On the surface, I look like I have a very active social life I’d image.
Im mid 30s, married, have a 9 month old son.
I’m on mat leave and do 3 baby classes a week. Around the classes I go out with “mum friends”, 2/3 girls from NCT, 2 girls from one of my baby classes, neighbours that have had babies at the same time, and some girls I met on Peanut with similar age babies.
I have 3 friends from school who I see every 3/4 months at weekends, 2 groups of friends from uni who again I see every 3/4 months. I have an ex colleague and current colleagues I meet up with. I see my parents every fortnight. I get tired from all this activity, my social battery is very much drained.
But yet, I feel so lonely. I feel like none of these people (including my husband) actually like me. I feel like they’re just nicer people than I am, who tolerate me rather than enjoy my company. I force myself to do things because my parents were recluses and I don’t want to end up the same… but yet I still feel empty.
I am reasonably good looking, and have no fear initiating chat to strangers and getting the ball rolling with meeting up. People say yes. But I feel like as time goes on, I disappoint as a contact, and people feel obliged to continue to hang out with me despite not getting much back. I say this as I can be quite quiet (despite maybe first impressions saying otherwise) and I am more of a listener than a chatter. I’m not funny, I don’t have good stories. I’m really boring in short.
So I guess I’m asking; am I being unreasonable to feel so lonely, when on the surface it looks like I have a very full and active life?
And additionally? What can I do to get over this. I’m sick of feeling like everyone hates me and I’ve ruined my husbands life.