Adult ADHD? Not sure if it's just me being me?

[DrawerofMystery]

I’m starting to wonder if I might have ADHD — I’m bad at spotting things or filtering information, and I have hyper-focus days and slow-brain days
For those of you with ADHD, what does it look like in your day-to-day life?

I’m trying to work out if it’s worth getting assessed, so any experiences would be really appreciated 🙂

Some struggles I notice:
Noticing/finding things: I can’t spot things right in front of me, and reading a departure board can take ages
Orientation & memory: I forget neighbours faces, directions, and where I parked
Fluctuating functioning: Some days I’m hyper-focused with racing thoughts; other days everything feels foggy and my speech suffers
Attention: I zone out in conversations or tasks and freeze if someone talks to me while I’m on the phone
Executive function / organisation: Starting tasks is hard, then I hyperfocus and do everything at once. Big admin jobs overwhelm me, and my space gets messy quickly. I lose stuff if I tidy up
Other odd ones: New systems, tech, and machines confuse me, and I get disoriented easily.

Not sure if this is ADHD or just me being me 😅
Does this sound familiar to anyone with ADHD?

Dr Helen Wall on Instagram is good on this. Basically, fluctuating oestrogen hits the brains of the neurodiverse harder (something about dopamine transmission, she goes into it in far greater depth but I've forgotten the details 😳)

@soupyspoon I'm surprised that some of you mentioned that my struggles look like that of menopause. Thank you for sharing your thoughts
The thing is, I'm still 35 and I don't think I'm going through menopause yet🤔 I'll just keep the possibility in mind though

I think menopause is a watershed because a lot of your coping mechanisms simply stop working. I found the same with hVing kids - as long as it was just me and my husband, we muddled through ok and things mostly got done.

Once I threw kids into the mix, it became apparent just how much I was 'only just' keeping all the plates spinning and I had to actually strategise to get things done and put systems in place to avoid really losing the plot!

So I think any major life change can shine a light in areas where we're already struggling and tip us from 'just about coping' to 'overwhelmed and not coping'.

Yes I do understand now thank you, I suppose I was thinking how will it help and it probably won’t help everyone get better at things but mentally it may help (if that makes sense)

I believe I have adhd but I’ve got to 38 without being diagnosed but I’m not getting tested as I don’t think it will change my life if a dr told me I do. I wouldn’t say I’m on the extreme side but there’s a lot of things I do/personality etc that points in that direction. I just don’t think it will change anything for me knowing100% there are tests you can do online which have flagged it’s likely. I function day to day if a little chaotic at times 😂

I am on the (very long) assessment list. I went on it 18 months ago after putting it off for several years because I just want to know now. I have many of the same issues as you have described OP, and I know everyone says 'oh but that's normal for everyone at some point' but I really don't see people around me being affected day in day out to the extent that I am.

A diagnosis would not only be validating, but would help to explain my behaviours. And help to unpick all the damaging masking. I've been very upfront with the doctor that my ultimate goal is medication - I want my brain to work differently, even if it's only for a few hours a day. I'm so tired.

Okay so I've been looking up about ADHD throughout the past week or so and just today I've read that neurotypical people don't have constant internal conversations/imaginal scenes/theoretical speeches/constant thoughts going on like, literally throughout the day?!😅 I thought that's normal...I've had it like that all my life!

Also I forget what I was gonna put into a To-do list the moment I open the app, forget what I was gonna search right after opening a new tab on browsers, etc like multiple times a day😅

As I've very recently come to the idea that I might have ADHD, it's encouraging to know that some of you find what I'm struggling with familiar to yours. I mean, after all I'll still have to check with a specialist to be certain, but at least I can be a bit more sure that it's okay to reach out for a screening test☘️
And exactly what you said - people can be like "oh nowadays we're all a bit like that!" aren't they?😭

I think there's no harm asking for an assessment. The waiting list is years long so the sooner you start the better.

People who say 'everyone is like that' aren't helpful. I understand that it's true to an extent, but unless your 'being a bit forgetful' is upending your life and costing you jobs and relationships and huge amounts of money on the regular I think perhaps they don't really understand. And ironically proving that we aren't all 'just a bit like that'.

