Toxic family

[Holidaying2025x]

Hi all,

So my father was emotionally and physically abusive with me and my siblings growing up. We were so afraid to just do anything even tell someone. I am now married and he is still a nasty bully, I used to pop over every fortnight so my LO could see cousins and I could see siblings. I've just always been scarred by the things he has done and never sought help. So recently there was a big family bust up, caused me major anxiety and I've started therapy and been given some pills from doc. It makes me so sad and angry how one person can mess up another's life so easily and just not see the wrong they've done.

Now recently there has been another situ where he has bought a summer property and is demanding everyone chip into it. Any of the siblings who've said no have been spoken to in a really horrid manner, my older sister does everything he says and was horrid enough to call me stupid and told me not to speak to her again because I didn't want to give any money towards this property which I will never use. I am honestly so fed up and I just want to wipe them out of my life but what's stopping me? What am I afraid of, even at this grown age anything they do gives me major anxiety.

I think you sound at a cross roads tbh - one where you decide to change your contact with them and to face the wrath that will entail. You don't deserve this and it is not your fault. I too would no WAY put money into a summer house that I would never comfortably want to visit! Use the attack from your sister to limit contact and also do the same with your father. Don't have to announce anything, just reply less often and make excuses, and allow long stretches of time between visits. Be creative - say you haven't been for ages, set up a visit for 3 weeks but then be unwell - etc - you don't need this and it is OK to do something about it x

Thank you ❤️

Look up ' narcissistic family cult'.

Unfortunately, everyone plays a part which usually enables the head of the family and siblings will be pitted against each other. The head will usually be at the least narcissistic with coercive behavior.

It all sounds dramatic I know. You have probably been trained to ignore and normalize so much. You are now listening to a horrible nagging that this family is fucked up

When you try pull away, sometimes behavior can worsen. You become demonised and blamed for things. It's so horrible. I'm so sorry you are also in one.

I would honestly think about limiting time with toxic family members and perhaps pursue some counselling to talk over all of the trauma from your childhood. You've done nothing wrong and don't deserve their treatment of you.

Thank you, and reading this yes we had normalized it for so long it's so messed up but definitely want to break out of this.