Social reactions

[Ghhbiuj]

As I've got older, I've noticed people have started to say I look anxious when I'm thinking. Which makes me feel uncomfortable.

I didn't feel anxious but it's weird to be told that's how you look.

It might be that my serious, tired with children, overworked, not in best health face now does look worried if I have a serious face.

Men of my age look serious all the time. Women seem to often be forcing a grin.

I'm wondering if I do look anxious and how to look less anxious.

I'm wondering if it's sexism and that people feel it's OK to ask me to please them by not being worried. A worried man would probably not be told and be taken seriously. I was not taken seriously.

Now, it's not really affected my esteem or anything but it reduces how seriously I'm taken by work colleagues. How could I work on having a less anxious looking serious face? I am overworking at the moment but I wonder if I can project being more natural

I have always had a serious looking face if you see what I mean. Even as a child.

And then as a young adult, and even now as I approach 40.

I had a Saturday job in a nightclub when I was younger. One punter said "dont worry you'll be fine! You're doing a great job!" after I served them.... I had worked there two years?! My face must have had that look again.

I wouldnt worry about it. I ask people to explain themselves now. I reply "Sorry? I'm fine?" ("Oh! You looked sad that's all")
"No no quite happy. This is my neutral expression. Is there anything else about my appearance you'd like to offer unsolicited comments on?"

watch them get all embarrassed. Great fun and teaches them a lesson.

Only had the balls to do that once or twice though.

Good on you.

It's happened to me with a male work colleague and client. I think they lack the self awareness for me to do that. I would to a punter but this is people I need a long term relationship with.

Then make them feel AWFUL and lie a little to make a point.

reply "oh I know what you mean, I've always had a sort of ugly face. I'd prefer not to talk about it, if that's ok."

make them think they have just triggered something really deep and awful. Make them mortified at what they just said. These people need to be taught a lesson.

not saying that the reply above is true, just that it needs to be something to shock them into feeling ashamed of their comment.

I know you say you’re not anxious but also list a lot of reasons - tired, ill health, overworked, plus now having this to worry about - why you wouldn’t be looking chilled and chipper. And its fine to not look chilled and chipper and to have a serious face, but I’d be more focused on dealing with those underlying issues so you can feel better rather than what other people think of how you look, mistakenly or not. The overworking in particular - is that ongoing? How can it change? If it’s not already making you anxious, it’s usually unsustainable. Anyway, I hope you can do something about that and feel better inside regardless of colleagues.

This sounds like the modern equivalent of " Smile love, it'll never happen" that used to be really common when I was younger.
Sexist nonsense where men tell women their duty is always to look happy and smiling.

I frequently get told not to look so worried. It’s jarring and rude, no different than insulting someone’s appearance