Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To long for the time in the future where I’m a grandparent not a parent

45 replies

partytimed · 07/12/2025 14:33

I adore my two children, 6 and 1 but feel burnt out and exhausted most of the time. I often feel envious of grandparents who can be involved with their children and grandchildren and then retreat to a peaceful home and full nights sleep after spending time with them. I have obsessive thoughts about how nice this must be. Today we have a Christmas meal with extended family at a restaurant. I’ll be wrangling the kids and the doing the bedtime routine, feeding them, up in the night and awake at 5am. The grandparents can be a part of their lives and then go home stick the telly on and please themselves. I’m so envious about it! My aunt said something like she was going to have a bubble bath and a glass of wine when she got in - it sounds like pure heaven to me but so far away from my life. I guess I feel a bit trapped in this responsibility. Can anyone relate?

OP posts:
CrustyBread1977 · 07/12/2025 14:35

Comparison is the thief of joy.

You will always find someone to envy if you go looking for it. Stop looking. Make the most of what you have, get help with the tricky parts.

SomersetBrie · 07/12/2025 14:43

Depends on what your kids do.
Quite a few of my (slightly older) friends have grandchildren in different countries. While that might be what everyone wants, it's hard if you do want to be more part of their lives. (Another has their son and his baby living with them - also not ideal, though they do love it. I'm not sure how I'd feel if one of my teenagers brought a baby home!)
When my kids were that young, I used to be so envious of people who had family around them (and not in a different country as it is in my case).
It's easy to envy good situations but better to make the best of what you have.

Hadalifeonce · 07/12/2025 14:46

Your DC are still very young. It won't be long before you can joy their company, and they will be more independent.

ComfortFoodCafe · 07/12/2025 14:48

Your kids are very young, stop wishing their lifes away please.

Newyearawaits · 07/12/2025 14:51

ComfortFoodCafe · 07/12/2025 14:48

Your kids are very young, stop wishing their lifes away please.

This isn't what OP meant.
OP, your feelings will resonate with many, no time for a relaxing bubble bath and a glass of wine. Permanently exhausted and no free time.
Alot of people feel like this.
Take care

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 07/12/2025 14:52

Ime being a dgm brings with it a new round of stresses and worries...

thebeautifulsky · 07/12/2025 14:59

Being a DGM is wonderful but in all honesty, especially if you provide childcare is just as stressful and exhausting if you factor in the age difference of around 30 years! Wouldn't change it for the World though.

StripyHorse · 07/12/2025 15:02

Newyearawaits · 07/12/2025 14:51

This isn't what OP meant.
OP, your feelings will resonate with many, no time for a relaxing bubble bath and a glass of wine. Permanently exhausted and no free time.
Alot of people feel like this.
Take care

Show quote history

That said, there is a middle ground between having young (exhausting) children and adult children plus grandchildren. You don't notice it at first, then you realise you are going to family events and the children are entertaining themselves so you can actually have conversations with people. Or you all have a chilled afternoon out / watching films and enjoying their company without feeling you are 'looking after' them. Now DDs are in their teens (DD1 is actually in uni now) you can do things without them - and even when you do, it is relaxing.

YANBU OP, it is relentless having very young children, but don't wish the time away too much. It does get easier.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 07/12/2025 15:09

Can’t your partner do their share so you have time for a bath/wine?

Pippa12 · 07/12/2025 15:09

OP is definitely not wishing their little lives away, these early years are wonderful/magical etc but I can definitely relate to what a slog it is!

Do you have a DP who could maybe make those bubble bath and Prosecco dreams come true, my DH definitely did when everything felt a lot!

DreadingWinter · 07/12/2025 15:29

As a DGM I provided full time childcare for premature twins, whose immune systems were compromised and caught everything. Yes I did have them overnight a couple of nights a week. DD was at uni and working. I was in my 60s and it was as exhausting as when my babies were little. Nothing to envy OP.

