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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Planning a surprise birthday party and got accused of an affair

4 replies

Plummeri · 09/12/2025 17:42

I’m just very shocked by what my husband has accused me of. We have a very solid relationship. His lack of trust has knocked me for six.

Ive been planning a surprise birthday party abroad with 10 of our closest friends. Im really trying to make my husband’s 50th special. I think ive been very good at keeping it secret bar the odd phone call.

I guess I have been on my phone a bit more. Talking to my sister a lot more on the phone (tend to go to bedroom to keep it secret) as she is helping me out.

Dh straight up asked why I was acting weird and if I was having an affair. I have never been unfaithful in my life. Dh knows that. I’ve not been at all tempted. It’s just not my nature.

I obviously told Dh what I’ve been doing. But I’m hurt tbh. I thought we had an extremely trusting relationship

Just want to cancel the whole thing now

OP posts:
YodasHairyButt · 09/12/2025 17:43

I hope he was embarrassed and apologised.

Luxio · 09/12/2025 17:45

Why are you surprised? I'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot and he was suddenly being very sneaky, secretive and on his phone more often you would have suspicions something was amiss too?

Having a solid relationship doesn't stop some partners from having affairs. If you've been acting like this for a while it's obviously raised his suspicions and I don't think it was unreasonable to ask what was going on.

BeaRightThere · 09/12/2025 17:46

Apologies OP but this is a little funny. Your behaviour is exactly the kind of stuff that is used on here as definitive proof that a man is having an affair.

I'm sure it hurts but no doubt he feels very bad about it now. Hopefully you will see the funny side. I wouldn't cancel the party over this.

TheatricalLife · 09/12/2025 17:51

I'd just laugh about it!
You admit you were acting unusually and sneaking around/being secretive with your phone. It's not a strange leap for him to be worried. It doesn't mean you have a crap relationship or anything like that -he even straight out asked you rather than trying to catch you out.
It's a shame the surprise has been ruined but I'm sure you'll all still have a lovely time.

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