Road rage - what do they gain?

[Poorly3yrold]

I think road rage is the right expression?

Yesterday I held a party for my toddler and packed up the hall and her in the dark. Looking in my rear view mirror and over my shoulder couldn't see anything so reversed to leave the parking outside of the hall. I suddenly heard a horn and suitable bump. There was a car parked across me which I couldn't see in the dark.

I got out of the car saying "im so sorry" and this woman got out and started screaming abuse at me. Calling me all sorts. Then when I said can I take a pic of the damage and we can exchange details she called me a paedophile trying to film her "child" (17 year old girl in the car) and telling me the police were on their way and would breathalyse me.

It was overtly aggressive and horrible. I couldn't get a word in edgeways as she launched this tirade at me.

In the end I called 101 and the call handler advised me to get in the car and got police out to me. The woman's daughter had got her mates and there were 4 women shouting at me and making all sorts of accusations.

Now im quite clear I was in the wrong, I hit her. But what on earth did she gain from that? At one point she was filming me saying you're a paedophile and an alcoholic and im going to put this on socials.

It was terrifying and horrific. My husband ran and got my toddler out of there and came back and they started on him too.

Police eventually arrived (from my call) and yws they did breathalyse me but also her. She started demanding i had a blood test for drugs and saying I was abusing my child as well.

Im still in shock this morning but im also baffled. What did the woman gain from all of this?

Ps there was no damage to either car

Diagram (which will be requested)

She doesn't gain anything - she's just a twat. That's how they are.

She gains nothing. Some people are just full of barely suppressed anger.

My car was hit by another in a very similar manner last year. The other driver was clearly upset, crying her eyes out, so my first question was "are you alright?". She was a new driver and thought her world had just ended.

Theŕe was very little damage, front wing and grill replacement. Took 4 days to get sorted. Her dad delivered a bunch of flowers to thank me for not having terrified or bullied her.

It would have gained me nothing to be angry

She was an arsehole to park there. One of the people in her car should surely have seen your car lights and realised you were about to move. She probably screamed her dramatic blue murder to try and take the focus off her being in the wrong.

Did the police say anything @Poorly3yrold ?

Thanks. The police were really good, I sat with one chap in his car and he did say "the very angry woman". But they really just facilitated the exchange of information and getting her to drive off so I could leave.

Im glad it didn't get physical, but I just couldn't believe the vitriol and anger in her.

She didn’t get anything from it, she’s clearly unhinged and was angry you hit her car

I'm sorry you had such an experience @Poorly3yrold . Some people relish what they see as an opportunity to let rip at someone. She's probably feeling a sense of righteous smugness but deep down she knows she's wrong. Decent people don't behave like that.

Could be a mental health thing, she just be a woman on the edge, she could have been scared and reacted badly due to past trauma or worries about potentially having no transport or car repairs to deal with this close to Christmas or she could just have been a melodramatic and problematic person, people will always surprise you. Hope you’re ok.

She did act like an idiot and shouldn’t have behaved like she did. You really shouldn’t have reversed if you couldn’t see though, there could have been someone walking behind your car who you could have run over. If you genuinely couldn’t see a car that was parked behind you, you should have asked your husband to stand and guide you out- you can’t just blindly reverse and hope nothing’s there.

To be charitable, I try to assume a person like this has intolerable stresses in their own life, and the event that precipitated the shouting and screaming is just a trigger that let it all out. It's truly horrible to be on the receiving end, but it's not really about YOU - they don't know you.

Sadly though, this kind of behaviour seems to be becoming more common - I imagine from a combination of being able to say what you want on social media coupled with a hugely increased awareness of mental illness to the extent it's OK to show that you can't cope publicly.

She clearly has some severe emotional regulation issues.

And she was parked across the exit of a car park? That's not clever, although I don't understand how you didn't see her at all.

Don't be daft, it was an accident.

Horrible experience for you OP, accidents happen and that’s why we pay a fortune in insurance! Nobody sets out to have a bump.

I pulled out accidently in front of a man the other day day. Apologised immediately. He didn’t have to ‘slam on’ just slow down. He got up right behind me, flashing his lights, gesticulating awhilst honking his horn for ages. I honestly thought he was going to go in the back of me. It made me really nervous, I wondered how much better he felt after his display of anger.

You should never admit fault. It's difficult to say if it was your fault. Unless there was enough light to see her car as you packed up your car and if you put your lights on before you moved. She should have pre-emptived you pulling out and it would have been sn appropriate use of her horn. She's just a twat, unfortunately raising another twat.

Sometimes when people have been scared their first reaction is to shout and be angry. Most of those people then take a deep breath and are calmer. She clearly has a very short fuse and no self awareness of how shouting at someone won't help the situation.

I was in a supermarket car park recently and a man started to do the same to me. I used my horn and he kept coming. I lent on my horn to make him notice and he stopped about an inch from my car. He drove back into the space and got out. He was shaking and so upset. My first question was are you ok? There was no contact so I just said that it was a lesson in looking extra hard when reversing next time and he made a comment that reflected his spirituality and that it was a thankful lesson he learnt. It would have helped no-one if I'd shouted and screamed at him. (I couldn't move forwards or backwards as I had cars in front and behind me as we were waiting to get out of the car park)

That's not road rage. In the first instance, it could be shock I imagine. But to go on and on and on is unnecessary and displays a worrying lack of self control.

I didn't blindly reverse, I looked in my mirror and over my shoulder and it was a black car in the dark side on, I couldn't see it. I do realise I'm at fault but I dont think that deserved the tirade.

Some people live on their nerves and are just a trigger away from losing it. You were unfortunate to get the brunt of her excessive emotional dysregulation.
She must have been like a pressure cooker just waiting to go off. For her it was an opportunity to let some of the steam out.

Some people don't have the emotional temperament to be behind the wheel. I dread to think how this woman behaves towards people on bicycles or horses.

This film from the 1950s might as well be a documentary:

I don’t get it, had she just deliberately driven behind you? Why didn’t you see it before you got into the car if it was parked? Are you sure your reversing and break lights are working correctly?