To be angry that a mutual friend is committing benefit fraud!

[166lady]

Myself my husband and our toddler went on a soft play date with my husbands friend, his wife and 2 kids. My husband asked if his friends wife will be going back to work and she said she’s in no rush as she’s getting enough from universal credit to live happily.

My Husbands friend then added that she’s been off work for 2 years as she claimed they live separately (they don’t) and that she has no savings when they do.

I don’t know how much they were claiming but she suggested it was more than what she was getting in maternity pay! I feel angry as myself and everyone I know were scrambling for childcare to go back to work and earn again, and they’re living a fake life

She seems to have gotten away with it for a while as her youngest is 2 years old and she hasn’t worked in a few years.

That is the main issue stopping me- her 2 children, as I feel if the benefits stop and she doesn’t work the children will end up struggling. The reason they even said it was they didn’t see anything wrong with it, that’s why it was a casual drop not even a “this is a secret”.
I always thought all bank accounts were monitored and hence any random money moving would be caught out but it doesn’t seem the case.

The media scaremongering will let you believe they can see your bank accounts. They cant, they can request access for investigating things thats all.

I would report her after xmas, doing so now will point the finger at you. Alot of people dont have the luxury of being a SAHM, I certainly dont see why tax payers should be funding it because shes lying.

Yes, I find it odd that people don't realise that people shoot themselves in the foot all the time. I know your whole point is that benefit cheats aren't criminal masterminds but even actual criminal masterminds slip up by trusting the wrong people. Humans are social animals and there is an instinct within many of us to share what's going on with our lives with our nearest and dearest. It's why friends confide in each other about really serious and potentially life destroying stuff like affairs. The obvious sensible thing to do would be to tell nobody but as a species we simply aren't built like this and most of us find solace in discussing things with trusted people.

I have been on similar threads where disabled people have insisted that they conceal many of the worst aspects of their disability from their friends and family. They have presumed this is the normal thing to do and this is why nobody can really be sure who is defrauding the system. In my experience, this is really unusual behaviour and most of us are more open than this and aren't deliberately trying to mislead people for no apparent reason. When I was very ill, I needed other people to step up and support me so I literally didn't have the choice to conceal it. You don't necessarily go into the detail of the symptoms etc but the idea that we are all leading lives where we tell nobody anything and conceal everything from our friends and family is just bonkers to me.

I have been on similar threads where disabled people have insisted that they conceal many of the worst aspects of their disability from their friends and family. They have presumed this is the normal thing to do and this is why nobody can really be sure who is defrauding the system. In my experience, this is really unusual behaviour and most of us are more open than this and aren't deliberately trying to mislead people for no apparent reason. When I was very ill, I needed other people to step up and support me so I literally didn't have the choice to conceal it. You don't necessarily go into the detail of the symptoms etc but the idea that we are all leading lives where we tell nobody anything and conceal everything from our friends and family is just bonkers to me.

Just because that is your experience, and what you had to do, does not mean that applies to everyone else. My circle of friends have no real idea of how my disability affects me. Why is it so hard to understand, that some people living with disabilities manage to live life, without everyone around them knowing all the ins, and outs of their condition? I don't wish for them to know, or else I would tell them.

I am not suggesting that everyone around any particular person knows the ins and outs of their lives, including their disability. What I'm suggesting is that most of us have a trusted inner circle where we share private information and this will include financial, health and even very personal information. So for example, in OP's case it is totally possible that her friend shares with her the reality of what is going on in her life because she trusts her. Would her friend be so open with an acquaintance or less good friend? I imagine not.

You may be a very private person and not share the extent of your disability with anyone, but I would argue that you are in the minority and I would wonder why you do this? Do you not want support from your friends? Do you not need it occasionally?

I'm not saying most people go into graphic detail about what is going on but to go out of your way to conceal it from those who loves an support you just seems very counterproductive and not something I recognise in my friendship groups or family.

So you’re effectively saying we shouldn’t report any leeches like your acquaintance if they’re parents? Anything could happen - social services could get involved, she could be sanctioned and eventually get benefits again, she could split up with her partner, she could get a job etc. Her kids aren’t your responsibility.

That’s the thing, it’s so common, and has been for many years, that lots of people think nothing of it & probably think those that don’t do it are mugs for having both parents working! It’s especially easy if you’re not married to your partner to claim as a single parent. Many couples do this throughout the relationship and despite having multiple children with the same man get away with claiming as a single parent. The system is so easy to game many will take advantage of it with no shame whatsoever!

If her benefits stop and the children are struggling then getting a job will solve that problem!

I’ve got physical disabilities, but I’ve never felt the need to spread the info around. It’s nothing to do with anyone else. 🤷‍♀️

Same. I have invisible ones (mental health). I spend time trying to keep them invisible, which is exhausting.