Christmas with out extended family

[LindsayAnn97]

So my husband and myself have spent the last few Christmas’s at my in-laws and to be honest it was awful. As I don’t get along so well with them especially since our baby arrived. We spent our first Christmas with them and our new baby and it was terrible, as it wasn’t good enough that we spent the full day there, there was an atmosphere that we didn’t want to stay overnight. We live very close by. This Christmas we will be spending with my family and to be honest it’s just so much more stressful when you have young children, I hate having to travel on Christmas and the whole hassle of packing and making sure we don’t forget anything. Am I being unreasonable that for the next maybe 5 years to want to spend Christmas with just my husband and kids in our new house?? I don’t really want to host either. Even though we spent the last few Christmas’s at my in-laws they are still unhappy that we are spending it with my family. I think this will be a sore spot with them every Christmas, so I proposed to my husband that we spend 24th-26th with just us. We will spend time equally with my family and the in-laws in between Christmas and new year or before Christmas. So they both sides will get to see the kids during the festive period. I just want to start new family traditions in our own home with the kids I just find it so much more relaxing. Has anyone else done this? My family are more than okay with this as they don’t mind about not seeing us on Christmas Day but I know the in-laws will be so so annoyed. Any ideas on how to put this forward to them??

You cite your reasons and stick to your guns. Yes they may be annoyed but you are adults and have your own child and they need to stop manipulating you. As long as you are fair to both sides your reasons sound fine to me. Nothing worse than travelling at Christmas with young children.

I think it's fine to do what you want. Just remember to be understanding if your kids choose to do this when they are adults and you are then extended family.

I don't agree at all. If you feel it's too much hassle to see them Christmas day how is any other day near Christmas going to be any different?
You'll still have the travel and the packing for the kids and the presents and food and so on.
Also depriving grandparents of their loved ones at Christmas is extra cruel and depressing for them. I expect they want an overnight stay as they'll have the pleasure of seeing the grandchildren for longer.
By all means establish your own traditions but just alternate where you are on which day and everyone will respect that.
If you're finding it too difficult to be pleasant to anyone for a day just remember you have this visit to use as a holiday from the cooking and cleaning and playing with the kids so just try and enjoy it more.

Absolutely not u reasonable!! When we had our eldest we made the decision we wouldn’t be leaving the house to visit people as it wasn’t fair taking them away from their new toys. People are always welcome at ours and it actually worked out that my parents and his dad come to ours and my brother and family come in Boxing Day. So like 2 christmasses for the kids. Xx

You dont need to put it to them just tell them this is what were doing end of conversation! As the kids get older they will want to be at home playing with their new stuff not carted off to granny's so she doesn't whinge .

We are chickening out of addressing this.. This year I just want it to be us = My DD, my DP, me and my dog. No good reason except being menopausal and exhausted and wanting to do my own thing at Xmas for once in my life. DD doesn't mind, DP would also prefer this. We can't upset my family (with whom I have spent every other Xmas ever) so we are going away the weekend before Xmas to do our thing and then going to my mums on the real day as normal.

You can make whatever traditions suit you, there's no rules!

As others have said, you don't need to plan out the next 5 years of christmases, so much can change in that time anyway and as your kids get older, you might actually enjoy having other family members around to give you a break from the kids! When our two were little, we spent it just the four of us for a few years. Once we were out of the tricky nap stage then we were able to be more sociable and now we host my family each year for 4 days. DH takes the kids to see his side a few days before christmas. Whilst the lead up to hosting christmas is a bit of work, it's also very nice as we make our home nice and cosy for us all. The kids absolutely love it as they get lots of attention from grandparents and aunts/uncles whilst DH and I can chill out alot more than if it was just the both of us with the kids. Aside from the christmas day meal, we keep everything simple and easy so we get a nice break too and can put our feet up.

Op, I feel the same this year, the only difference being that I cook every year at my house. This year, I'm just spending it with my dh and dcs. It is difficult when they are little, and you have to rush presents for people coming, when really you just want to chill. Not even having dm this year, she was dropping loads of hints. She has people to go to, and has not cooked Christmas dinner Christmas dinner since I was 18; she'll cope. Dh would also have to drive to pick her up, and her home when she has 3 options close by.
I've learnt over the years to just do what suits us. I just see people before Christmas!

We have done 'just the kids & us' Xmas since they were little. Now they are teenagers. Do it. It's so chilled and relaxed without drama. Highly recommend.