Ok so totally prepared to be ripped into by mumsnetters as I have messed up.
Quick backstory to avoid drip feed, ex h and I divorced more than decade ago. Two small DS at the time. Reason was I had found out he was getting to know another woman. He denied it vehemently however I said that it was an emotional affair as far as I was concerned. There was other stuff like emails and family members who had passed on info to me.
Things turned toxic and I couldn’t move past it and we finally divorced after a year. The divorce was amicable and I got what I asked for. Ex dh paid off the family home and transferred it to my name, and paid sufficient CM that I didn’t need to work however I went back to work anyway for my pension.
He then moved back to his home country. DS spent majority holidays with him and he would travel back to London for work and see the kids then too. My lovely parents facilitated the children seeing him because they have a summer home in the same country. So I never saw ex dh bar once or twice since we split.
Fast forward to last month, I stayed in touch with his female cousin. We get on like a house on fire and she never mentions Ex dh and I don’t ask about him either so it works. I am no contact with his mother and sister etc never got on and they hated that he’d married someone that wasn’t of the same nationality as them.
His cousin insisted I attend her wedding which took place in ex dh home country last month. I refused a lot however she convinced me in the end. I ended up being one of her bridesmaids and dressed in their ethnic wear etc
About two years ago ex dh ended up marrying again. He married the woman I suspected him having an emotional affair with. She wasn’t at the wedding and I didn’t know why.
At the wedding ex dh followed me around a bit and kept trying to speak to me. Annoyingly the chemistry was still there and he has aged very well. Later that evening he text me to see if I’d be willing to chat about the boys financial arrangements for university and I said yes. He came to the room and we ended up having sex.
I feel like shit, he’s married and we shouldn’t have done that.
It’s been a month and he won’t stop texting asking to come to London to speak about it. He’s saying he’s not with his wife and that they separated but divorce isn’t final due to her wanting a better financial outcome. The latter is none of my business so I didn’t care to ask more.
I don’t know whether to let him back in or not. I spent the last years entirely single raising the boys (didn’t want another man in the picture for obvious reasons) and they’re now due to the fly the nest. I am a bit lonely and ex dh was familiar territory.
I did try dating last year at the insistence of a friend but the first thing the man asked me was if my house was mortgaged or paid off. He even made a joke about moving in with me …as his flat would be no good for a relationship????
It put me off entirely and was one of the reasons why I never dated when the kids were young. I didn’t want to disrupt their home environment or allow anyone in who had ulterior motives. The flip side of this being that I am now chronically single and due to be very alone once the DS 2 moves out.
Would love some advice from anyone who’s been in this situation where an ex has popped up after many years particularly if you left for infidelity reasons ?