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AIBU?

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Original poster

To contact my mums work?

28 replies

Fauxpauxoraok · 08/12/2025 22:37

Hi, just wondered if this is an odd thing to do or not?
Id like to take my mum on holiday as it’s her 60th and she’d never let me pay for it usually, so I need it to be a surprise.

The problem I have is she works 1 or 2 days a week for a school. She is contracted/paid but it’s very random!

Would it be really odd/embarrassing if I emailed and said I’d like to take her away on x dates and would this be ok?

OP posts:
Cynic17 · 08/12/2025 22:40

I think it would be very odd. I'm your mother's age and I would be furious if you did this.
Why not take her away in the school holidays, and give her a little printed "voucher" or itinerary on her actual birthday?

PollyBell · 08/12/2025 22:41

If I was in her position I would say thank you for thought but no never do this again it is totally inappropriate

Pineapplesunshine · 08/12/2025 22:45

😂when I read your post, I thought how lovely, I’d love that. It seems I’m on my own though! And, tbf, the two times I have booked surprise trips for my mum she hasn’t gone on them so 🤷🏻‍♀️. Maybe a postcard of the place with a ‘voucher’ for the two of you to go at your expense at a time of her choosing and convenience?

Pippa12 · 08/12/2025 22:56

My DH emailed my work to organise time off to take me away, I thought it was really thoughtful and work didn’t mind at all- they seemed happy to be in on the surprise.

School holiday prices are ludicrous- literally the difference between going and not going!

nutbrownhare15 · 08/12/2025 22:57

Ask her if she would like to go for a birthday meal that week and what days is she free.

verycloakanddaggers · 08/12/2025 22:58

It's inappropriate and they shouldn't discuss with you.

Shivvy1 · 08/12/2025 22:58

I think it’s lovely and you should contact them to book the time off for her.

user789543678885432111 · 08/12/2025 22:58

It’s not usually ok to take holiday from a school in term time.

Bobiverse · 08/12/2025 22:59

She works for a school… she gets loads of time off and you know the dates. Take her away during the school holidays.

Iocanepowder · 08/12/2025 23:01

Ah it really depends on how someone’s individual work would be with this.

My boss would have no proble if my DH contacted her to ask to give me time off for a surprise trip away.

Didntpickthishill · 08/12/2025 23:01

I think it’s a lovely idea.

StruggleFlourish · 08/12/2025 23:03

What a wonderful idea! You're such a great daughter.
Personally, I would be torn between saying printer off a voucher/postcard/custom-made photograph of the place that you'd like to bring her and then she can pick the time/date of convenience, that way you're not stepping on any toes and she has some say in when you go. But depending on where she works, the type of job, how the coworkers and management are etc, they may be quite happy to be in on the surprise. Or, again depending on the type of work the coworkers the management, they may not. So ultimately you'd probably be the best guess of that.

But I think that it's a lovely idea! I often have to kind of strong-arm my parents so that I can make sure that I pay for dinners, or trips, because they are wonderful kind parents and they never want their children to be through any hardship so they always try to pay. It's wonderful to do something lovely for your parents isn't it?

justasking111 · 08/12/2025 23:04

She works ad hoc as required by them. As does my friend. Just ask them to block out the dates.

Beekman · 08/12/2025 23:09

Sorry but no, it’s wildly inappropriate and overreaching. They probably can’t discuss it with you anyway.

As a PP said, give her an itinerary on her birthday and ask for good dates for her. If she wants to take time off work then that’s up to her.

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 08/12/2025 23:16

I’d love this and think it’s a great idea!

mondaytosunday · 08/12/2025 23:19

Yea don't do it. For one thing they shouldn't be discussing anything to do with her work with you.
If she works two days a week why can't you go away the other five? Frankly though, a surprise trip is not necessarily a nice surprise. I'd want warning to prepare.

GrooveArmada · 08/12/2025 23:20

justasking111 · 08/12/2025 23:04

She works ad hoc as required by them. As does my friend. Just ask them to block out the dates.

I agree with this. I don't think that's inappropriate at all and if they aren't happy, they won't engage with you. FWIW, I did similar for my DM's 60th but unfortunately they accidentally let it slip and ruined part of the surprise 😬 it was still lovely, though.

CombatBarbie · 08/12/2025 23:20

Ive done it before for my ex, my best friend, and have had it done to me. Surprises are supposed to be just that.

Smartiepants79 · 08/12/2025 23:45

Depends a bit on her role in the school, the culture and management and how long she’s been there.
In my very lovely small school it would be considered sweet and school would do their best to accommodate. Certain roles it would be impossible for though. We would certainly not think badly of anyone for asking.

AiryFairyLights · 08/12/2025 23:46

Pineapplesunshine · 08/12/2025 22:45

😂when I read your post, I thought how lovely, I’d love that. It seems I’m on my own though! And, tbf, the two times I have booked surprise trips for my mum she hasn’t gone on them so 🤷🏻‍♀️. Maybe a postcard of the place with a ‘voucher’ for the two of you to go at your expense at a time of her choosing and convenience?

Me too - wouldn’t bother me at all - and it wouldn’t bother me as an employer either! I’d think it was a lovely thing to do x

Icanflyhigh · 08/12/2025 23:48

I think this is lovely - I've done similar for DH several times. Ignore those saying inappropriate and being furious, it's a really nice thing to do x

Comtesse · 08/12/2025 23:50

I don’t think it’s terrible - I think it’s a good idea. LOL at all the people saying you can’t take holiday in term time - when she only works very part time pfffft!

OkWinifred · 08/12/2025 23:55

I think it’s a lovely idea and I think the school would think it’s lovely too!

I’m your mum’s age. Wish I had a daughter like you!

Hope you both have a wonderful time together.

Pearlstillsinging · 09/12/2025 00:18

Comtesse · 08/12/2025 23:50

I don’t think it’s terrible - I think it’s a good idea. LOL at all the people saying you can’t take holiday in term time - when she only works very part time pfffft!

If she only works very p/t there would be no need to involve the school, just book the 'surprise' for when she won't be working anyway.

Normally if a school emoyee wants time off in term-time, it has to be applied for and even if granted it won't be paid time off. You can't legally arrange to deprive your mother of her earnings behind her back. Far better to arrange the surprise during school holidays.

firstofallimadelight · 09/12/2025 06:56

Pearlstillsinging · 09/12/2025 00:18

If she only works very p/t there would be no need to involve the school, just book the 'surprise' for when she won't be working anyway.

Normally if a school emoyee wants time off in term-time, it has to be applied for and even if granted it won't be paid time off. You can't legally arrange to deprive your mother of her earnings behind her back. Far better to arrange the surprise during school holidays.

Show quote history

It sounds like she’s relief/ad hoc so normal no term time days off don’t apply, it would more be a case of asking them to not book her to work those days. And because it’s ad hoc work the op can’t know when she’s working (other than sat/sun)

Saying that I wouldn’t do it, I’d tell your mum you want to treat her to a surprise and ask her to block those days out.