Affair

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If your husband accused you (wrongly and quite publicly) of an affair but said that he did not have to apologise to you because you hadn’t had sex with him in a while so he was feeling insecure so it’s your fault would that be ok?

No of course it wouldn’t be okay. He can’t libel you because he wants attention.

He’s clearly trying to guilt and coerce you into having sex with him when you clearly don’t want to, and I’m not surprised. He doesn’t sound very nice and he certainly doesn’t sound like he cares about your needs or how you feel.

Tell him maybe if he was a compassionate man who loved you and cared for you sex would be happening - but as he is a man child throwing a tantrum and trying to punish you he can continue on his dry spell.

Also be mindful when men accuse you of an affair it’s often because they’re having one.

He said me not wanting to made him firstly angry and then made him feel worthless. He was always insecure and thinking I’m cheating on him. I feel very torn because I don’t want to keep living like this but I don’t want to raise kids alone

Of course it's not ok. You already know this.

Raising kids alone is a wonderful and beautiful experience. Much better than living with a controlling man who makes you miserable, believe me, I know.

You’ll be so glad your kids don’t see you being treated badly. You’ll find so much joy and strength being all the mother you can be away from this life sucking bastard.

Do you really need to ask 🤦🏻‍♀️

I do because he is so convinced that I should have just reassured him (again) and should not expect an apology. It sounds weird but I don’t believe reality anymore. I’ve been living this for many many years. I think deep down I know but I’m scared to be alone

Yeah but you still know it's not ok regardless.

You know it’s not okay. You know he’s abusing you. He’s using shame to control you. He’s embarrassing you deliberately to control you. Alone is better than this.

Learn to be comfortable with alone. A man like this actually only removes from your life. Imagine how much stronger and happier and confident you’ll be alone with your beautiful children tha wit him tearing you down and making you feel bad.

It is not bait I am a genuine person in genuine turmoil so thanks for those that have replied. It’s been four weeks since I asked him to leave and I’m having a wobble so I appreciate the confirmation that I’m doing the right thing. It’s just hard.

Them that start blaming are more likely the ones doing it.

My ex had an affair but told anyone that would listen that he only did it as he thought I was having an affair. He also said that she was just someone he needed to get out his system. He is marrying her on Thursday lol

I’m sorry that sounds like an awful situation. How have you moved on.

I don’t know if he ever had an affair but he has been preoccupied with me having once since we first met. I never really think about it so that’s strange to me.