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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To write to school about this?

25 replies

Goonie1 · 06/12/2025 10:54

I’m after your opinions on this….

My son started yr7 in September and after a difficult start (bullying) has finally seemed to settle in.

To mention, he’s not at all a rough and tumble kind of boy and also, he’s broken bones playing sport previously.

This term at school, they’re doing a rough contact sport in PE. My son doesn’t like it. He told me that when he did PE yesterday, it was that rough that he thought one friend was going to pass out because of it and an ambulance came for another boy but we don’t know how bad the injury is.

A few weeks ago, I went to collect my son early from school for an appointment and another boy was being sent home with a possible broken arm after playing the same contact sport.

my son wants me to contact school to get him out of PE as he is worried he may end up with an injurt or another broken bone.

AIBU to do this?

YABU - he should just suck it up and get on with it, it’s part of the curriculum.
YANBU - kids should not be worried about ending up with a broken bone during PE

OP posts:
Superhansrantowindsor · 06/12/2025 10:57

Rugby I presume? My dd had to play rugby and it traumatised her. She was very slight in build and a quiet child. I told her to just stand at the side and do nothing. PE teacher gave up trying to get her to participate. She played other sports with gusto and is now a fit and healthy adult. I’d be guided by what your son wants.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 06/12/2025 11:07

Is your son trying to get out of PE (not a chance) or Rugby (understandable)?

Original poster
Goonie1 · 06/12/2025 11:08

Superhansrantowindsor · 06/12/2025 10:57

Rugby I presume? My dd had to play rugby and it traumatised her. She was very slight in build and a quiet child. I told her to just stand at the side and do nothing. PE teacher gave up trying to get her to participate. She played other sports with gusto and is now a fit and healthy adult. I’d be guided by what your son wants.

Yes, Rugby. He hates it. He’s a big lad but, he’s just not the rough and tumble type. Some of the other lads play for a team too so they go in full on!
I think if I told him to stand at the side, he’d end up in detention which he absolutely will not do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Goonie1 · 06/12/2025 11:08

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 06/12/2025 11:07

Is your son trying to get out of PE (not a chance) or Rugby (understandable)?

Rugby. He doesn’t mind PE otherwise and it was his favourite lesson last term!

OP posts:
BigMommasHouse · 06/12/2025 11:12

When I was forced to participate in a similar sport I simply ran around looking ‘engaged’ so as not to draw attention to myself. The teacher/coach didn’t notice that somehow the ball and the ‘action’ never came near me.

Anewuser · 06/12/2025 11:12

If it’s a state school then you have parental consent to agree to contact sports, as such you can refuse you son takes part in rugby. If it’s an independent school, then you will probably have consented when you signed the school agreement.

BitOutOfPractice · 06/12/2025 11:13

Ironic isn’t it that mn just had a massive campaign to get kids playing rugby. But sadly with under qualified teachers and large Classes in schools it can be a real danger. I expect at proper rugby clubs it would be less concerning.

i personally and a lot of my friends (and my DDs) all seem to have a school PE experience that puts them off for years. I still hate swimming after being pushed in by a particularly nasty teacher.

I suspect you won’t get anywhere with the school but I hope you can find a solution for your DS.

Frankiecat2 · 06/12/2025 11:14

Generally rugby in (state) primary schools is non contact (tag) rugby?

Original poster
Goonie1 · 06/12/2025 11:15

BigMommasHouse · 06/12/2025 11:12

When I was forced to participate in a similar sport I simply ran around looking ‘engaged’ so as not to draw attention to myself. The teacher/coach didn’t notice that somehow the ball and the ‘action’ never came near me.

Thank you. I’ll speak to him about a similar tactic

OP posts:
TheNightingalesStarling · 06/12/2025 11:15

My DD plays rugby for a club... but I don't really like contact rugby in PE. Accidents happen when people don't know what they are doing... and kids who have no idea how to fall, position their body for the tackle, protect their head etc will have more accidents especially playing with experienced kids.

Do they play rugby all winter, or is it just a few weeks? Might be time for a convenient ankle injury...

Original poster
Goonie1 · 06/12/2025 11:16

Anewuser · 06/12/2025 11:12

If it’s a state school then you have parental consent to agree to contact sports, as such you can refuse you son takes part in rugby. If it’s an independent school, then you will probably have consented when you signed the school agreement.

Thank you. This is good to know. It’s a state school
so I will look into this. Thank you

OP posts:
FairKoala · 06/12/2025 11:16

I actually thought they had stopped contact Rugby in schools because of the injury’s
If the school are playing rugby players who are in a team with pupils who are not that alone isn’t fair. You wouldn’t be putting bottom set maths pupils in the top set maths class and expecting them to learn so why are they doing this in sport. Surely those players who are in a team should be playing or practicing separately to those who are just learning the very least.

