AIBU - cancelled social event

[unrsnblyannoyd]

I just need a little perspective. Friend and I had planned to visit an art gallery, they have a new exhibition it’s only on for a few weeks. We arranged this a couple of months ago. Friend did mention that she’s going to see it with her sister but was happy to go with me too. We were meant to go last weekend but DC (14yo) in the 2 weeks prior has been in A&E with gynae issues and been told needs a minor op. It’s minor but until done is in a lot of pain. DH is useless with anything like this and tbf what teenager wants their Dad for gynae issues?! During yet another GP wait I came to the conclusion that I didn’t feel right leaving her - the gallery is about 3hrs drive away. I messaged friend and explained, apologised etc… around 5/6 days before but didn’t get a response until the day we were meant to go saying that’s fine hope matters are dealt with swiftly. I suspect she’s upset with me and I understand it’s inconvenient but equally am a bit upset at the response. I’m sure I’m being over sensitive but would value others views.

Mmm seeing as DC clearly has a dad there,I can see why she might be annoyed that you decided not to come to be honest

I think you knew you'd let her down without real justification and are looking for the annoyance.

Yes.
some of the responses on this thread are weird. Of course you put your DD ahead of a social event. Comments re your DH are a bit of a red herring imo - mine is great but if my dd was in pain and facing a gynae procedure as a teen of course she’d have wanted me.

Seems perfectly reasonable response. But agree your DH needs to step up.

That’s ridiculous. Her daughter needed her.

Of course her Dad can get her painkillers etc… he’s just not very good at the cuddles and sympathy bit, or being able to relate to what she’s going through in the same way

He really is genuinely useless isn't he?

If you're sensing annoyance, this is probably why.

Her reply is completely, 100%, normal. She didn’t reply straight away, probably because she was busy, and then messaged you before the event to reassure you that it was ok and to wish your daughter well. If you’re still concerned that you’ve upset her then make sure you contact her to reiterate that you’re sorry you didn’t get to see her, give an update on your daughter and arrange something in the very near future.

If she is annoyed, just let her have her feelings- they're not your fault, you made the right decision for you and your family and told her in good time, you havent done anything wrong but she still might feel sad she's not able to do something fun with you. She may be disappointed but you can't fix that and you didn't let her down, it's just one of those things. You don't need to take those feelings on to your emotional plate, or guess at what she meant, or worry that she's annoyed because that's not your job or your problem! People feel stuff, it's not your job to "make" them feel happy/ok. You don't need to feel bad, just because she feels bad (if she even does feel bad, nothing in that message suggests it).

To be honest though, it is a mad time of year, everyone is busy, she'd already seen the thing with her sister anyway. I suspect she's just been busy, forgot to reply and realised that morning to pop a courtesy "don't worry about it" over to you whilst she rushed off to do something.
You're over thinking all of it, regardless of whether she's disappointed or not. I really hope your dd gets better soon and I'm sure she appreciated having her mum around.

Of course he can get her painkillers… he just lacks sympathy and empathy.

🙄

I understand why you cancelled but I think you are unreasonable to expect your friend not to be a little annoyed about it.

I think her reply is fine. I also understand if she's disappointed, even if she understands, and understand that you might want to be with your DD at this time.

Your DH might surprise you too. My first period was awful and my father was the only one home. I had to go to him as I was having such a horrible time and was worried, and he was really kind.

That is what she did say? She said it was fine (Iie, don't worry)and hoped it could be sorted quickly (ie, hope she isn't ill for long)

She’s a bit upset / annoyed and she wants you to know it seems. Hardly the crime of the century. She probably thinks that your husband should have stepped up. Just move on and try not to cancel again if you want to maintain the friendship.

I’d be more worried that your DH couldn’t offer cuddles and sympathy to his unwell child.

Call your friend and speak to her as you should have done in the first place. So much can be misread in a text message.
why does no one actually use their voice anymore? Call her and I am sure she will be fine .

I don’t think it’s a stretch to see why a 14 year old girl with painful ongoing gynae issues that involve A and E visits and surgery might prefer her mother around, regardless of whether her father does absolutely everything right.

Your teen would have been fine.

Meh. It happens. People on here are a bit nuts about cancelling events once it’s been planned but life happens from time to time.

(Personally I am usually delighted when a plan gets cancelled 😂)

text often gets misinterpreted, we lose a lot of meaning when we don’t actually pick up the phone and talk. Maybe calling her to discuss would have been better?

That said, anticipating 5/6 days out that your daughter would still be in the same way, and that your useless husband wouldn’t be able to parent is a bit sketchy..

To me this is ok , she’s either seen it already with her sister OR she was planning to see it with you and her sister at the same time .
So you’ve not really caused an issue .
I rarely make plans with friends now as I have a disabled youngest daughter and I often feel under the weather myself .
So if it is local I will agree because I know I can manage it but if it involves a longer trip into the city I can’t guarantee I can do it