Medication. That's pretty much 80% of my reason

That’s the one thing that shocks me is people aren’t always talking in their head and their head can just be thinking nothing 😲 not necessarily adhd related but I was shocked. My head is always thinking it’s never quiet

@autumn1610 I can't imagine what it's like to be thinking nothing in my head. I understand it's not only ADHD that causes racing thoughts but I also wonder if it's normal to catch myself talking with gestures fairly frequently 😅(I'd look around feeling embarrassed and check nobody saw that!) I've had this since I was a child.

I don't "forget"... I just don't remember at practical times.
This can drag out for weeks... months...

At school, I used to do homework at 6am the morning that it was due in because of the optimal combination of acute urgency and lack of distractions leading to highly efficient concentration.

I once made the mistake of planning a lesson a few days in advance... by the time I came to deliver it, I had no idea what I was doing in what order any more. I didn't make that mistake again! Perfect planning makes piss poor performance

I also struggle to transition from one thing to another (unless urgency is firing me up) and need a buffer of faff time to switch. With hindsight I always did this even before phones made highly convenient faff devices; in my early days of driving I'd listen to a song or two when I'd parked up before I'd do something like walk into the house.
This seems to really irritate the DCs if they realise I've parked up outside the house.

Trying to mentally plan ahead for autistic DS's needs is a real mental slog and very unnatural to me and shows up how haphazard and spontaneous my instincts are.

Are these really the symptoms that people are going to the doctors about? They seem so.... mild. I got my ADHD diagnosis after a lifetime of consequences from my bad decisions, getting kicked out of school, getting arrested, getting accidentally pregnant, getting sacked. No wonder the waiting lists are so clogged up if people are panicking about forgetting things once they're in a cupboard.

I hate to say this but … I totally agree. I don’t want to minimise anyone’s experiences but surely most of this is symptomatic of living in the 2020s with hyper unrealistic standards we feel we have to live up to? We have:

• constant accountability due to tech - email chains, notifications, calendars, tracker apps, algorithms
• very mentally demanding jobs that involve us being quite sedentary
• lots of encouragement to centre our feelings and emotions in everything
• the hopeless comparisons drawn between ourselves and content creators on social media

no-one can keep up with all this and do all their other stuff we have to do. It’s not spinning plates- it’s spinning whole warehouses of plates all at once, all the time.

Rather than diagnosing ourselves with things, maybe we should be looking at modern life and thinking about how to filter out all the crap and make way for calmness and stillness. Fat chance of that, I know. I wish we could just sit with our amazing quirky brains and value them for keeping up with life at all, at any rate.

All of this is un human yet its expected that people can manage all of this and if not, then the explanation is ND and thats true for some, but I dont think its true for all. Its simply a symptom of exposing people to something we werent built for

I doubt its ethical but I wonder what the rates of ADHD or observation of ADHD traits and symptoms are in communites which are extremely low tech, closer to nature, more active, tribal communites for example

That's a bit like saying you can't be depressed unless you are suicidal. The threshold isn't for having the most extreme consequences, there's always a spectrum and personality plays a part as well. It's pretty unfair to accuse people of misusing resources, especially since most of us have probably engaged in behaviour that could have had dire consequences but we were lucky enough not to get caught/happen across the wrong people/work for ourselves.

Not to mention all the people, me included, who actually have experienced some pretty awful consequences and find comfort in knowing that the guilt and shame we carry might be misplaced. Dismissing people based on the snapshot they post on here shows a startling lack of empathy from someone with your life experience.

Eta that was in response to @Namechangelikeits1999

I was diagnosed in August. I cried. The questions made me feel so seen and the assessor was really supportive. I've always felt deficient; like I'm missing something that just comes so easily to those around me. Now I know i belong with whole group of people whose brains work just like mine. It's enabled me attend specialist support groups and access medication that has made life so much easier. It's also eased a lot of hateful internal monologues and enabled me to understand my triggers and processes. I would definitely recommend aiming for a diagnosis. It's genuinely the best thing I've done for myself.

