Was my daughter wrong, or was I?

[SoniaSwanners]

This is a very trivial one, but it's bugging me and I'd love to know what you all think. Last night I cooked dinner that I'd invented off the top of my head (no recipe) for me, husband and daughter (23). I cooked a sauce comprising: prawns, salmon, garlic, ginger, lemon, 1 can chopped tomatoes, spring onions, lemon thyme and rosemary. Those were all the ingredients. Then I made some wild brown rice and mixed the whole lot up together. My daughter said it was delicious, then said, 'But we've had it before, though. It's not new.' I pointed out that it was new, although we'd had a similar looking dish before: risotto with risotto rice, prawns, salmon, fennel, a stock cube. No tomatoes, no lemon thyme, no ginger, no rosemary. When I tried to explain this, daughter got v cross and raised her voice and really berated me, as if I was being a ridiculous idiot for saying that this was a new dish we hadn't had before. But to my mind, it was a completely new meal even though it involved prawns, salmon and rice. Am I being unreasonable to think she was wrong and it's a different dish?

Yaboth ridiculous

It’s maybe a similar dish and in her memory the same, but was it worth getting irate over? No. How was your tone when you insisted it was new? Did that set her off? Or was she in a strop and escalated this far beyond its worth?
If arguments like this are a regular feature you might suggests it’s time she moved out!

I’d call it a variation on the dish maybe? It depends. Were the textures quite different?

It’s the loudly berating you part that’s the problem here though. That’s not okay.

As batshit as dialogues with 23 year old's can get when neother side is prepared to back down or compromise. In the words of the late Queen, recollectuons may vary.

You were both equally wrong but you have more experience on your side and a nod and smile and "oh I think the other thing I did was very similar" wouldn't have gone amiss.

Have a glass of prosecco and a box set tonight and put it behind you.

It's a nothing issue to disagree over. Both pov could be argued.

Her berating you is totally unacceptable!

It is such a none issue. Honestly when she said you had it before I would have just said yes we had similar.

Your daughters reaction seemed ott but then maybe she feels you nit-pick too much.

I was thinking the fish dish sounds wonderful, but your (both) unreasonable behaviour killed my appetite.
Just agree to disagree.

Do you always have to be right? Or does she? Tbh it sounds like she's ready for her own home and you ready for her to go these non arguments are a HUGE indicator that Independence Day is looming.

Your daughter’s reaction was unnecessary and over the top - did she have a bad day or fall out with her boyfriend? It sounds like she was taking something else out on you? What did your DH say?

My response would have been “have we? I can’t remember”. And then moved the conversation on. Eating a meal that is likely to be a mash up of things you have eaten in the past might have just muddled up in her memory. It’s not worth a battle of wills over.

She was in a bad mood anyway, yes, that's true. She has a habit of being very rude/hostile when she's in a bad mood about something else! I was very calm and friendly, but I did try to say, 'No different dish' because I find it hard to say 'yes, correct' when in my head I'm thinking 'no, that's not the case.' I probably should have thought 'Whatever' and said 'Yes, kind of similar.'

I am as laid back as they come but there is no way I would sit there and be berated by anyone I had just cooked a lovely meal for.

She was very wrong.

This, my daughter is 18yrs and still living at home. This is the kind of batshit that she would come out with and you have to let it go.

Well it does sound quite similar .... maybe she had had a similar dish elsewhere?

I'd be more concerned about the intensity of your DD's reaction than whether it's a new dish or not, quite frankly.

I'd just say 'well I've never cooked it before like this but have done a risotto or paella (or whatever the other things were called) with very similar ingredients. I'm glad you like it.'

I wouldn't allow it to escalate into an intense disagreement!

Her get aggy and berating you isn't on.

But the actual argument is ridiculous. All that's happened is either you don't remember every meal you've ever cooked or she doesn't remember every meal she's ever eaten! If we're honest both of those are probably true.