way and needed a lot of mental health support but she and the kids ended up doing great.

I see exactly what you mean about feeling so hurt about being abandoned and alone at such a vulnerable time.

Yes, my mum. My dad walked out on her and my (then) 2 year old brother when she was 6 months pregnant with me. He was there for a bit when I was a baby but really wasn’t around much and my Nan and Grandad were just incredible at rallying around my Mum - I don’t know what she’d have done without them. It majorly affected any relationship I had with him and I’m now NC, as is my brother.

it was hard - my mum struggled raising a toddler and a baby alone but she’s so grateful he left when he did and didn’t just keep stringing their marriage along.

My STBXH left me four days before DC2 was born. We'd been together for 20+ years and married for 10+ years at that point. DC2 wasn't a surprise or anything like that, either...but the result of 2 years of IVF and nearly 6 years of fertility treatment.
He'd had an affair with his colleague for several months prior and decided to walk out because he "wasn't happy". He's seen DC2 last time about a year ago. She's now 18 months.
He can fuck right off, for all I care. If DC1 wasn't so desperate to keep seeing him, I'd have gone non-contact ages ago.

My dad left my mum when she was 3 months pregnant with me, following a miscarriage that he'd also left her after and then begged her to come back and try for a baby again. He went off to shag around and get high, then ended up running off with my mum's best mate to the other end of the country. Proper EastEnders stuff.

It definitely hurt her deeply, but we are very close and I love her to pieces. I'd say she rushed into another relationship which hasn't been fulfilling for her - she lost more of.herself in that, than through what my dad did I think.

Yes, me. My exh left me with a 21 month old when I was 8 months pregnant. DC2 was born two weeks later. My mum was at the birth. He went abroad with another woman and didn’t get in touch while he was away so missed everything.

He married again a couple of years later and had two more children. He saw ‘my’ DC a few times a year until Covid then they didn’t really see each other again. Both my DC think he’s a waste of space.

I had a partner for a while but l’m single again now and never happier. My DC are happy, successful, well rounded, well mannered lovely adults and they genuinely make me proud every day.

The light is already at the end of the tunnel OP, you just have to look for it ☺️

Yes my ex left when I was pregnant I don’t think it’s that unusual

My dad left my mum while she was pregnant with my brother. She later remarried and had more children and (so far but no reason to think it'll change) they lived happily ever after.

In my experience it happens a lot, I am friends with and related to several women it's happened to.

I know one. She was on bed rest for a very complicated pregnancy. He was in the next room fucking the nanny they hired to care for their toddler.

I suppose technically she is the one who left, but given the egregious cheating, I think it counts.

A (male) teacher at my school left his long term GF midway through her pregnancy and found a new GF incredibly fast.
he had zero interest in his ex or his child but happily took the 2-weeks paternity leave he was entitled to.
he had some nice days out and “time for himself”

I really struggled to be civil to him after that tbh and was pleased that he left for a new school at the end of that year.
Sorry you went through this Op and I hope you meet somebody who restores your faith!

First off, I'm so sorry. My story is a little different, in that I didn't find out till much later, but my ex OH started cheating online during my first pregnancy and offline when our son was a baby. The cheating continued for years before I found out. The crazy thing is he was genuinely a model father - DS1 was a very difficult baby and I don't think I'd have got through it without OH. I thought I was so lucky 😂

I know that doesn't help really, just that its total rational to feel let down and to struggle with trust.

It's absolutely no wonder you feel wrecked by that - you say you 'don't want to sound like a victim': well, you don't, you sound very strong, but bloody hell, you're entitled to sound however you like after that.

I do know someone in this situation. The man decided pretty early on he didn't want a baby and couldn't be involved, then messed her around for several years. I remember his poor daughter aged about three or four, absolutely floored by the fact daddy had disappeared again and didn't want her. There are very few people in this world I would really, really, really like to punch, but he is one of them.

My friend is a wonderful parent and a wonderful person, but I think it was a deeply cruel and shit thing to do and I am so angry that she's had to be so wonderful to make up for his cruelty to his child, while coping with her own wounds. It's horrible.