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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave job due to stress

12 replies

galaxybeyond101 · 09/12/2025 16:01

I put a post on here a few days ago about how difficult I am finding my job due to my awful manager.

I am considering handing my notice in and not returning after Christmas due to how awful it has become on my health, constant crying, sickness, not sleeping etc. I can’t help but wonder if I am being a bit pathetic and I feel so embarrassed at the thought of throwing in the towel but I feel dreadful every day and I just feel like I can not cope any longer feeling this way.

has anyone else left a job due to mental health? How did you feel after? Did you regret it?

OP posts:
twinklystar23 · 09/12/2025 16:22

Hi OP I'm in the same boat at present. It's really tough. How long have you been employed? I'm now signed off sick, are you in a union? Or do you have any insurance that might provide legal advice for this scenario? Can you speak to your GP it's never worth your mental health but it's a fine balance with financial commitments

Doggielovelouie · 09/12/2025 16:25

Yes I did - took voluntary redundancy

best thing I ever did

i more or less felt immediately fine after having been off sick for months

twinklystar23 · 09/12/2025 16:36

Hi OP I'm in the same boat at present. It's really tough. How long have you been employed? I'm now signed off sick, are you in a union? Or do you have any insurance that might provide legal advice for this scenario? Can you speak to your GP it's never worth your mental health but it's a fine balance with financial commitments.

Fontet · 09/12/2025 16:57

Your health is paramount....far more important. X

Minty25 · 09/12/2025 17:04

Currently in the same position. Job is ending in three months anyway and I really need the next three months wages but literally ended up having a mini panic attack today and not sure I can last that long. the only thing that stops me leaving is that it's not really fair on my dh to support me and I have no savings to fall back on and would only be eligible for £92 a week JSA.
I left a job five years ago due to anxiety but fortunately had another to go to.

CurlyKoalie · 09/12/2025 17:06

It's easier if you can get a new job whilst you are still in post. Have you updated your CV and applied for anything? I would give that a go for a fixed time period before just leaving. This gives you time to organise yourself and gives you a better reference
It might also make you feel better mentally as you are taking control of the situation.
( Also, applying for stuff will alert the higher management that there is an issue to address. If you are good at your job, they will want to keep you or at least want to know why you want to leave)

Noseyoldcow · 09/12/2025 17:09

You are ill with stress, and should take sick leave. You don’t want to replace work stress with financial stress, so once you feel your head is working properly again( I was in the same position as you and I most definitely was not thinking straight), weigh up your options carefully and then decide. Best of luck with whatever you do.

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 09/12/2025 17:10

No, but have come very close to it more than once. No job is worth your health and to be honest the money is secondary. You only get one shot at this life. Don't hold on to a job that makes you feel this way.

Greenwitchart · 09/12/2025 17:16

Don't just quit OP. Take some sick leave and raise a grievance against your manager. You could them walk out with a financial settlement.

That's what I did recently and I left with a decent pay off...

Sbmpp · 09/12/2025 17:21

I did!!!!! It was about 30 years ago and although I went to a supervisor for help nothing was done and the woman walked by my desk with a smug smile across her face. The entire office talked about her behind her back. We were in a union (me brand new, her 35 years). It was never going to get better. I had (and still do) a wonderful husband who worked ft so no problems there. I still feel guilty about my friend that recommended me as I was there just two months. Good luck. Never regretted it.

ThisBreezyMentor · 09/12/2025 17:39

I've been in this situation a couple of times and really feel for you. You need to weigh up a few things in addition to how your manager behaves before making a decision.

Think about:

  • How much do you love the job and the company you work for?
  • How does your pay and benefits compare to other companies?
  • Do you have the option to keep the same role, but have a different manager or move into a different part of the company?
  • If you could fix the situation with your manager would you go back to enjoying the job?

Once you have a clearer idea of the pros and cons you have the following options:

Option 1
If your pros outweigh the cons for staying, you could try and speak with your manager to clear the air. If they are a good manager they should be able to calmly provide some constructive feedback and set some clear goals and expectations. In addition, you should be able to feel comfortable discussing your concerns with the aim of finding an agreed way forwards for you to work together. It's never nice to receive negative feedback, but if it's given with the intention of helping you get better at your role and ultimately helping you succeed then that's a good thing.

Alternatively perhaps there is a role in a different team you could move into where you would have a different manager.

Option 2
If your manager is not approachable and speaking to them would only make you feel worse - leave! If a person gets a high out of making someone else feel small, that's a reflection of their character, not yours. If you quit you can use your notice period to have the headspace to think about what you really enjoy and find a job where you will be valued and most importantly feel happy.

EatSleepDreamRepeat · 09/12/2025 18:02

I did. I took a much lower paying role that still paid the bills. Loved it at thr new place. Stayed for 8 years and worked my way up. Now moved employers to an adjacent role that I would never have got without experience in 2nd nice company. Pay and benefits of current job much better than original job. I'm glad I made the leap

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