School are big on attendance l. How are all these injuries affecting their attendance figures

notatinydancer · 06/12/2025 11:17

Frankiecat2 · 06/12/2025 11:14

Generally rugby in (state) primary schools is non contact (tag) rugby?

He’s not in primary school.

Applesinapie · 06/12/2025 11:17

Can you write a note to excuse him from PE for the rest of term maybe? (Dodgy knee or something). I appreciate he might not want to lie and also it doesn’t help when rugby comes back around in year 8 though. My daughter likes rugby but my son who is a tall and broad football player absolutely hates it. He doesn’t complain when they do it for PE but I think he just puts minimal effort in and doesn’t go in for any tackles. No one seems to be injured from it at his school though so I’d question how your sons school are teaching them to tackle- it doesn’t sound like the kids are being taught properly for that many injuries to be occurring

Original poster
Goonie1 · 06/12/2025 11:18

Frankiecat2 · 06/12/2025 11:14

Generally rugby in (state) primary schools is non contact (tag) rugby?

It started off this way for a couple of weeks (to “ease them in” maybe) but my son was told about 2 weeks ago that it will be contact and this week it lost certainly was!

OP posts:
FairKoala · 06/12/2025 11:22

Maybe put them on notice that if your DS is injured, given his history of broken bones that you will sue them.

wonder if you can find out how many injuries, hospital visits, ambulances there have been. Surely if there are red flags then something should be done because whoever is teaching them seems to be more interested in the team rugby players than actually teaching the sport safely

sittingonabeach · 06/12/2025 11:23

Doesn't sound as if school are following the rules on teaching rugby if so many injuries. I would be pulling my DC out because of that. No-one should be going in full on when some children will just be learning how to play, that is dangerous.

DC had a medical condition that could make contact sport not advisable (but didn't affect him in any other way) Consultant was happy to give me letter which I could give to school to stop him playing rugby. I was so happy for that

Frankiecat2 · 06/12/2025 11:31

Frankiecat2 · 06/12/2025 11:14

Generally rugby in (state) primary schools is non contact (tag) rugby?

You’re right!!

Totally skim reading

Monty34 · 06/12/2025 11:58

Talk to the school. Find out how they manage what is, a contact sport.
I suspect he will not be the only child who doesn't want to play rugby.
By all means take him out.
Bear in mind all sport can cause injuries. Running, football, swimming, cricket. There are positives to doing team sports. Advocates of them will explain the team skills, resilience, working together that they can bring. Being part of a team.
Be mindful of his concerns and fears, and yours. But careful not to be too resistant to physical activity and sports that would be beneficial to him. Balance the negatives with the positives I suppose....

sittingonabeach · 06/12/2025 12:06

@Monty34 rugby clubs have to follow strict rules on teaching rugby and what players are allowed to do at what age/stage. Schools should also be doing this. Not sure OP’s school is

Lightuptheroom · 06/12/2025 14:46

Write a letter stating that he's not to participate specifically in full contact rugby. Id be surprised if there aren't other parents willing to do the same.

My ds played rugby at school and a bully stamped on his knee. I provided them with a physio's letter and he never did rugby again. Independent school so slightly different 'rules' so state school is definitely achievable

IsItSnowing · 06/12/2025 16:31

My son had two injuries playing rugby. His GP advised us that it wasn't wise for him to continue playing and wrote to the school saying so. My son actually liked playing so he wasn't too impressed but there are other sports.

Acommonreader · 07/12/2025 09:25

Goonie1 · 06/12/2025 11:15

Thank you. I’ll speak to him about a similar tactic

Show quote history

I was watching my dc play rugby in a games lesson recently. There were a number of kids who ran around the edges of play, never getting close enough to risk being passed the ball. The kids know who does not want a pass .
Just tell your ds to move enough to avoid accusations of obvious inaction and the teacher will ignore him.

themerchentofvenus · 07/12/2025 09:34

Rugby? Is that all??

Nearly all schools play rugby. If they've had a couple of injuries it's unlucky.

We had to play rugby at school. Just tell him to play at the back so he does thr tackling or just catches and kicks the ball. That's what I always did, and apart from a nose bleed once it was fine.

Hockey was worse than Rugby.

Original poster
Goonie1 · 09/12/2025 10:22

Update. I emailed school on Sunday to opt him out of contact rugby (but said he will participate in non contact). I’ve not heard back from school yet, but it was PE yesterday and rather than do Rugby as the plan is for this term, the lesson changed and they played football.

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