I saw a quote the other day which said “if we were being lazy, we’d be enjoying it”. The paralysis is real and it’s frustrating as hell. You sound a lot like me and I’m also wondering if diagnosis would help, but tbh it’s more so that other people would be more understanding and forgiving.

Although maybe they wouldn’t - it would just be instead of thinking I’m crap at remembering etc it would be that I’m crap at remembering because of my new fangled neurodivergence, with an eye roll. I’m not sure people take it that seriously as they just don’t realise how deeply it affects everything. They still seem to think that lists and phone alarms will fix everything.

For me it’s been helpful to consider that whatever it is that’s causing my difficulties, I deserve respect and tolerance, support and patience. I’m not TRYING to be like this, and it’s just as annoying for me, if not more so as I live with this 24/7!

I’m neurotypical and have constant internal conversations, thoughts and scenarios running though my head. It’s completely normal so I wouldn’t stress about that point

I definitely recognise myself in various descriptions of people with ADHD, but I have no current intention to seek diagnosis. That's basically because I feel that it doesn't affect my life to the extent I'd call it a disorder. I see it as similar to the diagnosis of personality disorder - for that to apply, it has to be affecting many aspects of life and functioning. Otherwise, someone is told they have 'traits of x personality disorder' ie maybe different to other people but nowhere near affecting function. As @Namechangelikeits1999 says, ADHD can cause very serious inability to function in life.

I think I've unwittingly developed strategies to cope with it. Lists, alarms, doing something as soon as it occurs to me, lists breaking down big tasks into minute chunks.

It was astonishing to me when my husband said he doesn't constantly have a running narrative in his head or replay conversations. Sometimes, he says, he is thinking nothing! That is totally alien to me.

@DrawerofMystery it may be because you have a baby now that this is all seeming more obvious. Low oestrogen if you're breastfeeding similar to menopause, and/or tiredness and constantly managing someone else's needs. It's really only in the last 2-3 years since my children were born that I've realised my little quirks are starting to become more problematic. Especially since youngest was born. I think now I'm juggling more plates than ever, my ability to keep things steady is taking more and more effort.

It is normal, I saw a documentary many many years ago about OCD, the psychiatrist was talking about internal thoughts, voices and random unpleasant thoughts that come into your head throughout the day, we all have them, its when they become disabling or distressing or all consuming that its a 'problem' and not normal. He gave the example of just driving to work that day, he was at the zebra crossing and thought, I wonder what would happen if I just drove into those people. Random, fleeting, unpleasant intrusive thought but obviously a silly one and not one repeated or he's going to act on, so just brushed off.

I hadnt realised how normal those things were until I saw that and got talking to MH professionals (as a professional) about that.

This is exactly how I feel, I’m 80-90% sure I’m adhd but I function day to day without it severely impacting. The only place i would say it impacts the most is work but I mostly manage my workload so I have a lot of hyper focused time before something is due and when there is no specific deadline It’s hard to get myself to focus on the task.

honestly when I found my partner can sit with nothing in his head my mind was blown 😂

@Namechangelikeits1999
@Dabralor
I understand your points, and that's exactly why I'm asking people here first because part of me still can't be "sure enough" to ask a specialist. I don't want to get in the way of others if I don't seem like suffering "enough" to seek help for. But at the same time,my struggles are real, even though maybe more subtle compared to some of others, and I'm just trying to find out if there's any reason behind or not.
Also just so you know, I've dropped out from university, struggled in a part time job, tried to work as a freelance but failed, wasn't able to work for 3 years ish and got depressed/social anxiety, then I'm still not working till now. I don't think all this is due to a single factor but I'm sure I'm not doing as well as some others are doing and I wonder if there's smth behind this so I'm just trying to explore the possible causes. Oh and if I'm going to have a screening, I'll probably try a private initial screening offered at lower price first to see if I actually show some traits from a specialist point of view too.

@Applesonthetree Do you also catch yourself "acting out" the scenes in your head with gestures and everything? I wonder if it's normal to be like this fairly frequently 😅

Also, are your thoughts/conversations etc in the head like literally 24/7, with even some songs playing in between your thoughts and in the background at the same time? Just genuinely curious