I hate christmas

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Things I hate about Christmas …

the routine.
things we have done for the last 30 odd years. Not because any of it is pleasurable but because that’s What We Do. Any suggestion there is a comfortable change is met with absolute horror. Fuckers.

the expectation that we have to see everyone on one day. Most of these people I don’t see from one year to the next. Some of them I don’t even like. Hundreds of them. and they try and hug or kiss ffs. Why? Why would they do that?

In the car, out, sit cramped and loud, exchange presents nobody gives a shite about and are destined for the charity shop. On to the next house and repeat.
this sounds nasty and ungrateful but really, what shit can you buy for a tenner for someone you don’t like much? WHAT’S THE POINT????
Too many people in each house. So many.

Too many presents. I get it. He likes it. He’s passed on this to the DCs and they like it. Everyone is kind and generous but I hate it.
Too. Much.
and then it sits in piles for days and days. And the expectation that I join in and do the same.

ancient in-laws with dementia. Crankier by the year. I do love them but why do they always have to come to us when there are numerous other relatives they could go to. But no, This Is What We Do. Again. And FiL will bang on about the dead dog again (and again and again).

The timings.
because He does the cooking he gets to decide what happens when.

I DO NOT WANT TO EAT A FULL MEAL AT 3 PM.

That is neither lunch nor dinner. I will be hungry at a normal time. That means I either have to stay hungry and drink on an empty stomach, or eat and then I’m not hungry for the feast.

somebody will leave chocolate out and the dog will eat it resulting in yet another vet trip. Again. FiL I’m looking at you.

after a day of merriment He will proceed to drink too much. Mostly in response to having to deal with the ancient relatives. And then he will peacefully go to sleep in a chair while I clear up.

NOBODY LIKES SPROUTS

the last 10 years I have volunteered to work. Which is shitty but an excellent reason to bugger off for a few hours. This year I haven’t got work as an excuse. On the other hand no work means I can drink myself into oblivion but then risk actuallly murdering people.

Bah, humbug.
You sound like a right old misery. Perhaps that’s why your DH wants to see lots of other people? 😖

I stopped drinking a few years ago and love sobriety except every Christmas when I find I want to start again. It's only when sober that you experience the full, unadulterated horror of Christmas. So many people are utterly BORING bastards! I notice some don't even bother with small talk anymore, they just spend the entire day making inane comments and staring glassy eyed at children "oooh isn't he cuuuuute" and "awwwwww, look at her now, isn't she cuuuute". I think Covid made it worse. People who were already sub normal regressed to some kind of vegetative state.

Is your dog youthful enough to need a lot of extra walks on Christmas Day in particular (in which you will spend hours chatting with other people avoiding Christmas Day, while avoiding children on new bikes, scooters and sledges)? Do any family members have babies which will get overwhelmed with Christmas, and require taking out for long walks in the pram?

Do you know anyone who would be kind enough to share (or pretend to share) their germs with you in time for Christmas? After 27 years of the same Christmas, having norovirus excused me from all festivities. I also now have a job that requires people there 365 days a year, and I'm always the first one to volunteer for Christmas Day!

Alternatively, does your nearest hotel have guests on Christmas Day, so that you can hide in peace?

Your Christmas sounds miserable, OP.

We have a lovely time. Over the years, we’ve put s stop to hosting people we don’t want. When I was first married, we used to have a huge group of my husband’s distant family. One year, I just decided enough was enough and we no longer have them.

We see friends more than family with lots of meet ups. We’re having a party on Saturday for 22 friends and then Christmas Day is just our immediate family. Really relaxed and great fun.

My husband is french and they have their Christmas dinner at 11pm on Christmas Eve and then open presents at gone midnight. This was sort of ok when there were no kids involved but now there are three little ones and it's a nightmare getting kids to sleep on other people's houses while the adults exchange gifts and the kids miss dinner.... Then everyone comes round on actual Christmas to rinse and repeat. They don't even have a proper Christmas lunch and there is far too much kissing involved and they all speak French 🙄

I can't help feeling sorry for all the people who have to tolerate you over Christmas. If you're going to be an utter misery just do them all a favour and do something else. On your own if necessary. Book a weekend in a hotel or in a country pub. Go on holiday.

I love Christmas but we did make our own traditions after our 1st Christmas (we tried to please both sides and ended up not eating our dinner until late) Christmas eve we have a buffet with whichever parents, siblings, nieces, nephews (and as they've grown up their partners and children) that want to come. Christmas morning is spent at home (this was very important when the kids were little) we have Christmas dinner at home about 12 noon (with sprouts as me and our daughter love them!) then go to my Mum's for an hour or so to exchange presents with her and my sisters families. Before my MiL passed away we would have tea at her house and exchange presents with her and Hubby's brother's family then home for PJs, telly and probably far too much chocolate and wine.
The important thing was that our families were happy for us to do our own thing when we got married and had children, traditions can (and probably should) be subtly changed with each generation, our daughter lives 3 hours away from us so we don't see her and her family every Christmas day, but when she was little both sets of grandparents lived very close so we could see them all on Christmas day, when I was little Dad took us to see Grandparents in the morning while Mum cooked dinner.
If you're not happy with the way you spend Christmas try to do small changes (if no-one likes sprouts don't have them for the sake of tradition) maybe put a limit on the amount of visits you do one Christmas day (if your in-laws have dementia would a more relaxed visit on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day be better for you and them)

Bloody love a Christmas like that, OP! DH’s dad and aunt are now dead, his mum is wheelchair-bound and can’t really speak and my stepmum has advanced dementia. I’d give my back teeth to have everyone around, so every year, I’m glad for who we have left and how much we can celebrate with them. And the presents! Nothing better than spending quality time, organising stuff that I know people will love and get things in return. Made myself a promise years ago that even if it’s not my thing, I’ll give it a go so nothing ends up regifted or in a charity shop.