Endofyear · 07/12/2025 15:53

Well the grandparents have done the child wrangling years and are now reaping the rewards having grandchildren to spoil and peaceful evenings to themselves!

Dontlletmedownbruce · 07/12/2025 15:55

I totally get it, but that's also why I have much more admiration for GPs. They have been in your shoes and done it all and they now are reaping their rewards. And some day hopefully you will too.

Cynic17 · 07/12/2025 16:05

Well, you have no idea whether you will ever be a grandparent, so surely it's better to live in the moment?

roosian · 07/12/2025 16:09

I really relate to your post OP. I remember someone saying to me “just sit on the
sofa with a cup of tea and relax this weekend” and I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing. But now DD is 8 and I do have time to myself and time to
properly relax. That time will come for you too. It won’t always be this much work.

rainyrainywinter · 07/12/2025 16:13

I can relate, it isn’t about wishing their lives away but it’s gruelling and exhausting. More akin to looking forward to going to bed at the end of the day. Doesn’t mean you didn’t want the day itself.

I am dreading the Christmas holiday in a way as I know I will not get one single second to myself!

ChikinLikin · 07/12/2025 16:20

It's such hard work with a one year old. It will be easier one day. In the meantime, could you get help and treat yourself to a day and a night off? Most women never do, but why not?

Bringemout · 07/12/2025 16:23

I think I’ve slept less than 4 hours a day for a few weeks, no I don’t have a newborn. Completely understand where you are coming from OP. Just wish I could wake up when I want occasionally.

whyyy321 · 07/12/2025 16:24

Totally relate! I have a 3 year old and a 10 week old...!

Less about wanting to be a grandparent but just wanting more time and space to stop and appreciate, rather than feeling harried. I look forward to thinking of these days with nostalgia rather than the reality of living them, if that makes sense?

I see people with school aged children having time for baths and feeling a glass of wine wouldn't just make life harder with disturbed nights so I have to believe it'll change soon. Well, soonish. When we just had the 3 year old I could see a light at the end of the tunnel (tantrums aside) so just 3 years to go ...

rainyrainywinter · 07/12/2025 16:26

Bringemout · 07/12/2025 16:23

I think I’ve slept less than 4 hours a day for a few weeks, no I don’t have a newborn. Completely understand where you are coming from OP. Just wish I could wake up when I want occasionally.

God yes

and watch what I want on TV

the house to stay clean and tidy for more than two hours

my arse to hit the sofa for a while without hearing mummyyyyy

i hear it gets easier

rainyrainywinter · 07/12/2025 16:26

nostalgia rather than the reality of living them, if that makes sense?

absolutely (and congratulations)

firstofallimadelight · 07/12/2025 16:36

Are you a single parent? My dh use to do bedtime so I could have a break/ early night. And we each had a lie in on a weekend

rainyrainywinter · 07/12/2025 17:02

firstofallimadelight · 07/12/2025 16:36

Are you a single parent? My dh use to do bedtime so I could have a break/ early night. And we each had a lie in on a weekend

My lie ins are punctuated with screams, running in and out of the bedroom, wails for mummmmmmy and more screams. About as relaxing as your last meal before execution Confused

ample290 · 07/12/2025 17:14

TBF if you'd stuck with just the 6 year old things would be a lot easier right now! But juggling a 6 year old with a one year old is always going to be tough, at least you don't have 2 under 3! It's quite a tricky age gap but things will definitely get easier at some point....

Hillarious · 07/12/2025 17:17

Just live for now and enjoy where you’re at. Yes, you’ll get past the stage of sleep deprivation and you’ll get some free time back, but once you become a parent you’re never free of worry about your kids, and a different set of issues will sometimes give you sleepless nights. I can relate to how you feel, having had three under the age of four, but experience tells me that the issues you’re having today are much more easily dealt with than those that might be waiting for you further down the line. A lot of good times lie ahead too.