To Feel Hurt by Xmas gift to Ex

[anon22025]

Me and my partner have a child each (both 13) and a child together (5). My DDS just told me today that my partner has got his mum a spa day as a Christmas gift from him. AIBU to be upset by this. He’s never gotten me a separate present from the kids before .. or a spa day ever come to think about it! It’s really hurt my feelings! & I know he hasn’t got me anything off the kids as I asked my DD. I’m also annoyed my partner hasn’t mentioned this to me .. Makes me think he knows I’d be hurt by it or he would have said something to me before! I know it’s nice to get his ex a present but surely a toiletry set or something would have been suffice!

It’s not really from him though it’s it, it’s from the 13 year old? Perhaps that what the child wanted to gift?

Op said it was from her partner not from dsd. Yes I think you have a right to be upset about this.

Is she (ex) very difficult or hard to please or being awkward with joint care? Could it be an attempt to appease her? That's the only (weak) justification I could think of.

Personally I wouldn't mention anything. If you then get nothing over Christmas then I would bring it up. 'how come you buy your ex a spa day bute nothing' convo. Make him guvking uncomfortable. Who knows, he may surprise you and get you the same thing (weird) or something else.

If he historically isn't a good present buyer he may be making more of an effort for everyone this year.

Totally agree with that it’s from his son. But surely his current partner should get a similar gift from their children too? Or Ex has a partner too he could have got that present?

What have you bought him from you/the dc?

Is the ex well? Is she coping? Maybe their DC said he wanted something to make his mum feel better or happier.

I think wrong not to mention to you or to think to get you a gift from DC.

I'm not sure I'd be that bothered though, assuming you don't have joint finances. Speak to him?

So did your SS ask your dp to get the spa day for his mum?
Would your dd ask her dad to get you a similar gift

YABU - the child wanted to gift their mum something nice and your partner has facilitated that. If you want a spa day tell him so he can facilitate that for you too?

Just some random man bits 🤣 + a bottle of drink .. we don’t usually do loads of presents for each other or from the kids.. it’s usually about the kids. I’m really happy he gets on with his ex it’s not tht it’s just an over the top gift! X

Lol Iv hinted at a spa day so many times! Guess will see Xmas morning! I’m not an a**hole. I appreciate it’s a nice thought would just be nice to be appreciated myself being his current partner. Our 5 year old isn’t exactly going to suggest a spa day tho 🙈 but our other DD would love to do something like tht for me, my partner brings her up too X

You could end up at the spa together

I even get on with her 🤣 there’s no nastiness or anything. I think i just feel very unappreciated lately (prob how a lot of people do 🙈) it’s nail in the coffin I think today I just feel hurt x

I completely get it and would feel exactly the same. You’re the stepmum though so you’ll never get a fair response on here as of course the mum should get whatever DSS or your husband wants and you have to just accept it.

I would ask him about it and explain to him why it’s upset you. What have previous year’s gifts been like? I’m assuming this one stands out?

Just generic stuff! like toiletries, chocolates just normal stuff kids get their mum! She hasn’t had a tough year! She has a partner and another child with them. Thanku for saying u get where I’m coming from. And I understand not everyone has the same opinion. just thrown me today wanted a handhold rather than rant to family and taint his name 😢

What’s with all the emojis, kisses and lolz? Are you new to MN? Will be glitter banners next.

Yes I’m new! I thought it was anonymous harmless ranting!

We have another 2 and half weeks until Christmas. Maybe see what he gets you first?

Yeah definitely worth a conversation then. Would seem odd to do this all of a sudden when previous years have been so generic. Maybe your DSS suggested it and your DH has followed his lead? Doesn’t mean you have to like it anymore but would explain how it’s come about.

Unfortunately Mumsnet is rarely a place for a stepmum to get a handhold. You even get picked on for your use of emojis 🙄😂

Bless you! Thank you for being kind! Unfortunately not that many are 2 point 4 children anymore. So there’s lots of stepmums we’re not bad people.