That isn’t for everyone though. You sound a bit miserable, OP. More than that, you sound like you haven’t been listened to for a long time. Worth having that discussion with your DH and saying you need a Christmas how you’d like it, just for one year. Bit late for this one but you could plan for next year.

'No Dear, it's what YOU are going to be doing as I'm opting out'

Oh dear OP this does sound rather miserable!
I think a compromise needs to be made where you all do bits you enjoy
It shouldnt be such a burden
As I have got older I have opted out of lots of traditions
I realised that the last person to cook christmas lunch for me was my grandmother when I was a child so I stopped hosting it and its just my DH and 2 adult DS

Not sure if this link will work because I am pretty crap at MN link magic but this pretty much sums it up for me https://www.facebook.com/share/1DKWe2pw8C/?mibextid=wwXIfr

none of that crap going on in my house at Christmas. We’ve banned all relatives on Christmas Day. It’s just me, DH and our two adult children who still live at home. Everyone is welcome to stay in their pyjamas. We both do the cooking and have the feast at around 6pm.
seriously if you can’t avoid your house being used as a community centre for the day, get out. A lovely break in the sun sounds ideal!

Boring, repetitive, brainwashing rubbish.

Cant wait for it to be over
Yawn fest
If its do good why are there so many problems and posts about it.

The latest one . Shall I uninvited my family for Xmas dinner.
Why do you feel you had to.invite your family in the first place?
Why do people think they've got to have a Christmas dinner presents, tree, etc. Brainwashing since birth.

Just because the Victorians wanted it, dosent mean we have to carry on.
Give each other the gift of not having to buy presents at Christmas.

My OH takes the view of "if i have never lived in a house with them, then i dont need to get them a present".

Whereas i was traipsing round the shops to get "a little something" for 3 different people from work who i am seeing this week.

I would feel like you if that was my Christmas OP. Don't agree in general however as I love Christmas .

I agree!
I too love sprouts - and we have a policy of "no presents, other than cash, for anyone over the age of 18" (including close family). Then, nobody is wasting their money and nobody receives anything they don't like, don't want or won't use.

They don't enjoy it as much as you do. Invite them around next year. See if you enjoy it as much

How long have your in-laws been diagnosed with dementia?

Dementia's progression varies, but most people live 4 to 8 years after diagnosis, though some with Alzheimer's can live 10-20 years, while vascular dementia might shorten life expectancy to around 5 years due to stroke risk, and other types like Lewy Body or Frontotemporal average 6-8 years, with complications like infections (pneumonia), falls, or malnutrition often leading to death, not the dementia itself.

You really need to get your hands on Valium or Xanax and crate the dog for the brief visit from your in-laws.

I would absolutely hate what you are being subjected to every year.

I don’t do things I don’t want to. Apparently most people are not like this.

I now only do Christmas for my child. I hate the day. I think my mum also hated the day. It’s shit.

Another contestant in the mumsnet leaping to conclusions while ignorant of the situation competition.

We've done it at mine, I enjoyed it as much, but they don't like travelling.

I don’t mind it now as we just please ourselves. I rarely drink so I very much enjoy my wine on the day.
DH is bad tempered though as he thinks everyone else is having these amazing/extended family Christmas's. He did have these as a child, as he had a big family so they all met at his grandmas.
By the time I met him she was gone and the Christmass I spent at his parents were just sitting in misery. He still thinks that if we lived in his hometown it would somehow be much better. I think it would be exactly the same except his nice uncle would pop by for 5 minutes.

Yup, hate it too, mainly because I don’t like people and resent having to talk to them. Most people are either arrogant and self-centred or unbearably boring- or both. I will spend Christmas pretending to laugh at shit jokes or pretending to be interested while someone talks at me about the things that interest them. My in-laws put in zero effort when buying presents and just wrap up any old rubbish. Half of it probably comes from a charity shop, and that’s where most of it ends up in January. Then it’s nauseating defrosted food from Aldi and an afternoon listening to my BIL boasting or droning on about rugby and his car.

Take back control no one is forcing you say no to plans that don't suit. I've made no firm plans this year except Xmas day my family are laid back we will drop in on each other over the holidays as and when suits. Kids stuff up to rooms by the big new year clean amd much less than usual as most prople are buying experience or gift vouchers rather than tat

I agree, OP, but you have choices. We opt out of most of the modern Christmas nonsense - all that's left is the Nine Lessons and Carols on Xmas Eve, a bottle of champagne on Xmas Day and a couple of boxes of mince pies (just because I like them warm with cheese!).
No tree, decorations, Xmas dinner, excessive presents and - crucially - no relatives 😂 The older you get, the more you realise that there are no rules, and you can do (or not do) whatever you like.
If your husband doesn't agree, definitely book yourself a holiday - or just a few days in a cottage or flat. This is your life - don't waste it!

I look forward to the day more people start rejecting the traditional Christmas.
I think most people will find they are happier and less stressed and free of obligations.

I hate xmas too, because it's just work. There is no joy in spending time you don't have thinking about who would like what, buying and wrapping presents, ordering food and drink, cooking, clearing up, tidying up, making up beds, washing linen. It is just an endless stream of work with no thanks from anyone. I just want to go out for a long run by myself and come back when it is all over. It's also the expense. We don't have the money for it so December is a major stress over trying to manage and January is even worse when the credit card bill comes in. I actually seriously depressed about the whole thing.