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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mils triaged Christmas visits : i don't want to go.

30 replies

TwotierChristmas · 07/12/2025 21:22

We dropped back contact in recent years and i feel they are disrespectful to DH when we see them.
They have always spoken down to DH and I
They seem to be very narrow minded and are social climbers, they don't rate us because we don't have baking jobs or work in the city where as sil does.

We won't spend Xmas day with them but they have invited us over. However it's when they have no other visitors like family friends which on the surface sounds fine, normal . I think they do this so we don't embarrass them .

I think this because one year we got the wrong day and turned up when they had some old family friends there ,DH knew them actually and seemed pleased to see them there was a large buffet and shed obviously made a big effort. Sil and her partner was there .
DH would have been happy to stay and me also but mil was alarmed and fil almost strong armed us out.
The next day we went back on the day we should have done and it was just us and she did a basic plain meal ,no fripperies and almost ignored us whilst chatting to DC.
I am happy to be ignored but DH is treated like a nanny almost or an irritating appendage to the GC. The DC didn't like any of the food and didn't eat much where as they would have had stuff from the days before buffet.

This year invited again and Dh said whose coming and said he would like to see Rita and Mick and they said they can't accommodate us like last year we can only go on one particular day .I think dh is hurt but he still seems to want to go. I think it's insulting ? I don't want to go .
Or should we just suck it up.

OP posts:
GasPanic · 08/12/2025 14:47

Ask if you can bring a famous friend along. Big them up as some sort of important actress, politician, person of better standing.

Then turn up to the fantastic spread. Unfortunately the high profile friend had to cancel urgently for a TV appearance. But maybe next year.

TwotierChristmas · 08/12/2025 20:12

@Bellyblueboy ours are the only DC and they have done and are doing extremely well at school winning prizes but somehow fil by passes our influence and and still talks down to DH always talking in a tone like..the adult is taking now. It's never respectful two way chat.
But he glorifies sil and has a different tone for her.
@soocool yes! Mrs bucket but even she had a warmth about her !
They are parents friends i don't think he could contact them ie too shy.
@ComfortFoodCafe that's what I'd like to do.
I find it so hard.

I wondered if it was something in me that was ott for feeling so insulted and that perhaps it's usual to have strict rules and foos for different days

For instance had they spoiled DH on the days I would think maybe they wanted to really go to town and spoil him I wouldn't have minded being ussheres out as much ?

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 08/12/2025 20:16

Disgusting people. Just say their proposed day won't work for you because you have a cricket game.

TwotierChristmas · 08/12/2025 21:57

@arcticpandas id love to ,😁

OP posts:
TwotierChristmas · 08/12/2025 21:58

Or tennis even

OP posts:
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